So here is the thing, I am not what people think. Especially from my blog. I am actually nice and pretty quiet in real life. This surprises people. So I write here to express different thoughts. This is the point of my blog. To be something that I may or may not be. Those who know me in person can only tell. Yet, I have chatted with some people who have obviously read my blog, and they are surprised and shocked. They think I am too open. I am wild and crazy. To their surprise I am pretty naive. Well not extremely naive. I just don’t like discussing certain issues. Or I ignore and I just say I don’t. I always draw the red line, and my red line is pretty short. I have low tolerance to any inappropriate behavior. Also when “guys” see my pictures they are in extreme shock. “This is you. No way. You don’t seem that way from what we have read or thought you would be.” Amazing isn’t it! I do look normal don’t I? Obviously I am not a cyborg or a female robot! And yes, my pictures are not fake. I do look an Arab. A real Arab.

So yeah. Back to the story. So I am the type of person that likes to joke around and have fun. We all do, but I don’t like or tolerate childish behavior. I think some guys seriously don’t appreciate the fact that I am a girl, average looking, and I got some brains. Well more brains than some guys like or even have. Also, if I don’t like something, I just say it. I am pretty patient, but I do tend to flip. Once the red line has been crossed that’s it. Games over. I don’t tolerate it. That’s just the way I am.

Also I am in shock when I read people’s blogs and chat with them. They are completely opposite. Beyond opposite. It’s like the two opposite extremes that you would never thought would coincide. But it does. Why is that? I am not that opposite from what I write. I write what I feel. What I cannot say in real life or just random thoughts that just come up. That’s all. But being completely opposite? Showing the world that they are these great people with great writings, well behaved intellectuals; than when you chat with them they become like the son of Satan. I am using the term son of Satan loosely here, cause at times I think Satan would be afraid of what humans think or say. I have encountered this far too many times from chatting with people from my blog or other blogs. I chatted with girls and guys. The girls freak me out the most. I am in shock when I talk to them. Their angelic writings compared to their real life tone of chat. It’s alarming. People are like that? How fake can you get? Why are you writing and expressing your self in the internet world if it is all a lie? I just don’t get it.

So my suggestion is, stop lying. Be your self. The internet and blog writing can be the place where you can say what you cannot say to others in real life. For others to share something with you or connect to you.

I just don’t like to be shocked anymore. I am getting too old and I may collapse from shock and disbelief from talking to you!

They said what?, Whatever!

For those who don’t know what Utopia is, but maybe have heard of it, it means:

Utopia (from Greek: οá½�? no, and �?„�?Œ�?€Î¿�?‚, place, i.e. “no place” or “place that does not exist”) in its most common and positive meaning, refers to an imaginary, ideal civilization, which may range from a city to a world, regarded to be attainable in the future by some. Human efforts to create a better, or perhaps perfect society are called utopianism. Ideas which could be/are considered able to radically better the world are often called utopian ideas.

I guess now it is a bit more clear. I felt like talking about this because it is every person’s dream to live in an Utopian society. To have the perfect life. When I was younger I was always fascinated with the Utopian ideology. I would look up more references and ideas written about it. I am the type of person when something interests me, I spend hours and days researching about it till I get an answer that satisfies me.

I have read the book Utopia by Sir Thomas More. I was always curious of why people have thought of such a thing. Through out history a lot of political figures have tried to use the idea of a Utopian society to lead their people. Also the famous Marxist political system of the communist is based on such an idea of Utopia. An idea of equality between everyone. Everyone being equal. That didn’t work out well did it?

When I was younger, I always felt that life should be equal. That there is hope for a Utopian dream in every person to come true. As the years go by I look back and think, how could there be a Utopia in this world we live in if people hate each other. People out there have so much hate and spite towards their fellow man. World political figures use their power to place fear in other societies. Leaders of some countries rule by power and let their people live in fear. What is this thing called Utopia? Who came up with it and why? Why are there people who are still hoping for a peaceful perfect society?

So many questions. Simple answer. It cannot happen. People are different. Societies are different. Having a peaceful and perfect society according to who’s standards? Who will determine this perfection. If us humans are not perfect than why this idea. I am not saying that people should stop dreaming of such things, but what people lack is idealism. Idealist thoughts. Trying to see beyond that happy scope of perfection that they think they can live in. I have met people who think they live a “perfect” life. Perfect to who? To themselves of course. Also, I always hear people say: “I have a perfect life. I am in heaven!” Yes, heaven as described by all the main religions in the world as a perfect Utopian paradise that one may go to if they have been good on this earth we live in. It’s funny. If we were good. So in reality, we have to work all our lives to reach such a place. Yet others say they are living in it. :lol: So I think for a person to say they are living the perfect Utopian life is completely absurd. Yes, they live it in their heads. They try to lie to themselves and keep believing that life is perfect. If it was, than what is the point of living? If there are no challenges and no hardships than what is the point of life? Why would I wake up in the morning if I know that life will be the same thing as yesterday and nothing dramatic will happen. Such a boring life.

