Ok.. I may have been clueless and living in my little room all day, but what the hell happened to the world on a Monday morning! A massacre at a University in the US! I am scared now! And this time they can’t blame it on Arabs! This proves that there are a lot more problems in the US than we think! I lived there. So I know! I feel so bad for the people at Virginia Tech. It’s crazy. Going to class in the morning and someone out of no where comes in and just starts shooting! It’s absurd! It reminded me of my first year Philosophy class at the University here. All through the one hour lecture, a crazy idiot was sitting in the back of the theater classroom (400 people), and just kept asking the stupidest questions. He kept asking the professor if she believed in God. After class ended, people noticed that the crazy loon left a heavy gym bag and they immediately called the campus police! It was no bomb, but it was quick reaction! And that person was banned from campus! Holy crap. I got another story, when I was in the US, almost every day someone got into a fight. I remember the first fight I saw was when I was going to school on the school bus in grade 7. Some grade 8 student startedÂ�? punching the bus driver right in front of me, I was sitting at the front, and the bus driver had to grab him and literally throw him out of the bus. From that day I never gotten on a school bus ever again!

Another story was in highschool in the US, some guy decided to beat the shit out of his friend, and the teacher tried to intervene, and the guy started hitting the teacher! I was like what the hell is going on here! Holy crap. Another time I saw two girls fighting on the ground and had their lips bleeding because they were fighting over a guy! Another guy in my high school in the US committed suicide playing Russian rollet. His best friend witnessed it and yet he came to school the next day like nothing happened. I was like how heartless can people be! Only in the US you can find strange people!

In Canada I witnessed similar problems; my highschool had unusual bomb threats every other week. I remember in grade 12 I was at home on vacation for 4 weeks! Another day some guy from another highschool decided to come to ours right after school and stab another guy because he was hitting on his girlfriend! Holy shit..

The only bad story that included me in it, is when I was at University and some Arab chick who just wanted to physically fight me because she didn’t like my strict attitude. She came up to me and pushed me and started threatening me! I obviously did nothing because I am great at controlling my temper in really bad situations and I didn’t over react or go down to her level. However from that day I realized that some Arab girls are psycho shit heads! I find it funny that she is married now! (That’s why I don’t like Arabs too much here!) Also my EX gotten in fight once in front of a large group of people when we were bbqing at the park. He fucken went psycho cause some guy said something to him and out of no where I look back and I see him punching someone in the stomach. I was like holy shit! Can’t people control their anger just a little bit!

So from my live experiences, I really don’t like people. Most people have psychological problems and need to go out more and relax. I resolve my problems simply by not going to work or school and seclude my self somewhere for a few hours. I used to always go to the park and just sit there looking at the river and the trees and try to not think. People need to try that!!

Angry, Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!, They said what?

After many days, many weeks, many months, many years, I have finally done it. I am finally sitting doing nothing. I don’t care. I want to do nothing. Feel like I have no obligation. No work. Nothing. I laugh at those that had to go to work today. I didn’t have to. I didn’t want to. It feels great. I am enjoying this feeling that everyone is off doing something and I am just sitting doing nothing. I am at home doing nothing. Just being a couch potato browsing the net, listening to music, and reading articles about random topics. Just enjoying what it feels like to be a house bum. I love it. I miss it, and I am going to do this more often.

I am taking this whole week off, and in reality I just need a couple of days, but I had to leave. I needed the time to be away from chaos. Time away from people. It is great not talking to anyone. No chatting. Not having to hear about other people’s stories. Not having to make small talk and be forced into a conversation.

I always had a phobia from being alone. I always had this fear that I will grow old and alone. No one by my side. No friends, no family, and no children to bear my name. However, in reality I quit caring. What I always wanted in life is not really what I wanted. It is what society forced upon me to want. It is like a rule that I had to follow. I rather be alone. I rather live a life alone with no headaches. No one to tell me what to do or force some social ideology upon me. I don’t want that. I don’t want any of it. Sitting here alone, enjoying the simple pleasures of life got me thinking a lot of what I want. I want the silence. I want the quiet life. I lived the past twenty six years of my life in mad chaos with too many people around me. Too many people talking. I never in my life met someone who just listened. Why can’t people just listen, or just not talk at all and savor the silence? Just for a few days. Everyone should try this. Savor the silence. Try to spend time alone and not think, not communicate, and not worry about anything or anyone.

You may think that I have totally lost my mind writing this post, believe me, I am not on drugs, I mean I am not taking any medication or ruining my health. Due to this quietness and this solitude; I did not drink coffee today, I didn’t need any sleeping aids, no headache, I didn’t need anything! It is a great feeling. This alone feeling.

I need more of it from time to time.

Like Hilary Duff would say.. So Yesterday..

Random Thoughts

My taste of Music

I sometimes think. I know it is hard to believe, but my problem is that I think too much. I suffer from that thinking disease. The problem with thinking that it causes me a great deal of migraines. For example last night. I have never in my life felt my blood pressure go up the roof so quickly. I don’t know if I was nervous, angry, happy, overwhelmed, or pure uncaring. I just felt like I was going to have a stroke! Maybe I was. I couldn’t tell. All I knew that I had to stop what I am doing. My brain was numb, I needed to go to bed and lay down ASAP.

The pain was unbearable. It was narcotic to my senses. I don’t know why I have become this nervous person who cannot handle any stress. My anger level is beyond control. I fear at times to go to work, or be around people because I have this uncontrollable anger problem that is only solved by either drinking more coffee or eating high levels of sugar (ie. fudge).

I don’t want to go back to my over the counter drug addiction. I am tired of taking pain killers. I am tired of taking sleeping pills so I can sleep at the time I want. I really need to stop taking sleeping pills. Last week I over dosed and I slept for 10 hours, woke up and I still couldn’t function for the whole day because my body was so weak and sleepy that I could not think or function. So it is like a drug! I am not addicted to anything. Except coffee of course. That shit ruined my brain! If I don’t drink coffee by 2 or 3 pm than my head starts pounding!

Why am I addicted to all this shit? That’s my question, and when did all this start? Well, it became worse over the past year, but I guess I have become addicted without knowing. I need to stop. It is causing me a great deal of depression and uncontrollable behavior.

I really need to relax. What I really want is to not do anything for one month. No work. No nothing for one month! How can I do that?

Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!

I was browsing wikipedia avoiding real work, and I randomly picked the word Friendship out of curiosity to find a definition. I got this:

Friendship is a term used to denote co-operative and supportive behaviour between two or more humans.

• the tendency to desire what is best for the other,
• sympathy and empathy,
• honesty, perhaps in situations where it may be difficult for others to speak the truth,
• mutual understanding.

I read this and I said wtf. Seriously who the hell came up with such an explanation! co-operative behaviour? blah!

Here is a real definition of friendship for average people like me to understand:

Friendship is when your friend knows everything about you, you know everything about them. They trust you. You trust them. You live though the bad times. You live through the hard times. You fight, you laugh, you cry together. And you never regret, feel sorry, or ever judge any behaviour. The longer the friendship means it is built to last! If you talk to them about anything, you can say anything to them without thinking, than they are real friends! You never tell them that what they did is wrong, you say.. hell I should have done that too! So for those who have known me for years.. than you are my true friends! If you are reading my blog cause you think I am psycho and want to know what’s going on in my life and in my crazy head, than you are a true friend! Love ya!!

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