I have been browsing the net.. I always browse for my family name and Palestine. Just looking for any trace of my family out there that I never met before. Just curiosity and see how my family looks like. I love Wikipedia and I was reading about the Palestinian people .. It’s really interesting.. then I came across this:

The official designation of “Palestinian refugee” refers to anyone who registered as a Palestinian Refugee with the United Nations Relief and Works Agency for Palestine Refugees in the Near East (UNRWA) and any of those registrants’ descendents in the male line. Under UNRWA’s operational definition, Palestine refugees are persons whose normal place of residence was Palestine between June 1946 and May 1948, who lost both their homes and means of livelihood as a result of the 1948 Arab-Israeli conflict.

I laughed. I was like I am registered in the UNRWA. My grand parents fled Palestine to Lebanon in 1948. I keep telling my dad to feel special cause he was the first born refugee in Lebanon in his family. Although my dad is born 1951. It makes him feel a bit special since he was the 5th out of eight kids. Anyways I totally forgot about the UNRWA thing. Cause I remember my grandfather before he died got mad at my mom and told her to register my sister under UNRWA. (They didn’t!) She is born in the USA. It is a guarantee that if our lands ever come back we are registered to get it back. My dad has all the papers and everything to support it. It’s funny cause I was born in Saudi Arabia and it said on my birth certificate for nationality: Palestinian Refugee Muslim. That just proves to you how racist Arabs are no matter where you are born on their lands. No one likes us. Oh I remember one time this person from KSA said to me: “Palestinian are not originally Arabs. And they never will be.” I was like ok. I am sorry that I speak the language and somehow I look like one. That must have been a mistake. So I kept reading the article and I came across this:

“Archaeologic and genetic data support that both Jews and Palestinians came from the ancient Canaanites, who extensively mixed with Egyptians, Mesopotamian and Anatolian peoples in ancient times.”

Ok so we got Canaanites. Ancient lovely people. Then you got the Egyptians.. Love their eyes. We got Mesopotamian.. Hmm.. from iraq/iran/syria .. and we got Anatolia.. which is in Turkey.. sooooooo.. we are a mix of everyone.. No wonder Palestenians are diverse.. yet people stereotype me for not looking like one.. blaaaah.. wtf .. look like what exactly? Then I looked up the word Philistine to make sure I am not loosing the original meaning:

The historic Philistines (Hebrew plishtim פלשתי×?) (see “other uses” below) were a people who inhabited the southern coast of Canaan around the time of the arrival of the Israelites, their territory being named Philistia in later contexts. Their origin has been debated among scholars, but modern archaeology has suggested early cultural links with the Mycenean world in mainland Greece. Though the Philistines adopted local Canaanite culture and language before leaving any written texts, an Indo-European origin has been suggested for a handful of known Philistine words (See Philistine language). There is no basis to the claim that the etymology of this word can be based on the Semitic word Plishah (פליש×�?, meaning invasion).

There ya go.. no wonder why this guy down the street who just came from Greece and barely speaks English keeps talking to me in Greek and tells me I am one. No matter how much I deny it. I also remember when my mom goes to the mall and this Greek lady who works in one of the stores tells her you are Greek. My mom is like no. Palestinian. And the lady says.. yes you are from philistine. You are our people and you are Greek. My mom just gave up there. Worst part is that people think my sister is Spanish cause of her name Maria. I don’t even want to get started on that and why my sister has the most common Christian name. Maria was one of the Prophet Mohammad’s wifes! She was an Egyptian Coptic lady he married! So look it up and leave the Spanish part out of it. We are not Spanish nor Greek. We are mixed Palestinian!

So being Palestinian is cool you got to admit. We are unique people with cool history and lived in the most controversial most sacred land in the world. So we are cool people with lots of history and we look so diverse! I love being ancient! :yaay:

Random Thoughts

Ok.. I know I am dumb and I promised my self to not go to arablounge anymore and chat with complete bozos.. so I did yesterday. :weird: .. I know shoot me. Go ahead.. take a Bibi gun and start shooting.. So I reactivated my account yesterday for interest sake. I wanted to see how long it takes for someone to send me a message. The funny thing is guys are becoming more desperate. The moment they read my profile and see my pic (if they read my profile that is).. I get a message with the guy introducing him self and giving me his email and home and mobile number. And they don’t even live in Canada! Seriously why would I talk and call long distance if I don’t know them? Anyways.. yesterday I was completely bored out of my mind and one guy popped out and started talking to me. I have no idea how he looks like but he lives in Mississauga. He is Palestinian and 31 years old.. Not bad I thought. Cuz in reality I am too patriotic and I can only related or talk to other Palestinians. Anyways.. he was telling me he is an engineer from Jerusalem and he moved to Canada 10 years ago and now he owns a construction company. I was like ok.. cool. He has a career. What turned me off were two things. He was too desperate.. He kept saying that I don’t look Arabic. I am not an Arab.. he was like wow. Palestinian girls are not that hot. I was like ok whatever. I told him to stop being too desperate and just talk normal. So I kept asking him and he asked nothing. He kept saying I can move my company and work anywhere.. I am willing to move to London anytime! I was like :S ok whatever.. (London is an hour and half away from Mississauga.) So………. then I kept talking and he just kept saying.. please can I call you .. I was like NO! He is like I am bad at writing (which he was.. I had to sit there trying to figure out his backwards English.. fuck 10 years and he didn’t learn to write!!) So that is my second turn off! People who cannot write or speak English properly.. after that I just said I got to go.. I will be back laters.. and guess what I did! Blocked and deleted! Seriously I was so not interested.. and then I just deactivated my profile again from arablounge and gave up. I give up!