Utopia. A word used loosely for many years that people are using it without knowing the true meaning. Not knowing that it is just the hope for perfection. The hope for people to be equal. Life to be equal. It cannot happen. There are things beyond our scope and beyond our control that prevents such ideology. I just think people out there should stop using such ideas to justify their life. To justify that life to them is perfect and that’s it. It cannot be changed and they like it the way it is. It’s funny because the idea of Utopia is not based on the perfection of one person’s life. If everything around you is chaotic, than how can you say that your life is perfect? It’s called living in a bubble. You will burst and get sucked right back into the society that you view as not so perfect. It’s inevitable. All I can say is stop this charade. Utopia is just a dream. It’s our hope of something better. We can all hope and dream right?

Just don’t fall into the crowd that justify such ideas. It’s all a lie. It is just every human being’s dream. That’s all.

Random Thoughts

The past couple of days I finally got my self into the artsy mood. I was able to put my thoughts together and come up with kick ass new design. I won’t say it is great or something completely different. But I felt pink, and I love flowers. I have an obsession with flowers in designs. hehe.

Next design I will spend more than a day working on it. I will actually try to make it more cartoonish or maybe more dramatic. I donno how but I will think about it later. For now, this is what I got and I am sticking with it for a few months.

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Random Thoughts

This is my favourite poem by Nizar Qabbani. I found the English translation. I don’t know how accurate the translation is.. but still a gorgeous poem. I am listening to the song of this poem sung by Abdel Halim Hafiz, “Qare2t el Finjan”. Click to Listen

Oh by the way. For those who don’t know some of the middle eastern culture. When a person drinks Turkish coffee, the remains of the coffee are kind of stained at the bottom and edges of the cup. A fortune teller or someone who knows a great deal about fortune telling or reading the “cup”.. can interpret a person’s fortune from it. For those who never tried it, (I don’t drink Turkish coffee, but my parents do), then look at your cup after you are done and try to interpret what the images or lines can be.

The Furtune Teller
———————
She sat with fear in her eyes
Contemplating the upturned cup
She said “Do not be sad, my son
You are destined to fall in love”
My son, Who sacrifices himself for his beloved,
Is a martyr

*

For long have I studied fortune-telling
But never have I read a cup similar to yours
For long have I studied fortune-telling
But never have I seen sorrows similar to yours
You are predestined to sail forever
Sail-less, on the sea of love
Your life is forever destined
To be a book of tears
And be imprisoned
Between water and fire

*

But despite all its pains,
Despite the sadness
That is with us day and night
Despite the wind
The rainy weather
And the cyclone
It is love, my son
That will be forever the best of fates

*

There is a woman in your life, my son
Her eyes are so beautiful
Glory to God
Her mouth and her laughter
Are full of roses and melodies
And her gypsy and crazy love of life
Travels the world
The woman you love
May be your whole world
But your sky will be rain-filled
Your road blocked, blocked, my son
Your beloved, my son, is sleeping
In a guarded palace
He who approaches her garden wall
Who enters her room
And who proposes to her
Or tries to untie her braids
Will cause her to be lost, my son…lost

*

You will seek her everywhere, my son
You will ask the waves of the sea about her
You will ask the shores of the seas
You will travel the oceans
And your tears will flow like a river
And at the close of your life
You will return one day, my son
Defeated and broken apart inside
And you will then learn after life has passed you
That you have been pursuing only a trace of smoke
You will find that since your beloved
Has no land, no home, no address
How difficult it is, my son
To love a woman
Who has neither land, nor home

My taste of Music

What a perfect day to rebel against Valentines day. I even went to class and the instructor is an idiot and can see the majority of the people are nerds and asks, “How is everyone’s Valentines? Did you get a gift for your better half?” I look around and I look at him and think.. hello.. you are talking to nerds here. The odds any one of them having a significant other is 2 out of 30! I am serious. And I am one of those nerds. :lol: .. yah yah.. life has been a bitch the past year or two. To me Valentines or any other day is anti-Valentines. I don’t know why people are so into such commercial holidays. I don’t like any holidays; for example: Religious/political/memorial. I don’t care. I think my birthday should be the only holiday. And that’s it. :lol: .. that is a day to celebrate. I think they should make a new world order global rule stating that a person’s birthday should be their official holiday. I think that is only fair. The funny part is, my birthday is always on a holiday so I don’t count. haha :lol:

So anyone out there want to join my anti-valentine’s group? I don’t like this holiday. Only thing good about it is the amount of chocolate hearts factories produce and distribute in every store. Even the little corner store down the street has huge chocolate hearts. So holidays are good for one thing. CHOCOLATE!

Also I may seem bitter, but I really don’t like Valentines. I remember for the past 4 or 5 years I was with my X, I always got him something, and I swear he never gotten me anything. Anything! If he did it was probably after I gave him something. I doubt it. I don’t remember. Like I didn’t expect it since half the time he didn’t even give me a birthday gift. :lol: .. so why would a commercial holiday like this make a difference? Yes I was very badly treated, that is why I am very bitter person with a bitter rebellious blog. I am also very moody cause of it! Anyways.. I don’t care. I am happy to be alone! It’s great. I don’t have to go shopping or worry about making someone else happy. Pssh..

Anywho.. I still like it if someone gave me some fudge.. It would be a great anti-Valentine gift!! Has to be pure fudge though. None of that artificially flavored crap! Ha Ha Ha!

—–

Updated 6:57 pm: I just looked at my 2006 post of valentines day. Yah I hate it. Now I look back and I have every reason to!

Blah Blah, Random Thoughts