Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.

I have not been happy lately. I am not sure why. I think I keep trying so hard to reach a goal in life. To reach a destination. Like a milestone I am trying to reach. I am not sure why. I don’t know what it is I am looking for. I keep thinking and thinking of so many sad things. About my life. How I turned out to be. After all these years and I feel like I have not accomplished much. I have not reached the point I want to be at. It was not planned this way. I didn’t have a plan. I just had an idea and hope. But I didn’t think very well. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I try so hard and not accomplishing anything of any importance to my life. I want to do something. I was thinking today of my new year’s resolution. For some reason I feel like the next year may be a turn point in my life. I feel like I will be loosing everything that is dear to me. Everything will just go away and I will continue my life alone and wishing that I should have made a different turn in my life a few years ago. I honestly didn’t want to be where I am today. Stuck at the end of the string not knowing when I will be let loose or just fall. I don’t know at all what to do anymore. I dont know. I think I just need to sleep and wish this week will be over soon and go to work and just not think anymore. I don’t want to think or do anything anymore. I’m just tired and sad and lonely.

Aah.. since when does it rain in December? End of december… It was snowing a month ago.. Actually for the past month.. now it is raining because it is 1 or 2 degrees celcius.. I can see the green grass again.. psssh paaaaaaaaaash.. who wants to see green now.. el denya kanet ma7laha beeeda!! mnawraaa..
Anyways.. I am so bored at home. I wish I was at work. Boring sitting at home. Watched enough TV and musalsalat for one day! eff.. wait.. there is another mosalsal in 20 min.. hehehe.. Anywho.. i am trying today not to sit on the computer much.. just checking email.. checking my websites and filtering people’s comments in my other sites.. ( I have many).. lol ya yah.. hmm…
I will post again later when I am more awake. I just ate lunch.. so I am back to the moody sleepy feeling.. hehe. I met some interesting people from that arablounge site today.. I like talking to other people.. I know there are so many interesting and educated people out there that are worth talking to. London is becoming a boring city with people who only care about themselves and money. I hate money. I want to quit work so I can be lazy bum watching TV all day… I will just be an ebay junkie.. buy and sell stuff and live off that.. I just need enough to pay off my student loans.. So technically.. for me to survive and pay my bills.. I need just 600 bucks a month. That’s it! Simple life.. So should I start the paypal donation button of please please donate for my cause. I want to buy shoes!! looooool

I woke up a few min ago.. actually an hour ago.. I am still sleepy.. I check my email and I got so many messages from guys from arablounge. I was like wow.. I will reply to everyone.. Just give me a couple of hours to wake up. I like talking to anyone.. You know friendly chats is always cool!
Anyways.. I will come back with more updates. I downloaded lots of stuff to watch and I am currently watching star academy 3.. So I download the episodes cuz I don’t have LBC anymore.