It’s the long weekend here in Canada since tomorrow (July 1st) is Canada day! Yuppi! Fireworks show tomorrow.. Anyways, today I woke up, went to the gym and then I went shopping. I went to Payless and got me two pairs of shoes. They had buy one, get one half off. So I was like why not. I didn’t want black shoes, so I got white and brown sandals. Cool eh?

This is the white one I got..

Anyways, after that, I got home and my mom the past God known when kept complaining that my hair is too black. Cause last time I dyed it I actually dyed it such a dark colour that it turned out black. .. my mom hates it, I don’t care. I know black is not my natural colour. I am born with chestnut coloured hair. So I told her, you want my hair lighter, then HIGHLIGHT IT! lool So I did, I got the highlight kit and told her now it’s in your hands. Do it. So I got nice very

simple highlights. I didn’t want to go too blond, just nice streaks of light colour.

The desk lamp made it a bit too light.. It still has black inside, but the highlights are on top. I am satisfied with it. My mom still complained cause she wanted all my hair to be lighter. She said that I made my self too dark since I am tan. (She is a typical Arab mom who wants me to be WHITE!) Blah.. I like being tan..

Anyways, then the rest of the day I was just slouching and being lazy. I actually fell asleep watching some boring Arabic show about names. People ask about their names and this lady tells them how their names reflect their life. They had the name Mona. and the lady kept talking about the name and sometimes it is not that great of a name. In Arabic it means a wish or desire, but it not really a wish, etc. She also suggested that people with that name should probably change it (use a nickname or people to start calling Mona’s with different names). So here is my question, if I never mentioned my name on my blog, what would you think my name is? What should my name be! That’s a good question eh? I don’t know what my name would be or I never actually thought about having a different name. I always liked my name. Cute and simple. Hmm.. tough question eh?

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I don’t know what’s wrong with me lately. I think I really am sick and tired of everything. I really am. I think since I have such unappreciative people I am working for I am so sick of what I am doing. I wrote about what happened a couple of days ago here. That got my motivation at an all time low. It is making me hate what I am doing. I used to love it and it was the only thing that kept me sane, but when you are working for someone and they completely unappreciate and not care how hard you work it really makes you sick of what you are doing. This also reminded me of another project website I was working on a three months ago and the person I was working with completely back stabbed me and made me feel like shit. Read about what happened here. I over reacted and I agree but why do people do this to me? I feel like I am so weak and I am not concentrating on work anymore. I feel like whatever I do no one will like it. I feel like my skills are hitting rock bottom and I am just not as good at what I do like I used to be.

It does make me sad really. At the same time what am I to do? I see people around me at work and they don’t seem to have that extra emotional caring about their work. They just come to work cause they have to. I am slowly getting scared of work and I am trying to just focus and not be afraid. But I am always afraid. People ask me why I didn’t buy a car, why I don’t go on vacations, etc. I can’t afford it and I am scared about the future. I am not a permanent employee and any day things will just end. So I am just putting half my salary now towards saving bonds. I just wish I didn’t have stupid student loans. Why do I have to suffer from loans? It’s all my fault. I should have never taken student loans and I should have just worked. My brother got his first degree paid for completely by my parents. When it came to me to go to University, my dad just didn’t have anymore money saved, and he was off and on with work. So now I have to suffer for it. I was getting around $10,000 a year of loans with summer school.

Life sucks. I am working to pay loans. People think I go shopping or always buying stuff, on the contrary, I go to the mall every day cause my bus stop is there. To walk around! To see people! Last time I bought anything expensive was my computer, and I had to put that on credit card! That was it!

My other problem is that since I am bored and have no real direction at life I tend to get mad easily at anyone cause I hate everything. Well not hate hate, but I am so I don’t know how to describe it. Sick and tired of everything!

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This is probably the hardest thing for us humans to do. Harder than being in love and having to deal with the opposite gender. Finding a true friend. A friend you can trust and love and be around with. It’s hard to find people like that now a days. But once you do, it is the only thing that will make you smile in the morning; knowing that you have a friend that will always be there to listen to you and help you out. Friendship is hard work, but it is a good way to share happy times and fun.

