The line of trust

The problem with human nature is the lack of trust people have towards one another. There is a line that people seldom cross to earn someone’s trust. Or even to trust someone else easily. That is my problem. I have this problem. I have had this problem all my life. I have always been a pessimistic person who lacks trust in others. Only because I lived my life believing no one understands me. I don’t know why. I think over the years trying to open up and actually talk to anyone was like a major step that I wouldn’t dare to take. That resulted in my shyness, lack of trust towards others, and lack of talking. I used to never talk. Never communicated with others. I just wanted to be alone and live in my little bubble. That was just my life.

I still have this problem. I want to talk and believe that other people out there are not evil and mean. That there is good in other people. It’s very hard to do so unfortunately. It just doesn’t go in my head. I swear I am as stubborn as a goat.(hence being a capricorn).. I can’t give in and just let things take their course. I have to weigh out all the consequences first before I even take one step. It may even take me years.

Sometimes unconsciously I do stupid things that I don’t weigh out first and think about. Sometimes I just don’t know what I am doing and just take a big nose dive. Sometimes I just put too much trust in others that resulted in back stabbing. Major back stabbing. I think when that happened … (long story I will talk about later.. happened when I was 20).. then I just lost all trust in people. I quit talking to others. Just stopped. I guess a huge cloud of melancholy appeared on top of my head and I just let it control me. I just became weak and let my feelings take the best of me. I lost that line of trust. I am far away from it and from anyone. I don’t know what to do. How can I regain trust in others if I still think that people are not worth trusting?

Blah Blah, Random Thoughts