I know I am using a movie title for my post, but I was thinking about it. How true can one’s dreams be? Mine are always freaky weird. One scientific theory or whatever says people who snore heavily at night usually don’t dream. I guess I don’t snore much! That’s always great to know. Dreams are mysterious. They are your unconscious talking to you. Telling you something. But how true are your dreams, and the symbolism behind it. The scenes, the people, the crazy conversations. Usually my dreams make no sense, but it is usually about people around me. I don’t have recurring dreams either. So total randomness…

However, I do have nightmares from time to time. Not often. In Islam, it is said that if you have bad dreams that the devil is playing with your head. So it is better to say prayers before sleep and have Quran always nearby you. Once I heard that and read more into it I do believe it to be true. It makes sense. Why would you have nightmares unless it is derived from evil?

The worse dreams are the ones that I can’t tell if it is true or not. Like I always have past recollections of events. However, I don’t remember they are events that really happened, or dreams. So reality and the unconsciousness mixed. Freaky eh?

Moreover, the worse dreams are the ones where I wake up in the middle of the night not being able to breath. I don’t even remember the dream. I just wake up from shock. Not remember a thing and takes me a few minutes to get my breathing back to normal. It only happened to me like 2 times or 3 I think in my life. I hope I never have any ever again. It is usually cause of depression and stress.. but lately I am cool. I sleep on my right side and I sleep well. At times I do admit that I cannot sleep at all and have to take sleeping pills to get me to sleep, but I have not been doing that lately.. I have been good and I am so busy during the day by the time it is 9:30 or 10 I get so sleepy.. Zzzz.. It is great!

Dreamy dreamy land.. I am going soon to my lala land.. but maybe I should dry my hair first!

Funny, Random Thoughts

I am always sniffling and have watery nose in the cold winter days.. and I tell my self.. GOD when will spring comes.. spring comes and the grass is all green and pretty.. and what happens again.. I get more sick from allergies.. I don’t know what I am allergic to, but I know it is definetly the grass! So I go to work all sniffly and I feel so congested and I am about to die! Then it all goes away within an hour or so.. then by the time I got to go home.. I suffer through the same problem again.. aghh.. Stupid spring.. Anyways.. I did remind my self to get a hearing test since I do work in an audiology and speech building.. so I go there and ask:

Me: “I need an appointment for a hearing test”

Lady: “We are booked for May and June, and no appointments till September. We are closed July and August for renovations, come back in mid August to get an appointment. Is it for your self. Have you been here before?”

Me: “Yes I have, well ok, I work in this building, so I guess I can come back.. no way to squeeze me in.. my right ear is really bad”

Lady: “Not till September”

Me: “Ok thanks.. I will come back in August I guess, thank you. Bye!”

Can someone remind me in August when I am almost deaf to make an appointment? The allergies are seriously making it worse that I cannot hear at all from it and I feel so congested. Aghhh.. Stupid clinics!! Dentists are a lot easier to get an appointment with!! I need to also go to the dentist.. check up check up.. got to keep the teeth healthy and able to chew chew!

Angry, Blah Blah, Funny

Now it hit me.. I thought maybe this may take a while to hit me.. but it did. I finally feel the complete utter boredom of life. I just don’t know sometimes why I am still alive. I have such a boring repetitive life. I can’t stand it anymore. I am seriously debating moving away. I am tired of my city and the people here. I think a while ago I promised my self that once I hit the 5 year mark of working that I will look for another job. I have been debating it and I am seriously considering it now. I just need to go away. Experience new things. I am hoping to just move away by the upcoming year. I can’t continue living such a boring life. A friend of mine got a job promotion recently.. and she is climbing up the ladder.. and what about me? Than other people are getting married and moving on with their lives and starting a family and I am just sitting here suffering of boredom and lifeless pursuits.

I just can’t stand this anymore. I need to give my resume to my friend since she is the ultimate manager type hirer and get my act together. I am tired of waking up in the morning taking the stupid bus and sitting in the same stupid chair for 5 years. Why am I bitching about work now? I don’t have a problem with work.. I just got bored of life. People around me are changing.. moving on with their lives.. doing fun and interesting things.. and I am just work work work.. I work every day.. I am asked to do so much and I feel others are doing nothing or putting little effort in what they do! They just work for the money and not care about anything..Â�? I don’t get a permanent position from work.. no benefits nothing.. no real job security in any way.. I have been lying to my parents since I started working full time that I am a permanent great employee.. yet I know I am nothing and I am treated like I am just a programmer. (that’s what I really am! nothing more.. ) Even my brother the other day asked me if I will have move up and become something different since I have been working for so long.. what am I suppose to say? I need to do something more exciting.. I want to see new things.. experience new things in life.

My problem is that I am too easy going.. not too demanding.. just taking life one step at a time with no real path.. that’s always been my problem.. but I don’t know how to take charge.. I used to. Now I just don’t. I don’t know how anymore. I don’t know what I am capable of doing. I don’t know what I really want anymore. I used to want so much. Now I just don’t know what I want.

