Fan requests.. to tell the story part 3. The End.

Make sure you read part 1 first here and then part 2 here or it wouldn’t make sense!

Ok this is going to be a long one and I got an hour to write. So I will begin by saying that the story that I have told so far was completely in the past. I don’t feel any pain or any remorse anymore. I feel nothing towards him and my life for 4 years was a chaotic battle between him and my feelings. It caused me great depression and I think I got over it but I ended it in a very mean way.

So I started this blog. Guess who I told first about it? Duh! Obviously him! It was my master piece. I had it all nicely done with a custom template I made. And when did I begin writing in it? On my 25th birthday. Obviously he forgot it was my birthday. It was a great start to my blog! So day after day I kept writing events. Thoughts that I would not say out loud. Accusations and blames. I started to gain fans. I seemed to have touched other people with my writing and my feelings that I grew to write more and more. To tell others what happened, and why. That obviously did not please him. He hated it. He hates my blog with a passion. He hated the title and couldn’t believe I would start such a site and start talking. He was deeply offended. He stopped talking to me for a while. He was busy with his career that he stopped bothering. The funny thing is, that every time I mentioned him, he would actually post a comment on my post to retaliate and prove his point. Many times I deleted his comments because I didn’t want him to appear as a fool and start fighting using my blog.

Since I did not see him much, he didn’t even call, or even email, he used my blog as a way to communicate with me. Soon I started meeting other guys and dating them. I wrote about it and I guess it made him more mad. I remember one day I saw him and he kept asking me about this guy or that. I looked at him and wondered why does he even care or bother to ask? Was he jealous? I obviously went on with my life. I tried my best to sway away from him. To see what is out there and meet other people. To find real friends who are actually willing to listen and not criticize me. So I wrote a lot and complained a lot. I felt that I had to get it out or I will seriously cause my self a lot of pain. I was very hot blooded, and I still am. I started to get more mad over the weeks. I just felt that I had so much pain and so many things going on in my head that it slowly made me so pessimistic and seemed to be a person that hated life.

I hated life. I didn’t know why of all people I had to suffer cause of my stupidity. I wanted to convince my self that I hate him with every tiny being of my soul. I just wanted to keep convincing my self yes I hate him. He made me miserable and I just couldn’t stand him anymore. I didn’t want to be around him and I didn’t want to see him anymore.

After a while, 2 months into my writing someone emailed me from my blog saying she relates to my writing. She couldn’t believe that someone out there shared her pain and feelings and she wanted to meet me. So I met her the next day. From that day I realized that others suffered more then me. Others had similar problems and didn’t know what to do either and I was to help them because I spoke out and I didn’t keep it inside me. From that day I met a true friend that seemed to understand me and not judge me and not criticize what I had to say. I could share my pain finally with someone else. There was good in other people after all and were willing to listen. I was happy. Finally.

The summer passed and I started to open up more and try to have more fun with life. To meet other people and just try to live life in a joyful matter. My problem was that I was still angry and it showed. I had hard time trying to contain my anger anymore and I didn’t know how to control it. I became this angry person and I became defensive about everything. I stopped letting people push me over.

So summer passed and the communication with him became non existent. Last time I saw him was August of last year. He invited me for lunch and I just tagged along. I wondered why he did and I was like eh, people are people. I just wanted to have a nice lunch.

This is when I finally realized how much I hated him. He sat there with all pride and talking like he is a big shot. He then told me he was going on a holiday with his cousins and other guys to Montreal and he would be out clubbing and having fun all weekend. And God knows where else he goes. I didn’t even want to know. I just sat there thinking why the hell am I sitting here? He kept ordering the waitresses around and was rude to them. When he finally wanted to pay (he paid.. surprising eh!).. he sat there with his credit cards flashing them and asking me “which one should I use today?”

After that moment when he dropped me off I felt disgusted. I was disgusted I actually sat with him and talked to him. I just couldn’t stand him anymore. He barely communicated with me. I was busy with my life and I didn’t have time. Until one day I snapped. I didn’t know what happened to me but I felt that I needed to bitch. I wanted to complain. But to who? To him of course! So I was mean and nasty and sent him an email. Not any ordinary email, but a bill! Yes an online bill. I said “since you no longer want to talk to me and you seem to not care and you have a stable job, please give me back ALL my money. XXXX.XX amount! ”

I said more than that but that was the jist of it. Obviously it was a shock to him. I remembered and I asked for it! I got tired that he didn’t have any morals and respect towards me! He didn’t even bother to think, well I am working now maybe I should give her back her money. Nothing. So I became mean. I just snapped to a point where I hated my self. I hated how I became. A ruthless revengeful person who didn’t care or trust anyone anymore. I just wanted what is mine and that was it! I couldn’t stand being a push over. I didn’t care what people thought of me. I just wanted what is mine and I was no longer NICE! I lost trust in people. I found it very hard to trust people anymore and I only resorted to my anger and cold heartedness to get what I wanted. Once anyone crossed the line I cut it! I didn’t trust people and I didn’t want to talk to anyone or be involved with anyone anymore. I just wanted a friend. That’s all I wanted at that point in my life. I couldn’t get it from him so I moved on with my life. I just didn’t look back and regret what I have done, but I did till this day regret ever meeting him. The more stories I heard of him the more I hated him. The more I wanted to just leave this city, leave my past and just go somewhere else! I wanted to just move on.

I still hope that I can just forget, but I will never forgive. Because from meeting lots of people in this world I realized that I could only find a pin drop in a hay stack that is worth my time. I can find a lot of hay strands and a bunch flying around, but to find something more valuable would be quite a challenge. So far I only have two or three pin drops that I searched for so long and they earned my trust and my love. But to find a jewel and someone to actually love again would be a miracle. I may need help or maybe a bit of motivation to think of life more positively and hoping that my future would be a lot better. A lot brighter and a lot happier!

So that’s the summary of my story and the reason this blog came to life. It was born out of hatred and revenge, but I am trying to change that. Maybe I should rebel against the injustice of the world!! Too many problems and I got lots to say and a lot of time to write it down!

Blah Blah, They said what?