Desperate thinking..

No matter how much I try.. no matter what I do with my life. The missing piece has died. I really think so. The only person I loved has really died. Not physically. But to me he no longer exists. I don’t know why I am saying all this now. Maybe because I am sitting here wondering what to do with my life. Wondering how long I will keep remembering and loving someone that really is not there. Just my imagination. Awham. I don’t know. I guess I am just sitting here sad and alone and keep wondering how long I will live like this. I don’t think I want to change the way I am anymore. I think all the things I hoped for and wished for and thought about for hours and hours have all gone. Just vanished. I just can’t imagine my self being happy or really happy anymore. I was at one time in my life. But it all died out. All just a lie or something that probably was never there.

I don’t know. I am just rambling on and on about someone that has died in my heart. No longer exists. I wish I can wake up from this nightmare that I cannot get out of. I wish one day this will all stop.

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