Fan requests.. to tell the story part 1.

I have been getting some emails from numerous people who have actually been reading my blog but didn’t go too much into the past to know the entire story. Or maybe I have never explained it. I actually gotten people wondering how a Palestinian girl who is 26 (far too old in their eyes) not be married or engaged since I have a job and whatnot. Also people have been wondering about the real story of how I was with a guy for 4 years and it ended very badly. Well I will begin explaining the beginning. How it all started. I was 20 years old. Pretty immature in my world. When I was 20 I was pretty shy and didn’t talk to people much. I had my clan of friends who weren’t even pure Arabs or Muslim. I never really gotten along with Arab girls. They just didn’t like the fact I was too open minded about life and I disagreed with their viewpoints. So one day I met him. By mistake you could say. It was fate in a strange way. So I met him and I had this strange attraction to a guy I had no idea who he was. He was new in town and a transfer to my University. I guess I was attracted to him cause he was computer geeky. I love computer geeks!

In the beginning when I met him I was not really thinking of dating or anything. It was normal. Just meeting someone. My friends dragged me and begged me to go out with him. They had kept a bet to see who will get married first. And it seems I was a candidate cause back then I was actually cute and I had far too big Arabian eyes. (none of us is married till now.. ) :lol: … so after a few months.. maybe 3 or 4 he said he actually liked me more than a friend. I guess at that age (I was 21 by then) I just wanted someone to actually like me for who I am. I felt special for a while. That someone actually likes me for who I am. I felt comfort and felt like we were meant to be together. We had a lot in common and we just got along great. I guess before really knowing him he seemed perfect in my eyes. He didn’t drink or go clubbing or anything. Just went to school and that’s it and hanged out with me. After a while I got a job and I started making money. I was pretty much broke. My family was poor. My dad kept going from job to job and at 12 bucks an hour I was supporting my family paying some bills and food. I learned to really manage my money. At the same time I changed. I became depressed and hated my life. My depression slowly took over me and I wished I was just married and lived my own life not having to worry about my family. I was pretty much selfish and I got tired of supporting them since they didn’t support me for school or anything. After a while he got a job too. With me! I don’t know why I dragged him to work with me. That was a biggest mistake of my life. However, he was talented for what he knew.

However, that is all he knew. I am pretty much a diverse person. I know a lot. I may be good at what I do. I like computers and stuff, but I like life too. I like to talk about many subjects. Many things in life that intrigue me. I read a lot and pretty much I like to be culturally diverse. He didn’t. After a while I realized I can never have a discussion with him outside the computer world. I didn’t know what to do. I got bored of only talking about computers. Before going explaining that, let’s go back a bit first. He actually told his parents about me and he actually told them he wanted me. I guess he had to wait till he was done school and actually had money first. Which was understandable. I was pretty patient. But I guess I wanted more of a commitment. I was stupid. I let it drag on with no commitment and it caused so many problems. I was pretty much quiet about the whole thing. Cause obviously respectable Arab girls don’t go out with a guy or date unless it was official.

I guess in the back of my mind since I am a stubborn person who likes to take things one step at a time didn’t want a commitment unless I was 100% sure of faithfulness. 100% sure he was the one. I guess I was most of the time thinking 50% maybe. Not even. Maybe less than that. So as we were working together it caused a lot of friction. It caused him a great deal of greed and wasting money. I was very careful of money and I just kept saving and barely buying anything for my self. I knew that life is hard and no one will help me in the future. I have to help my self. So I worked hard and I tried to keep my self focused. Half the time he didn’t work hard. Half the time he was just lazy or had more important things to worry about.

Then his first car broke down. He blamed me because I was with him earlier and we had a fight. It was a major fight that I broke down and cried cause of him and just left. He left mad. Later that evening I heard from his cousin that his car’s brakes broke and he had to jump out of it. And his cousin thought I was with him. I was like holy crap. So that same evening he came online after he came back from the hospital because he scraped his knees and came online and told me. IT is ALL your fault. I lost my car! That is when I felt like I was nothing to him. He cared more about a car than me. So I slowly detached from him. Only for a while. The problem was more into the fact he worked with me. That caused the awkwardness. However, I guess we made up and we forgot about it. He managed to use public transportation.. only for a while.

That’s when the problems started again. He got a loan from the bank to buy a car. After a while I guess the bank got tired of loaning him money that I became a bank. I guess I was too naive and too nice. To me one thing I can’t stand in life is seeing someone depressed and not be able to help. So I guess I was the help. I wish I wasn’t. But I guess my good heart and faithfulness got the best of me.

