Life’s Confusing

Lately I have just been having many random thoughts. It’s just cause people around me, friends and family keep telling me to do things. They want me to do better in life. My family wants me to get a better job that is permenant and I can move up the ladder and they want me to get a much higher education like masters and PHD cause I am smart. Well I was smart than I dumbed my self down. I wish I never did. In highschool I was a genius. I remember when I was living in the USA I was beyond smart. I was getting accepted to University in my grade 11 to pre-med. Than I just gave up. I never knew why. Than when I moved to Canada I dumbed my self down but I still got a scholorship to University but I just didn’t like it. I was studying Biology and Chemistry. I really love those, and I do regret dropping out of Biology when I was really good at it. I was really good at Chemistry too. I was influnced by people around me more. They kept saying Computer Science. Computers are in. I was like ok. I will try. I liked computers, but honestly I didn’t enjoy it. Even working in the field, it is ok, but I know I could have done better. I keep thinking to my self why was I so smart and a genius who got so many awards and now I have become this empty person who doesn’t care about any awards or anything. Daily my mom wants me to find a new job or do something with my life. I am taking more courses only cause I like school and it keeps me busy and I don’t have to keep suffering of people telling me what to do! I like being busy. It doesn’t stress me out much because I am used to it. But I don’t really know what to do anymore. Then there comes the other story of how people my age are married and have kids. Even younger than me and here I am 26 and not even engaged or like anyone. What am I to do? I really don’t like anyone. I don’t want to be hurt anymore and I didn’t find anyone interesting that I can talk to and be with. So what? I am also told to buy a car. I don’t want a CAR! I really can’t afford it. No matter how much I get paid at work, I cannot afford payments and insurance and gas. Life in Canada is expensive, and I have student loans and other debts to pay off. It’s not that easy living here. You have to be smart about your money and not waste it on silly things. So till now I don’t know what to do with my life. I wish I had a better direction and not be so confused all the time of what to do. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what I am doing and why? My problem is I am really good at whatever I lay my hands on. Anything. I can honestly do anything. I am just not motivated anymore and I really don’t know what to do. I wish I was more settled down and have a better perception of things. I wish sometimes and I regret ever listening to people and do what I want. I may appear stubborn but I am easily influenced and I think too much. That’s my problem. I am too much of a thinker. I wish I wasn’t. It’s all cause of those stupid Math contests I won. Damn Math! Why did I learn to think too much! And I won’t forget a course I took called Philosophy of Logic. :lol: .. now that was intense thinking. That made me think way too much and analyze way too much. Oh God. University life has corrupted me at an early age! I am doomed to a life of confusion!

I need to snap out of it! Or just shoot me!

Random Thoughts, Sleepy Post