What’s inside my heart.

I sit here and think. I keep wondering and thinking about life. Today I felt blank. No thoughts or anything that relates to my life. I cannot think anymore. I cannot put any thoughts together what so ever. All day long I kept having this strange headache and a loss of sight. I just didn’t have the level of concentration that I need to survive the day. Even with two cups of coffee I just felt ill. I thought I had a cold, but it is more than that. I don’t know what is wrong with me.

I think maybe I am just tired and overwhelmed with life. I feel at times that I want to sit somewhere and just listen to soft music and talk to someone nice. A nice friend. Someone who will talk about anything. No strings attached. Just someone who is willing to listen. Lately I have felt that no one wants to listen to me or talk to me. They got tired of me. I tend to complain a lot when I am nervous or upset. And that’s understandable. I wouldn’t want to listen to me either. That’s why I write it here and pretend I said it to someone else and they have to suffer.

I wish at times that I was emotionless. That I didn’t have to think or feel anything. At times I feel that I may be cold hearted and unfriendly. I want to portray a stronger image of my self but I can’t because I know deep down inside I am a very weak person. I am too sensitive. I run away from the pain. I have a fear of being hurt. I think I have been permanently damaged from the inside emotionally. I don’t know what to do. At times I wish I just didn’t have to suffer anymore. I wish I didn’t have to think or feel the pain.

Most of the time I feel like I am hallucinating.� Maybe I am now.

Random Thoughts, Sleepy Post