“I miss you”. Such a funny phrase that I don’t quite hear from people that often. I always wondered if people ever miss me. Will anyone ever miss me? I just think it is funny when someone says that to me. I feel butterflies inside my stomach. Such a cute feeling. People actually miss talking to me or seeing me. I am still amazed. Sometimes I have that feeling because I miss someone who has permanently left me. That’s what I just keep thinking about. Will that person ever miss me, but for everyone else that I may not see for a week or so who tells me that make me feel a little special. Hehe.. I feel like a kid who just got some candy.

So anyone miss me?

If not.. how about this.. I miss you!! Whoever you are. I will miss you!

Right now I am suffering from obscure hot weather in my city. It went up to 25 degrees celcius today and yesterday! IN MARCH! Temperatures during these days are maximum 10! Not even. Amazing.. last week it was snowing. This week it is burning. Global warming in effect. So who ever back home thought that Canada will melt soon.. yep.. we are melting.. from the HEAT! Thank God tomorrow the temperature is going to be a maximum of 8 degrees! This extreme weather change is not good health wise! Makes me moody.. :S

Blah Blah, Random Thoughts

I spent my evening chatting with my friend. So this is a true story between two Arabic girls. She told me the story of how her friend was completely jealous of her the other day by saying the stupidest comments ever. So this girl kept telling my friend this: “why you wearing those black Marciano jeans. I thought you had no money to pay for such expensive jeans. Plus why you wearing them during the day. If you wear such jeans it is only for going out to parties or clubs. You are so Arabic. Your style is so Arabic being all dressed up with all that makeup. Stop being like an Arab with that style. Plus those pants are made for black girls with big bootys, is that what you are trying to do? It doesn’t suit you. Also take off all that makeup. My boyfriend is going to come and you look so Arabic with the makeup and clothes. You need to change your style.”

My friend was in complete shock. I told her to stop talking to this girl. I met the girl on Friday my self. She drove with her to my city to meet the boyfriend she claims as hers that she met the week before. Eff.. So my friend is so pissed. I told her I had a bad vibe the moment I met her. I couldn’t wait till she got out of the car cause it was either me or her for another 10 minutes! I don’t know why my friend is still friends with such a girl. Some girls are pathetically jealous and big time users. My friend tells me how she borrows money from her and never gives it back to go to restaurants and to buy expensive clothing. I donno. Some people are friggen weird. I just told my friend to stop this craziness and either tell her off or leave her. This has been a continuous problem that I got tired of hearing about.

One characteristic of girls I cannot stand is jealousy! I find it to be this horrible trait that I fear with all my heart and I am completely scared of!

Ranting as usual!, They said what?

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Random Thoughts

A couple of days ago my friend came over again from TO… and we went out to sushi, and she asked me if “he” tried to contact me at all the past few weeks. I told her no. So bluntly. I told her he blocked me off MSN after 5 years and I really don’t care. However, do I care? I kept thinking about this. Do I care anymore about the past? Not really. I am just really mellow about it. I don’t really care anymore. I think I got to that point of life should move on or I will seriously go insane. I think I did go through many phases the past few months. I went through a denial phase. The phase where I kept rejecting the idea that after all these years that he would leave me for no reason. Well the reason is I wanted to live a nice normal life based on good ethics and morals. He didn’t.

Since I am a very stubborn person I really didn’t accept him for how he acted and wanted to mold him to what I wanted. He also did the same thing to me. He wanted me to be a behaved Arabic girl that just listened to him and never ever argued back. You know. Like a maid. Obviously didn’t work out. Plus I am a Capricorn and he is an Aquarius. Really bad match. A match for friendship and that’s it. Even that we couldn’t do! So I try to move on with my life by trying to remember only the negatives of a relationship. My friends tell me that I am lucky I didn’t marry him because that would have been a lot worse. A really bad life. Which is true. I am glad for that. However, my problem is that I have been very anti-future. I quit caring about the future. I hate planning things. I hate even planning things to do for tomorrow. I tell people that I don’t plan. Just tell me when the same day and that’s it. No need to plan things. Planning things gives me major depressive thoughts because I used to plan so much and where did it get me?