Aah this is a reminder to my self if I read this article again tomorrow.. I need to seriously get a hearing test done again.. I think I am getting half way deaf in my right ear. It’s been bugging me and I got tired of asking people to repeat them selves. Maybe that’s another one of my problems.. My slow deafness! Arrghhh.. That’s another thing that scares me.. that I will become deaf in one ear..

Yes it sucks to be me. I know. This rebellious thing is just an act. I am not rebellious. Just a lifeless hating person.

Ranting as usual!, Sleepy Post, Whatever!

I decided to make a plan for my day. Here I am early morning waiting for the day to begin. I got so much to do. I got aerobics class at 8:45 am. I have to get back home and polish up and look all pretty by the afternoon. I have a stupid engagement party to go to. I am forced to go to it. At times since my mom drove me nutz about it I felt like saying, “no I do no want to go”. I should have said that. I don’t know why I keep getting dragged into it anyways. I don’t choose my own clothes because my mom wants me to dress a certain way like I am her Barbie doll. Because she knows all about fashion and how girls should wear. I first bought a stupid skirt that she approved and said it is nice. It is nice and cute and short. (I like wearing short skirts).. so then the next day we go to the mall again and she sees another skirt and says, no YOU are wearing this. This looks better and longer. (knee high).. I am like wtf. Why you made me buy the other one. I have a short fuse and I told her I am not paying for it, I am sick of buying clothes that out of no where you agree or not agree to it. So she paid for it and is forcing me to wear it. I just gave up and didn’t care. (as long I didn’t have to pay for it!) I don’t know why she does it. Half the time I feel she is embarrassed that I am her daughter in front of other people. I mean she should be. I am 26, not married nor engaged. I don’t have a real future path. I seem disinterested about most things in the world, and people my age have 3 kids by now!

All I can say is. I am happy to be alone and not being controlled by some stupid Arab guy. I was talking to another old friend about this. She is going out with an Indian guy. Her parents are so against it. His parents are so against it. She is like Arab guys are slum. They don’t care about anyone but themselves. She is like he is Muslim and that’s all that matters. I was like I guess you are right. I mean what am I supposed to say? Arab guys are not that bad, some are stupid and a lot of them don’t want commitment till they are over 35! And when they are 35 they want to make sure they find a girl who is 18, fresh young, and does not have so many futuristic ideas and a career. For them she has not experienced life and they will show her their way. I mean common!! 18 and not experienced life.. lol they don’t know how much life has changed between generations. BIG time!

The funny thing is, I was at a wedding shower once, and this girl who was exactly my age sat next to me. She had white streaks in her hair, I was surprised she didn’t dye her hair. Since she is LEBANESE.. So she started talking to me since she noticed I was in her age group. She is like I am Lebanese from Calgary. I was like nice. She then asked, are you married and have kids? .. I was like hmmm no. She is like why? I told her I am in University and I just started working too. She is like you went to SCHOOL. And you got a job! I was like hmm yah. To me it was odd she asked that. Cause from my mentality, you finish high school and you go off to higher education and try to get a career for your self. Simple as that. She then said, wow you are lucky, I have a son and he drives me crazy. He is 4 now. I was married at 17. I was like wow. When I was 17 I was in grade 12 and wondering why my Biology project only got me a 95% and not a 100%! I felt really bad because after that she felt so down and felt like she was nothing in front of me. It felt weird. Most moms would love her since she married young and has children and takes care of her husband, but the pain in her eyes killed me.

So I just sat there thinking. Why the rush? Why even have kids? Too many people in the world. The population is too high! :lol: .. eh.. whatever. Like I care anyways. I just felt bad for her. She was young, gorgeous, but had white streaks in her hair and had such a painful expression on her face. Such a sad life.

Blah Blah, Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!

I was watching this episode of Family Guy.. (love Stewie).. and the episode was about Peter Griffin’s what really grinds my gears. So I thought to list a few things that do grind my gears.. (ie, PISS ME OFF!).. :lol:Â�? So I listed them randomly because I just get mad randomly…

1. kids who cry for no reason
2. people who talk about them selves too much
3. people who whine too much about the stupidest things
4. people on the bus who give no respect to old people and offer them a seat! (get off your ass and let them sit!)
5. people who seriously have bad breath and continually talk and talk and you can’t be rude enough to tell them to shut that stink whole!
6. girls who wear those stupid sweat pants with the word “juicy” or “sexy” on the butt. (your ASS is too WIDE to be called either words!)
7. stupid people
8. stupid people
9. people who think too much of them selves and think they are super geniuses (when a person keeps bragging about them selves that means they are stupid!)
10. obnoxious rude people who keep talking and annoying others thinking they are cool
11. people who smell bad because they are too cheap to buy deodorant and take a bath DAILY!
12. people who chew out loud without closing their mouth
13. people who nag too much about others (and me!)
14. people who are late for no reason other than they are lazy and sleepy! be punctual dammit!
15. people who don’t cut their nails. (guys or girls).. I just HATE nails!
16. people who don’t move to the side when you are walking on the sidewalk and keep walking in a straight line not caring that you are coming by and expect you to sway around them!
17. people who walk so slow and you are stuck behind them!
18. stupid people
19. annoying obnoxious elevator music
20. stupid people x 1000

Blah Blah, Funny, Random Thoughts