Dissecting the layers of my thoughts…
Sometimes I feel so lost in my own world. I am just unusually happy sometimes, and other times I am very depressed. Right now I don’t know why I am writing. I don’t know what to really talk about. I had this unusual recollection of the past that it is hurting me from the inside. I keep looking back at my life and I fully regret it. I am having real hard time adjusting or even changing. I want to, but I don’t know how. I lived my life setting one path. No other direction ever crossed my mind. When one path failed, the direction has been skewed to the unknown. I feel lost in my own world.
I was reading about palmistry the other day because it seems to be the new hype. However, I sometimes look at both my hands. The lines on one of my hands is completely different than the other. There are some similarities, but I really don’t know what’s the big fuss? My lines are all over, branched, oddly shaped. So why so many people claim they can tell the future from it?
I really don’t care. It’s like my obsession with reading horoscopes. I just find it amusing. I don’t believe in it, but I like to read character traits of people and see if this person’s zodiac is similar to his/her proclaimed character traits.
I just think sometimes that there will be no hope in me. I just feel like everything I have ever built up to has just fallen apart. The more I try to stand on my feet; the more I pull my self back. I lack confidence in my self. I killed all hope in my self. I try to keep my self busy. I try to keep a positive outlook to the future. But the more I try, I feel like everything around me is against me. I cannot work on anything or do anything without being judged and ridiculed. Why do people pick on me? It’s not like I try hard or try to do anything that is overly preposterous.
I have also become an overly critical person. I just can’t stand some people’s actions. I used to be this very shy person that never spoke. People thought I was a mute! Now I am this angry critical person. I do it to people’s faces! It’s shocking to my self. A lot of times I cannot control my anger cause people piss me off so much. I don’t know what to do.
Now I look back, I really do read all my blog posts from the past. I try to, just to see how much I changed. How my writing tone has differed over the months. It’s really strange reading what you have written from months or even years ago.
I wonder if I will be reading or writing in this blog 10 years from now?
Ciao till Friday! I will have all the dirt by then to post! 
I suggest everyone who reads my blog to post a question. Even if you are not a frequent commentor and just a reader. I would like to see what you would ask based on reading my blog.
I was reading some articles online about the history of blogging, and I came across a lot of incidents where bloggers are getting fired cause of what they write in their blogs. I thought the internet was a place for freedom of speech? I know I am guilty sometimes of bitching and complaining about work, but what other place can I do that at? I think some bloggers out there are stupid. They put their real names, and they even have their domain names as their full name. They describe their work environment and the name of the company they are at. I find it quite ridiculous. I mean if you want to talk about your work and you want to bitch about it, than be a little bit more considerate. You are putting the reputation of your employer and company on the line. If you do have a problem with your job, than go talk to your boss about it! No work environment is perfect. If you want a jacuzzi, sauna, and gym at your work place, than expect to be the company’s slave at that point.
