Well.. I think this week has been the worse week ever in my life. Too many blames. Too many pointing fingers. So much stress. So many regrets. Dejavu of the worse things that can ever happen to me before happened again. Now I think I am over it. However I want this year to end. 2006 has been the worse ever. I don’t like even numbered years. I don’t like years that are just filled with problems on a daily bases. I seriously just want things to end! I want people to leave me alone. Everyone to leave me alone and let me have one day of peace! Just one! It’s all I ask.

I want to go through a long period of meditation. Of clearing my thoughts. I think my head is filled with a different thought every milisecond and that is why I get such huge headaches. I use advil as someone else would use gum! That’s how bad things are getting. But I just need to cross my fingers and hope for the best.

On a more happier note. I just spent the day checking out hi5 website. I use to use it then I stopped when I started having weird people add me and telling me fuck’d up stories. I got freaked and I just stopped that whole random people chats. However today I was looking for someone and thought maybe he would be on hi5.. and he is.. keh keh. ehm ehm.. but I just wanted to check profile. Nothing more. No interest in talking to him.

Anyways.. time for sleep..

Random Thoughts, Sleepy Post

I had a good sleep last night.. When I have good sleeps I wake up with a positive attitude for the day. I need to plan my day well and accomplish all the tasks I need to do for the day.

So I have been reading the news lately about US elections and the problems in the middle east. I am really in shock with how the world is changing and becoming worse. We have municipal elections here in my city for local positions. Like board of control or a guy who wants to make our parks nicer and streets look good. Believe me. London, Ontario has the worst streets. It has lots and lots of trees that make the city look dirty with leaves in the fall. Streets are horrible to drive on and it is all cracked and filled with pot holes. Another guy wants to run for mayor against some newly married chick that has her pictures everywhere with her husband. It is a way to portray her family image. I mean common. She looks like a desperate old lady who finally found a rich guy that will enhance her political image. Blah. I don’t vote for such positions! People who vote don’t even know what they are voting for. They are just randomly picking someone and that’s it. I refuse to give my votes to imbeciles who just want a highly paid job and do nothing but take more taxes from us! Canada has one of the highest tax rates in the world. Don’t even get me started on income tax. Almost 26% of my salary is gone to taxes every month because I am on the above 40K salary range. What happens if I get paid 55K. Will I be punished more for my talents and hard work? So for those who like to vote. Go ahead because you are wasting your time. Let someone else vote instead who is less educated then you, less aware of your needs, and will take more money from you every month so he can keep his job for a year or two!

Blah Blah, Whatever!

I have this feeling. It is so irritating. I feel that someone is constantly thinking of me and thinking badly of me. That everything that I do in my life is becoming worse. I have this major problem of being rejected and not applying my self to the fullest. I have fear now of confronting any problem. I use non-human ways of communicating. I have become this shadow in a virtual world.

I donno what to do. I really want to just stop everything and go back to my old self. When I was cold hearted and got things done. Now I feel weak and too sensitive and emotional. Is it that I am getting old? Is it that I have been devestated and rejected by the only person that I loved? I donno. I think I really want to free my mind from life. I just want to sit in an empty room with nothing around me but white walls and just stare at it. No distractions and see how long I will last.

I think I have severely damaged my life. I have ended up at a spot in my life that I should not be. If I roll back 5 years and have taken a different direction I would not be at this job. Not in a million years. I would have not been this weak. I would have never liked computers. I used to hate computers. I used to reject and redicule those who wasted their time on it that I ended up that. I think I got sucked in to the black whole of doom. Now I cannot get out. I cannot change unless I completely leave this city. This country. Change every detail of my life.

I want to go back to the old me. I don’t know how. I enjoyed it and I had something to live for. What am I living for now?

Angry, Random Thoughts

Well.. It has gotten to the point where I feel like my head is going to explode. Literally I swear. Last night I just spent it thinking way too much. I could feel my brain cells jump around. :lol:

It’s quite an interesting feeling. I don’t know why I put my self under so much stress and thinking. I think it is because I want so much more of life and I spend half my day thinking of how to get to my crazy goals. I wish I can be happier, but to think of it. No matter where I will be in life, I will never be satisfied because I know I can be in a much better position in life. I think I have that uncontrollable drive to be so successful in life that it is driving me crazy that my brain cells are having a fiesta in my head! :lol:

Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!

I am in a musical mood.. I downloaded bearshare and I am actually getting some mp3z. I am not really into the new music. I get most of my mp3z from my sister.. but now I decided I want some good old songs!

Sway – Pussy Cat Dolls

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Meatloaf: I would do anything for love (but I won’t do that)
When the girl sings.. that is my favourite part!! I love this song!

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Meatloaf & Bonnie Rait: Total Eclipse of the heart

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Tina Arena & Marc Antony – I want to spend my lifetime loving you

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My taste of Music