So lately I have just been keeping my self so busy that I don’t even think of the past or future. I have become a machine that works day by day and that’s it. It helps me a lot. However, planning, thinking of a future, or imaging a positive outcome someday is not in my head.

Moreover, after the denial, I went through the phase of depression. That’s what I have been suffering from the past few months. I can’t say I am depressed at this moment, but it seriously affected my mood. I have become such an unmotivated person that I don’t feel like doing anything. My motivation level is ground low. I need something to boost my energy. A lot of people around me somewhat make me happy or somewhat give me some hope of a nice future and a good life could be ahead for me, but I am so cynical.

However today I was at the mall with my mom and sister, and my mom was looking at this gorgeous bed. She told me you need to change the furniture in your room. I looked at her and said why. I don’t want to live with you forever. She smiled and that gave her hope that one day I will get married and get the hell out of the house! I was surprised I even said that to her or even thought about it. That was a futuristic thought. First one I had in months! I was always so pessimistic and cynical about such things. So I brought her some joy for the day, and I started thinking out loud and blurted things unconsciously! Major improvement indeed.

Blah Blah, Random Thoughts, Sleepy Post

I will start by discussing the events of yesterday. Yesterday I had an eventful day. I will start with work. I am making this encyclopedia site that seems to cause controversy with the design. The companies communication wants to contract out to a graphics company and the one leading the project wants me to do it because I am an easy access and I tend to work quickly. So torn in the middle all I hear is yapping from this person wants this.. this person wants that. Aah who cares. I can make web templates easily. I am not that lazy! I have some graphical talent and I can do whatever is needed. So I spent the whole day listening to people and making template demos. Aah.. so that was the end of that!

I hate being just a programmer and have to just listen to all this crap. I want to just say that’s it! Make up your F@#!@$ mind now and end it there! This what happens when too many people are involved to make stupid decisions.

After that I just couldn’t wait to leave. So my friend drove all the way from Toronto. She was an hour late. Not only that.. she brought her weird friend that she kept telling me she is so pretty.. blah blah.. and how she is jealous of her. I saw the girl and I was not really impressed. I actually wanted to see beyond that overly dyed hair and all that makeup! But guess not. So we went to eat sushi.. yumm. I miss sushi. I didn’t pig out much. I wasn’t in the mood to eat. I just wanted to have bits and pieces.

So I went home right after that and she left to some birthday party. At home I just couldn’t wait to just sleep! At the same time I wanted to relax and watch TV. I miss TV. Like actually watching.. not just having it as background sound. It’s great watching TV shows and movies at night.

That was all yesterday.. this morning I woke up fresh. First time in over a week I wake up fully satisfied of a long night’s sleep. Did I dream? I don’t remember. If I don’t than that’s good! I don’t like to dream. I always have weird dreams that freak me out or sometimes I wake up and go on with my day thinking that something did happen. And that thing wasn’t a dream. Hmm. I really don’t like dreaming. Only one time or two times in my life I think I woke up in the middle of the night not being able to breath and my chest was burning. I think I was not breathing at some point during the night. Like people who suffer from sleep apnea. But other times I do wake up from nightmares in shock. :S I know freaky. That’s why I don’t like dreaming. And when I am really tired I have really bad dreams cause even if I am tired I sleep thinking too much. Cause the only time I sleep late if I am up late thinking too much. Doing homework. Or thinking about something that just keeps me up late. Aaghh. In reality I don’t like to sleep cause of dreams.

Me no like dreams.

So now I am actually feeling sleepy cause I woke up early. I always wake up early.. but I slept a lot yesterday so I woke up early cause of that. Well I should sleep because I have a long day tomorrow cause I did nothing today! So Sunday will not be such a relaxing day!

Blah Blah, Random Thoughts