I just came back from class walking in the stupid icy unclean side walks. I fell. My pants got mud/snow on the knee area. My left knee is bleeding.. (I should put a bandage now).. and my right hand is bleeding and I am smelling blood.. and I come in and my stupid co-workers are playing stupid games and wasting the student worker’s time and playing with them too. I am so pissed now!
Ok I am having a bad day.. !!

Angry

I have been trying to be good lately. I am trying to be organized and keep up with all my work. I feel depressed sometimes that I cannot finish all my work.. or I cannot do my work well enough. I have really high expectations of my self and I just feel moody and depressed if I don’t meet my own expectations.

I donno.. I have just been so depressed lately about working and school and life. I think I really just want time off and be somewhere else. Somewhere far away. I have not had a real vacation since I was 18. That is sad! I need time off. I am going to take a week off in February. I really want that. I just need time to be alone and mellow and not do anything or think about anything or anyone.

Random Thoughts

I have been in a very mellow quiet mood lately. Even forcing a smile on my face takes a lot of effort. I don’t know why I appear happy yet deep down inside I feel like so much is missing. So many things bother me and keep me thinking day and night. I wonder how long I will last like this. I feel a lot of guilt I feel like I want to just change everything about my life. Completely change and not be surrounded by the same people anymore. I keep looking back at my self when I came to Canada. We lived in the US. We just left everything to immigrate here. I didn’t feel regret or longing to the place I grew up in. I think I just miss it but I don’t know why. Yet now since I have been living here in Canada for the past 10 years. I feel different. I feel like I don’t belong here. I feel like I am not suppose to be where I am now. It’s like things stopped making sence and took a course of its own. I try to not say to my self that I regret my life. I do, but it is not something I need to keep questioning daily. I don’t know why I keep feeling this utter guilt and remorse towards life. I wish things made more sence and I didn’t have to question everything.

I don’t know what I am talking about. I tend to keep blabbering about something that absolutely makes no sence. Because nothing really makes sence. Nothing ever will. Because if everything made sence then life would be meaningless. Right?

Anyways.. I am listening to my favourite song ever. It’s a bit depressing, but I guess people feel that way sometimes.

http://music.6arab.com/fairooz..adeesh-kan-fee-naas.ram

Blah Blah, Random Thoughts

Ok.. so I was with my mom at the mall.. (shopping as usual).. then we passed Sears and they had this free makeup promotion thingie.. So the girl (she looked Arab).. asked me to do get my makeup done for free. I was like ok.. why not.. since my mom was off talking to other ladies she saw.. so I was like ok.. do my makeup. It turns out the girl is Lebanese and my mom knows her mom.. TYPICAL Arabs.. Everyone knows everyone in this city.. she is like do you work? I was like yah.. for 5 years as a computer programmer. She is like no way.. How old are you? I was like 26. She was like wtf? I was like :S .. is that a bad thing. She is like you look 20 or 21. I was blushing and said ok. She asked are you married? I was like no. She said good. Cause I am. So she said be single and enjoy it as much as you can. I was like aha. Then she said you know this lady.. her brother is 28 and a doctor who just came from Brazil and getting his residency done here. You want to hook up? I was like no thank you. I was in shock. Then she was like God your pretty. Putting makeup on you is easy with those huge nice eyes. I was like yah.. I don’t wear makeup that much.. Just eyeliner most of the time. So she did a smoky eye thing on me. I took a pic just now but it is not that great. I just took it with my webcam.

:yes:

Blah Blah, Funny

Is demotivated a real word in the dictionary? I don’t know.. who cares.. I make up words!! Anywho.. I am seriously bored out of my mind.. I can’t get my self to do anything productive or entertaining. But I love the snow outside.. It’s finally winter.. I love January.. It’s nice and snowy..

Anyways.. I was thinking lately about what some girls would do to get guy’s attention.. Seriously. Some Arab girls seriously flirt with guys like no tomorrow to just get attention.. and when they get the attention; the guy slobbers all over her and then she gets pissed off and tells him to back off.. I mean common.. what did she expect? Arab guys are extra horny.. they think if a girl smiles at them for one second thatÂ�? she is in to him and wants to fool around.. common!!

Girls please.. stop acting extra slutty and horny to get a guy’s attention..

Guys please.. stop letting your hormones control what is left of your brain cells that is functioning when seeing a horny desperate girl..

In conclusion.. stop acting stupid.

Blah Blah, Funny, Random Thoughts