I want to sleep.�? I am at work and I am sleeepy.. AAAH! I wish I was still in bed.. Zzzz.. Coffee is not working.. but I do feel like sushi! :lol: hmm sushi.. :lol:

Sleepy Post

Lately I have just been having many random thoughts. It’s just cause people around me, friends and family keep telling me to do things. They want me to do better in life. My family wants me to get a better job that is permenant and I can move up the ladder and they want me to get a much higher education like masters and PHD cause I am smart. Well I was smart than I dumbed my self down. I wish I never did. In highschool I was a genius. I remember when I was living in the USA I was beyond smart. I was getting accepted to University in my grade 11 to pre-med. Than I just gave up. I never knew why. Than when I moved to Canada I dumbed my self down but I still got a scholorship to University but I just didn’t like it. I was studying Biology and Chemistry. I really love those, and I do regret dropping out of Biology when I was really good at it. I was really good at Chemistry too. I was influnced by people around me more. They kept saying Computer Science. Computers are in. I was like ok. I will try. I liked computers, but honestly I didn’t enjoy it. Even working in the field, it is ok, but I know I could have done better. I keep thinking to my self why was I so smart and a genius who got so many awards and now I have become this empty person who doesn’t care about any awards or anything. Daily my mom wants me to find a new job or do something with my life. I am taking more courses only cause I like school and it keeps me busy and I don’t have to keep suffering of people telling me what to do! I like being busy. It doesn’t stress me out much because I am used to it. But I don’t really know what to do anymore. Then there comes the other story of how people my age are married and have kids. Even younger than me and here I am 26 and not even engaged or like anyone. What am I to do? I really don’t like anyone. I don’t want to be hurt anymore and I didn’t find anyone interesting that I can talk to and be with. So what? I am also told to buy a car. I don’t want a CAR! I really can’t afford it. No matter how much I get paid at work, I cannot afford payments and insurance and gas. Life in Canada is expensive, and I have student loans and other debts to pay off. It’s not that easy living here. You have to be smart about your money and not waste it on silly things. So till now I don’t know what to do with my life. I wish I had a better direction and not be so confused all the time of what to do. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what I am doing and why? My problem is I am really good at whatever I lay my hands on. Anything. I can honestly do anything. I am just not motivated anymore and I really don’t know what to do. I wish I was more settled down and have a better perception of things. I wish sometimes and I regret ever listening to people and do what I want. I may appear stubborn but I am easily influenced and I think too much. That’s my problem. I am too much of a thinker. I wish I wasn’t. It’s all cause of those stupid Math contests I won. Damn Math! Why did I learn to think too much! And I won’t forget a course I took called Philosophy of Logic. :lol: .. now that was intense thinking. That made me think way too much and analyze way too much. Oh God. University life has corrupted me at an early age! I am doomed to a life of confusion!

I need to snap out of it! Or just shoot me!

Random Thoughts, Sleepy Post

I know I have not been writing much lately.. I donno. I guess I have a lot in my mind that even words cannot be written down. I guess I am just confused. I have so many thoughts. So many things to do and I feel like I always have a road block of some sort in my way.

Also I have been very tired lately. I sleep a lot. I think I have fatigue or low iron. But it is not as bad. I have not gotten to the dizzy state.. Just lazy state. I donno. I just keep wondering what I am doing with my life. What I want to accomplish and why. I think cause I am getting older and I have not settled down to anything productive or interesting enough. Hmm. I don’t know. I just need time to think more. I seriously need a vacation, but I don’t know where or when. I am seriously debating going to Europe. England maybe. Somewhere English speaking. Or I was thinking of being Canadian and just go south of the border. WAY south to Mexico. Aah.. I love winter, but not the way the weather has been acting up lately. Icy and rainy ice. It’s not pleasant. I rather have plain snow. White streets and grass..

It’s nice to be under a palm tree right now.

Random Thoughts

Interesting how the mind works at times. I have been very calm lately. It is strange. I am not angry or pissed off anymore. I donno why. I am also very unmotivated and I don’t care too much about anything anymore. I donno what I have become. Maybe more like a zombie. It has been a very quiet and calm weekend. Well beside the fact my dad’s car is broken down and he paid to fix it.. he got it back yesterday.. tried to turn it on.. nothing.. he thought it was the battery cuz the ignition is messed up.. It tries.. it coughs.. it wants to turn on.. nothing.. Poor car. I think it is suffering.

Oh well.. that is that.. hmm.. what else.. I donno. I wish I can seriously motivate my self to be more active. I want to have a fun and energetic life. I wonder what I can do. I want to join something or be part of something. Just to have a daily motive.. I wonder what I can do. I want to start a group. Like maybe a computer arab group. Programming, animations, and hardware. Something were all arabs all over the world can contribute or advertise their computer achievements. I wonder if anyone would be interested in that.. hmm..

Random Thoughts

It’s funny. No one is posting any comments lately.. Maybe one or two. What happened to everyone. I feel like my site was offline for a while and I am sure it was not. This is funny. Where are all the fun people? I know I have been quiet and lousy lately. I just don’t have much anger in me or thoughts or anything to say. I donno. I don’t even feel blue or anything. Just normal. Quiet. Not really much to say. I even read other blogs and I just don’t comment my self. I think it is just a new slow year. The days have been slow for sure.

Blah Blah, Random Thoughts