I was pretty much used. So after a while, more problems arose. Fixing the cars and paying the bank back monthly was causing him grief. It was causing me grief because at the same time I was giving my family money in order to pay bills and food. I was at 15 an hour and I just learned to just save and save. It was hard but it helped out my family a lot. I guess in the end they are the most important people in my life and they will never just leave me. It was hard but all these events caused me to just be gloomy and depressed. I was torn between him and my family. I didn’t know who to help anymore and why?

After a while I realized he wasn’t planning or thinking of returning any of the money I gave him. I thought well I won’t ask. It is not a problem. I guess at times I thought that I will have a future with him. So I was letting things just take their course and not think about it. Then after a while he bought a brand new $2500 laptop. That’s when I realized he cared more about what he wanted and never bothered to give me back my money. The money I was trying to save since I was supporting my family. And whatever I was earning was all gone. It was very hard to save money but I tried. I really tried. It was hard but I kept trying.

Then the biggest problem happened. His brother broke up with his fiance. I didn’t like her or like her family even. So I didn’t care. I was like good. So a few days after that.. slowly I saw how he changed towards me. He became distant. Then he said he didn’t want me anymore and doesn’t want to ever get married. I was like what. “What the hell did I do? And after all I have done for you!” He never answered. He never gave me a reason. He just decided to end everything (2 years into the relationship).. and I just didn’t think too much about it. I just didn’t let it bother me and I thought maybe his family is going through a hard time. I was more considerate. I just gave him space.

From giving him space he seemed to still talk to me. He actually became more open. He started hanging out more with his cousins and he even tells me he goes to clubs and out drinking. That’s when I started wanting to not be around him anymore. It disgusted me. I just wanted to end this misery I put my self through. At times I just wanted my money back and just end this. I didn’t want him. I didn’t even want to be his friend. I don’t like guys drinking and going out to clubs. Especially him because after a while I realized he has been doing it all along. It is the cause of him sleeping in and being lazy and not showing up to work half the time. I never knew. I never bothered to ask.

So I just accepted things I guess. I just stayed quiet and just did my work. We always fought though. I guess we couldn’t get along even as friends. At the same time I wanted to be with him. I was alone. I was lonely. I spent my time working and working. I had no life. I didn’t want to think about making money to support my family. So after a while my dad got a job and I wasn’t needed anymore. Although I wasn’t making much I started to save. I just saved penny by penny that within a few weeks I had 1000’s in the bank. I was happy. I was being in control of my future and not having to worry about money. However, he had problems. He didn’t know how to manage him self or paying back the bank. He didn’t know how to fix his car anymore. It’s funny all this since I was working at the same rate as he was and I was able to support an entire family!

So things became more awkward. At times we were more enemies than friends. We fought a lot because I was trying to help him with his money problems. I was trying to let him to think and do things in a more practical way. I guess it made him feel intimated. It made him feel worthless towards me. He just didn’t listen and thought I was attacking him and thinking I was better than him. I guess to him it wasn’t an even relationship or friendship. So one day. Out of no where he decided to quit work. He didn’t even tell me. I wasn’t there and people at work told me. I was in complete shock. I went to talk to him and he said the real reason he quit work (although he was desperate for work and he really needed money) was because he couldn’t stand working with me.

That’s when I stopped going to work. I had a resignation letter all written up and was looking for another job. So I didn’t go to work for two weeks. I was about to send my resignation and just forget working and I just needed a brake. From everything. From the memories. From all the craziness I have suffered from for 2 and half years. I just wanted to forget everything and start a new life. Until I was emailed one day from my boss saying that a new project is here and I need to start working on it ASAP. The project plan was there and it was exciting. I told him then about it! He was like what. I am like yep.. and guess what. I am getting hired full time.. A full time salary! I was excited because I felt important. I actually felt more powerful and I was worth more than him. I didn’t give in. I told my self. Thank God I didn’t quit. I may have a better future after all.

That’s when jealousy started. Although after a few weeks we decided to just be friends. Deep down inside, I kept feeling the pain. The pain and regret of ever meeting him, but I guess I tried to find the goodness in him and just decided to be friends. I guess I wanted to see if he will change. If things will change. I guess I was just trying to convince my self that things will change to the way they used to. I was just living my own little dream..

Part 2 of the story to be continued tomorrow.

Blah Blah, Sleepy Post, They said what?