Also I am high on sugar again.. It gives me a lot of energy and I don’t feel depressed anymore! Yum sugar!! No not chocolate.. Just lots of candy and cola and Vimto! I love VIMTO!!

Blah Blah, They said what?

You know… I have not really noticed this way of life as I have seen with Arabs. This double life they live. How can a person withstand to make up so many lies with them and live such a life. I know Arabs who appear so innocent and so conservative in front of their families and public. Yet, when you get to know them and be very close to them you will learn the worst imaginable things. How do they have the energy to make up so many lies and get away with things. I think this problem occurs more often with girls than guys. Even the guys are guilty them selves, but usually boys will be boys and they don’t give a shit. That’s what is scary about the world we live in. So many lies and secrets. I know Arab girls who constantly go clubbing and drinking and have x-number of male acquaintances. I was like wow. Others are girls who wear hijab (head scarf).. and they come to school and take it off and dress with the tightest most revealing clothes under their jackets. wtf I am so dumbfounded with people. I don’t even want to begin with guys. Guys are worse but they all hang out together and do the same shit. They go to clubs, smoke their brains out and drink them selves silly and walk around in down town in the middle of the night being loud and pathetic. Yet.. their parents know nothing about this. It’s funny, the other day a lady came to my mom and asked her about her sons and if she has heard anything about them. My mom was like something like what? (My mom knows but she wouldn’t say anything.) .. My mom denied it because she didn’t want to cause problems and have to tell the other mom where she heard it from… (me) .. :lmao:

aaah.. the double life. I mean to think about it. I was guilty of it too. Now I don’t live a double life anymore. I am no longer having to make up lies and stay out side the house all day to be with “him”.. nothing.. no phone calls or anything either. My cell phone used to be used and abused.. now I barely use it.. but still thinking about. I never did any of the shit other people do. I don’t think I have the will power to do so. I have too much guilt. I am worst than a Catholic at confessions.. I cannot live with it. I have major guilt problems. Sometimes I feel like I need to tell some people the truth of the shit I did to them or said.. but I am thinking… hmm.. maybe when I am retired and old and people think I am just fucken loosing my mind and I will tell the truth.. then no one would believe me.. :rofl:

Anyways.. back to the double life.. I really like this song.. I was listening to it just now.. and it got me thinking about people and what people suffer through and I just wish people just show their true colours. Just be them selves.. I am bad at figuring out what people are really are. It’s just I except people to be like me. I have this high expectations of people to be like me. If they are not like me. I cannot relate to them. It is hard for me to accept and understand people. I don’t know. I guess I have a lot to learn about life still… I should have a new slogan for my site… “Learning about life .. ”

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I love this song .. It’s from the sound track Save the Last Dance… It is originally by Cindy Lauper.. Yes I know Cindy. I was an 80’s child.. I have been listening to music since I was born!! I love music!

My taste of Music, Sleepy Post

Man.. I love Advil Extra Strength Gel caps. Best thing on the market I swear! My head ache is gone..

I took a nice hot shower this morning and I feel fresh. Now I am sitting downstairs watching Satellite TV. A Syrian show. Very nice. I seen it before but if something is good I watch it again. Kind of like an addiction.

Now my mom keeps putting more and more wood in the fireplace. It’s nice and warm in the family room. yaay.. I should take a picture with my laptop since I do have a web cam.

Anyways.. I donno. Last night was pretty bad. My problem is I think waaaay too much. I analyze too much, and I wonder about everything and everyone. I am worse than a cat. Always curious!

Also I just noticed I am officially addicted to coffee. Over the past 6 years I have been drinking it sporadically or just during school or work. Never at home, but now I make a huge coffee pot at home and I drink half of it! HALF! Aaah.. I rather drink Coca Cola and let the acid melt my stomach then be addicted to coffee. I tried one day not drinking coffee and I ended up with a really bad migraine! I just think I need chocolate. I need to get high on sugar again. That’s what I really need now.

Blah Blah, Random Thoughts

I donno anymore. I honestly don’t know. I cannot sleep. I don’t know what to do anymore. All I do is cry non stop and my head is really hurting with a very bad migraine that I cannot type with my eyes open. All I see is a blur. I donno what to do. I donno why this is happening to me again. A de ja vu of the worst things that can happen all at one shot. I feel like an intruder in my own head and the more I think the more my head keeps pounding. It’s times like this where medicine doesn’t really do any good. I cannot spend any more days with no sleeping. My eyes are blood shot red and they are really hurting. I wish just people would leave me alone. People don’t talk to me or ask me anything. It’s times like this where I wish I was just alone and no one talks to me. It’s gotten to the point where I really wish I never was born. I wish I never lived with my family and I was seriously forgotten. Can you believe that your own family would say that you are an embarrassments to them. That no matter how hard you worked in life, no matter what you tried to do, no one will ever say anything nice to you. No matter what you have achieved in life it’s never good. Why don’t people just fucken leave me alone. I am not perfect. But I am not an embarrassment. No one cares how they hurt me. I don’t want people to talk to me anymore. I just hate everything and everyone. Nothing ever makes sense. No one is ever happy with anything I do. I wish I was stupid and dumb and I didn’t amount to anything so I would not feel bad when people say I am nothing. But I am not. But I honestly don’t know what I am to do anymore. I really don’t. I don’t want to deal with this anymore. I am getting old and tired of it. I just wish I can just one day wake up and no one is around me or anything is around me. I just want people to leave me alone. Everyone to just leave me in peace.

Whatever!