You also ask a lot more questions than were asked of you. LOL. You sure that you are into computer programming and not politics? Perhaps you only intended that I answer them silently to myself in order to reach a frame of mind conducive to understanding what you are rebelling about, but as is consistent with my nature, I will treat something literally even though it may have been intended otherwise and answer them.

I haven’t been picked on because of skin color (white in winter, tan in summer), but I suppose that I have been picked on because of nationality and the way I look. When I was growing up, Polish and Hollander jokes were the rage in my area. I am a dumb Hollander, at least I look like one, so I know what it is like. Here’s an example: “Do you know how to make a Hollander go crazy?� “Put him in a round room and tell him that there is a penny in the corner.� Lots of laughs, for everyone but me. Eventually, I realized that these were immigrant jokes and that much of the humor was directed at the Hollander’s “old world ways� and the “cheapness� of immigrants with little money.

I also know what it is like to be afraid to speak because my ideas were different (I still have it; that’s why I’m anonymous), I do know what it is like to be made fun of because of a dialect (us Hollanders say “go byâ€? for example, as opposed to “go toâ€? as in “Let’s go by the restaurant to eat.â€?), my “friendsâ€? have back stabbed me, people made up rumors about me (one girl in high school suggested that I must be gay for refusing her advances, not that there’s anything wrong with being gay of course – but there was then ), and yes, I’ve even thought about suicide – but not recently – when I was 18. Looking back on it, it seems ridiculous, but it wasn’t then. It was probably one of the best learning experiences that I ever had, in hindsight. And yes, I know what it is like to be depressed, not just down, but to the point where its seems that the lights of the world have been dimmed, where nothing is either fun or enjoyable, where nothing really matters, and were all of the activities that formerly held my interest were completely uninteresting. I know what it is like to force myself out of bed and to mechanically perform the day’s tasks, everyday for several weeks. But all of that was a long, long time ago.

Here’s what I presently believe. There is only one thing that I can control in my life. I can’t control my health, I can’t control the economy much less my company’s success, I can’t control what other people do or say, I can’t control my spouse or my kids, I can’t control anything except my attitude. And that has made all the difference – in my health, in the economy, and in the behavior of others. Seriously!