The question that plagues me on a daily bases. Should I seriously flip or stay calm? Performance reviews for work are coming up .. I was supposed to have mine today but obviously things “happen” and I get delayed.. I have been delayed a lot. I am not the only employee in the lab, but I am the only person that has written a self review thus far cause no one else gives two shits about anything. So why should I care? I donno.. We are to discuss it with the boss man individually in private and get our contracts renewed.. Well one person in the lab does not have to renew his contract because he is a permenant employee. Don’t ask me why and how. Especially since we are grant based and renewed yearly.. I have been working there a year and half more then he has (I am the longest employee till date), unfortunetly I am not as lucky and demanding. I don’t demand things that much because I am more considerate and I am not greedy.
However today that lazy ass person who does nothing but sit in the corner and throw stupid sarcastic comments and browses the net all day really pushed my buttons and bragged about how he gets all the great benefits from the University and how his pension plans are awsome and he doesn’t have to renew his contract. I was really about to cry and then punch him in the face. I am at the edge of not accepting a new contract and not working there anymore. It is a hard decision but my presence at work and my work motivation is going down hill on a daily bases. I have a project I am currently working on. I over estimated because I wanted to keep delaying working on it. However in reality it would take me only 7 work days to complete. Really 7! I am that quick and I know my stuff really well and I can easily spend my weekend working on it non stop too if I wanted. I work great under pressure and I get my stuff done with extra time to work on it.
Anyways.. back to my dillema.. I am seriously thinking of flipping or just telling my boss that I am fed up. I am serious this time; if I stay I will consider one year and that’s it. I cannot stand it beyond that. I may even suddenly stop working anytime between septemeber and december of next year. I am seriously at the edge. On a daily bases I have no motivation. I have been taking more days off this month to calm my self down and not think about work, but it is not helping at all. Also later in the day we had a student come in that needed to get his account setup to access our network computers and I was busy doing something and that dumb ass asked me to do it cause he was SO busy browsing the net. Fuck that. I was seriously gonna flip. He won’t even do a simple task! I am really fed up.. what am I to do?? Money is never my problem but this year has been such a bad year and I really really want to have a normal life again with no headaches, but I can’t with all this small stupid crap happening around me. It is sick really. I want to flip. Let me flip upside down.. left and right. 360 degrees.. I donno.. anything.. seriously anything is good now.. I really really really hate hate my life. I wish someone just shakes my head and tells me to snap out.
I am contimplating if I should just take the rest of the month off and next month.. can I do that? .. Maybe if I knock my head and go unconsious then 5 weeks off would be awsome. I donno. Like I said I don’t care about the money but I care more about loyalty and if I am really deserving of what I am getting at work. Maybe I am not that great of a worker and I have just been kidden my self. And other times I wonder why am I given all the work and how come I am the only person there with all the skills to do any project!! Just sitting all day doing my own thing is better really. I should try that. Do nothing for few weeks.. months.. a whole year!! Who will ask really? At this point the whole world is choatic and nothing is ever clear! Bleh.. I am seriously seriously in a bad mood.. Why the hell do I keep posting in my blog when I am in a bad mood? It’s what I do best eh! Bitching is great.. I got a lot more stuff to bitch about but this is getting too long and my grammer and spelling is going down hill as I type. I am going to sleep. I had enough of an awful day.