Today was just a perfect day to get back on track of life! Getting some work done in a quiet environment is always my pleasure. I am just in a good mood today and I don’t want anyone to ruin it! So NO ONE DARES RUIN IT FOR ME!! MEOOOW!

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Sometimes life is funny. You sit there and you wonder who truly loves who. You sit there and think that you love someone so much.. and yet they don’t love you back. Other times someone loves you so much, yet you cannot love them back. I had many similar experiences.. Yet I look back and think.. what if I have given that guy a chance..?? Or if I wasn’t too picky. But now thinking about it. Maybe it was the best decision. I mean I completely don’t believe in love anymore. It’s pure BS. And I will never love again. I promised my self that. I am a really emotional person and I cannot stand being hurt again. So I sit there all morning and this guy I went to university with keeps talking to me and asks me if I got married yet. and why.. and will I ever go to UAE cause he moved there.. I was like holy crap.. leave me alone.. I have no interest in going to any Arabic country and obviously I have no interest in you! I am pretty mean when someone continually pisses me off….

Then there are times when I just wish love wasn’t that big of a deal. I mean what is love really? I mean is it an obsession? Is it continually thinking of someone non stop day in and day out? I mean what’s the big deal really? Love.. such a stupid word I swear. Why not just call it obsession! That’s really what it is about. Your obsessed with someone and when that someone leaves you, than you go crazy.. because the daily obsessive habits have been stopped ever so suddenly. That’s all it is! And since obsession is a psychology disorder (ie, obsessive compulsive behavior), than you are cured when the obsessiveness ends! See.. so stop love.. no need to be obsessed and everything will be great!

Who am I kidden.. I am crazy.. :lol: What the hell am I saying now? Who knows.. half the time I have no clue what I am saying.. all I know is that more people are heartbroken and sad and don’t believe in such thing as real love.. I am part of that clique.. and I think I was forced into it slowly.. than was initiated as its VIP member! So I call a meeting today..!! Who will join my craziness!! Let’s all be selfish, mean and not be in love anymore.. it’s the only way to not be hurt or ever think of someone to hurt us again!!

Ranting as usual!, Whatever!

Yesterday I had to vent out all my pain.. all my suffering by going to the mall and buying anything.. just walking around and getting anything new.. I got my eye brows done at a cosmetic place.. I bought clothes.. anything.. I was at the point of buying a brand new mp3 player until my brother stopped me and said “do you really need it!” I was like not really.. but it looks nice! It’s new and cute! Great that I have a job and money or I would seriously be broke. After I came back home from the mall I went to sleep.. (yes I am guilty of taking sleeping pills and it was the only way to sleep for 5 hours!) So after that I felt fresh and great! A new beginning!

Now I am cool.. but I woke up this morning and my friend was pissed and left me a message on msn a little ticked off at her parents and wanted to go out to buy shoes.. (shopping is her only cure!).. So I donno.. I remember watching this TV show on TLC of these couples who are over 100,000 in debt.. and the reason is because the wife is majorly depressed and all she does is go shopping.. and when she didn’t have anymore money.. she made her mom get a bank loan of $10,000 more! So they went to her closet.. and it is all brand name clothing with TAGS still on it. They actually calculated the cost of all the stuff in her closet.. and shoes alone at 300 dollars a pair were a total of over $50,000!! Craziness!! I would never end up like that cause I don’t live in a major city like Toronto or New York were luxury brand name clothing exists! Crazy crazy!!

I love shopping.. but I promised my self to never be broke from it and rather spend it buying stocks and bonds!!!

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I am still in recovery mode at this point. I have never felt this depressed from working ever. I will begin explaining the story from last Tuesday or Monday.

I am taking a class that is pretty much a group project. Hence that is where the mistake began. I don’t think well when I choose courses for learning purposes. So I blame my self for that.

So the project was split to 2 parts. Those working on the backend and those working on the front end. So I was obviously working on the front end because I am a graphic designer and I know how to code GUI’s like knowing how to speak!

The GUI was done last week. As in 7 days ago! All weekend long I have been begging the person who is in charge of the most important part of the project that gets the GUI and the backend talking and he was not available and refused to come to the lab to work on it. On Monday he realized his plans did not work around 6 pm and he had to write things from scratch! So writing the code and testing it too all day Tuesday.. and on Wednesday it didn’t work properly. So most of my group didn’t show up till 1 pm .. that guy didn’t show up till 5 pm that day because he was drunk. So we kept trying to integrate slowly.. and we were fixing the problems as we went along.. so Tuesday.. the guys did not show up till maybe 12 pm. And it was technically due at 5 pm. Nothing.. around 3 pm they said.. we can’t get this done.. we need to hand it in late. I was like fine. 10% off won’t kill me. So one of the guys stayed all night long till 10 am the next day till he gave up and went home. His version technically worked fine. The problem was the other guy who was supposed to finalize everything. He came in yesterday and I kept calling him all morning till he finally answered around 12:30 and said.. I am coming coming.. so he did.. he showed up stoned. He was beyond high and he is alcoholic anyways yet he is a genius who knows too much but cannot function. He was on ecstasy drugs.. don’t even ask me how the hell people get that shit.. so he was out of it from 1 pm till 4 pm when we finally wanted to check things.. and everything just BROKE! I panicked obviously and didn’t know what to do.. one guy who was working all night was home sleeping.. I had a drug addict who didn’t give a shit at that point.. and a French exchange student who just tried to help but it was too late. I just freaken lost it. We handed it anyways.. then went home and emailed the prof complaining.. I complain a lot! lol So I did that.. and I tried all night to fix it.. no use.. and I am trying now.. but I pretty much gave up.. who cares.. !

So last night I felt like I was on drugs.. high.. even my brother this morning asked me if I was on drugs cause I look so dead! Because I am so pissed I couldn’t cry from the pain!! It’s painful! I don’t think I want to code anything ever again!

So in conclusion.. I don’t complain about alcohol for religious reasons.. I don’t care about these things.. I complain and HATE it cause it fucken effects me and RUINS everything!! I am so sick of it.. I swear if anyone drinks alcohol or anything near me again I will seriously scream. I HAD enough.. I am so sick of this nightmare I have been living!!

I don’t even want to begin explaining my work environment.. maybe I am gonna be screwed over by Monday for sure!!

They said what?, Whatever!

I have not been feeling great the past couple of days.. I just feel depressed from too much work.. It is getting to the point where I will seriously break down. I am tired of work.. I am tired of taking classes. I think I am tired of people in general. I don’t want to isolate my self either.. but I rather not do anything for a while.. I keep thinking I should take a leave of absence from work. I dunno why. I just want to seriously not do anything for 3 or 4 months. It has gotten to the point where I just want to wake up in the morning and do nothing at all.

I dunno how that will last.. but it would be a nice change.. something different. I have been such a workaholic for all my life.. and it has gotten to the point where I am seriously breaking down. I am not feeling happy with anything anymore. I dunno.. maybe I am saying all this now cause I am in an ugly mood, but it is getting to me now. Really getting to me.. life is getting to me and I will have to just do nothing for a while.. nothing at all.

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