I just came into work.. got my self a coffe and an apple danish. And just listening to Fairuz. “Zoroni kuly sana marrah 7aram. ”

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No matter how much I try.. no matter what I do with my life. The missing piece has died. I really think so. The only person I loved has really died. Not physically. But to me he no longer exists. I don’t know why I am saying all this now. Maybe because I am sitting here wondering what to do with my life. Wondering how long I will keep remembering and loving someone that really is not there. Just my imagination. Awham. I don’t know. I guess I am just sitting here sad and alone and keep wondering how long I will live like this. I don’t think I want to change the way I am anymore. I think all the things I hoped for and wished for and thought about for hours and hours have all gone. Just vanished. I just can’t imagine my self being happy or really happy anymore. I was at one time in my life. But it all died out. All just a lie or something that probably was never there.

I don’t know. I am just rambling on and on about someone that has died in my heart. No longer exists. I wish I can wake up from this nightmare that I cannot get out of. I wish one day this will all stop.

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Aaah.. I love snow.. I hate walking in it, being in it, and taking the bus in such awful weather. The streets never get cleaned. Nothing. Stupid stupid city..

I am in a mad mood. (not bad. MAD).. hehehe..

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It’s been a while since I wrote anything. It’s a shame. But I totally forgot.. and I got my loyal readers emailing me and wondering where I am. Don’t worry. I am around. Just this site was not the top priority in my list. Right now I just got out of the Spoke (place to eat on campus).. I work on campus. UWO to be exact. So I passed by after work for a bit, and now I am in the library doing some research and posting here. I am suffering from a bad headache at the moment. My work was boiling hot. I don’t know why. It’s not that cold outside since it is RAINING. What happened to snow. The cold. The bad January weather. It’s sick. I don’t like rain.. Now I got my self from Star Bucks a Caramal Mochaiatacoo thingie. I couldn’t say the last word so I told the lady.. give me that Caramel thingie.. lol Yeah I am dumb. I needed sugar + caffine. I didn’t have my coffee this morning. I think that is why I have this huge headache. I forgot. I was busy fixing my laptop. Oh yah. My laptop has arrived. 10 inch Fujitsu. But no CD drive. It only takes a PCMCIA type of drive. Wooopi.. so I have been trying to get a network disk to boot up with a USB floppy drive. So when I get home later today I will work on that. Aah. I can’t write anymore. My head really hurrtsss..

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It’s has been a quiet day.. I woke up this morning.. My brother said.. want to go get groceries.. sure.. at 9 am why not.. lol.. yah I know it is funny.. i know. that was 45 minutes of my time well wasted and I got nothing I liked. Cuz I didn’t care. I like to go grocery shopping my self.. I enjoy reading and looking at everything better.. not being told “common common”.. Then I made breakfast for my mom and me when I came back and watched TV.. Then I decided to take the bus and go to WhiteOaks mall. Just killed time walking around. Enjoying my time. Didn’t buy much. I got a cool lava lamp thing. I am a sucker for these things. I know.. i should post a picture.

Yah.. so I don’t know. I am just so bored. I didn’t do much then. Came home.. relaxed. Watched TV like I always do. Hmm.. Now I am just listening to music. No one to talk to really. I pretty much gave up on this best friend thing. I don’t think there is such thing as best friends anymore. Just people knowing one another. Nothing really that brings them together. I think people now a days have more important and selfish things to worry about then others. It’s sad. I don’t know. I am just not in a people trusting mood right now.

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