Dissecting the layers of my thoughts…

Sometimes I feel so lost in my own world. I am just unusually happy sometimes, and other times I am very depressed. Right now I don’t know why I am writing. I don’t know what to really talk about. I had this unusual recollection of the past that it is hurting me from the inside. I keep looking back at my life and I fully regret it. I am having real hard time adjusting or even changing. I want to, but I don’t know how. I lived my life setting one path. No other direction ever crossed my mind. When one path failed, the direction has been skewed to the unknown. I feel lost in my own world.

I was reading about palmistry the other day because it seems to be the new hype. However, I sometimes look at both my hands. The lines on one of my hands is completely different than the other. There are some similarities, but I really don’t know what’s the big fuss? My lines are all over, branched, oddly shaped. So why so many people claim they can tell the future from it?

I really don’t care. It’s like my obsession with reading horoscopes. I just find it amusing. I don’t believe in it, but I like to read character traits of people and see if this person’s zodiac is similar to his/her proclaimed character traits.

I just think sometimes that there will be no hope in me. I just feel like everything I have ever built up to has just fallen apart. The more I try to stand on my feet; the more I pull my self back. I lack confidence in my self. I killed all hope in my self. I try to keep my self busy. I try to keep a positive outlook to the future. But the more I try, I feel like everything around me is against me. I cannot work on anything or do anything without being judged and ridiculed. Why do people pick on me? It’s not like I try hard or try to do anything that is overly preposterous.

I have also become an overly critical person. I just can’t stand some people’s actions. I used to be this very shy person that never spoke. People thought I was a mute! Now I am this angry critical person. I do it to people’s faces! It’s shocking to my self. A lot of times I cannot control my anger cause people piss me off so much. I don’t know what to do.

Now I look back, I really do read all my blog posts from the past. I try to, just to see how much I changed. How my writing tone has differed over the months. It’s really strange reading what you have written from months or even years ago.

I wonder if I will be reading or writing in this blog 10 years from now?

Random Thoughts, Sleepy Post