So let’s get back on how to be a good friend, all I can suggest, just be there for your friend. Listen to them and be so informal and relaxed, argue and fight, and scream and just have a good time. Be natural around them and never think twice to what you say.

My mom always tell me this, “El janna bedoon nas ma betendas.” Translation: “No point in stepping foot into heaven without people around you.” Only few good things I listen to from my mother! Shocking isn’t it! hehehe

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Here I go again complaining. I barely slept last night much because I had to go through friend’s emotional dilemmas. It all started last night around 11:30 when she continually kept sending me SMS and calling in crying mode. I am like what’s the problem. She kept telling me about this idiot she is dating and how bad he treats her. That he wants her to buy him stuff all the time. Like groceries and food at restaurants. I kept telling her to stop it and I begged her to just dump him. So last night he messages her asking her to buy a Lacoss shirt. One of those really expensive polo shirts. I am like what the frigg! She just didn’t understand why the hell he would ask her to buy a 200 dollar shirt. And she kept asking me if she really seemed so desperate and just wants a guy to like her no matter what.

So I kept begging her to just leave him and stop this desperate need to always have a guy. I mean we all want a guy and want to be loved and pampered, but not this way. I kept telling her that this is bad news and she barely knows him for 3 or 4 weeks and he treats her this way. I just don’t understand why Arab guys or even guys in general are resorting to such methods of using a girl. Guys always complain that girls use guys for the money, but in reality no. It is not that way at all!

So she sent him an SMS back telling him that she is not made of money, etc. He messages her back saying, “you are weak, by the way for your information now we are not dating seriously. I don’t want you to buy me anything anymore.”

Seriously, if a guy said that to me I would seriously cause some damage. I am very revengeful and no one would ever dare treat me this way. It is so hard to convince her though to stop her crazy acts and going out with Arab bozos. She is better than that, we are all better than that.

This situation reminded me of the song by the Cardigans, “Lovefool” from Romeo and Juliet.

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Today I discovered that the researcher that I am doing the game for is an unappreciative meani! My co-worker told me about her and what she said at the conference a couple of weeks ago, and it was taped on film. He wasn’t at the session and was curious himself. Since we are ripping the tapes to put online for future viewers I was curious to know. So we watched one of the lectures. The one we saw was a session about the game I am making. I am currently at the process of redoing the graphics. Since the original I made was using older software, and now I am more proficient in working with newer software. So I am in the process of redoing the game’s graphics. The logic is pretty much done. It was done last December. That’s when I sent her the demo to look at. We didn’t get a reply from her till maybe April with the new addition to the game. She was mad, unhappy cause it wasn’t done to her expectations and she has numerous conferences, etc, she wants to show at. She had it for 4 months and she finally looked at it with her grad student and she now complains. So I am slowly fixing and debugging everything. I am actually taking my time since she was lazy to give feedback, and I am no miracle worker. I cannot redo all the graphics and fix all the bugs in a month! I wanted to, and I had the drive to do so, but I can’t if I want to do it right.

Complains, complains. So I have been working on it continuously, I even worked on weekends to get a full module re-done. So I got 3 redone before the conference. It’s a lot of work! It’s pretty much redoing stuff I have been working on since 2004!

Anyways, so back to the video. I watched it and she began by talking about us. She didn’t even thank us, and started by saying we are developing the game, and she cannot show it because it is messed up with simple childish spelling mistakes. Once I heard that I was like what the hell is wrong with this woman! She couldn’t say anything positive and had to resort to the stupidest most pathetic bug there is! I was mad. I just couldn’t believe it. I was happy I did not go to the conference, because if she said that in front of everyone and I was there I would have broke down and cried. I just couldn’t believe after all this work she would disgrace us and me especially in front of all the researchers. Not only that, we are practically creating this for free. She barely donated to us around 5000 or 8000 dollars. I have been working on it for 3 fucken years! So you can imagine the cost of hiring me to do this crap and she is bitching about stupid spelling mistakes! Stupid researchers. She makes me mad! I think she completely lost her sanity and became one of those nutty professors! For those who have a Phd and treat people like crap, kiss my ass! At least I can think and know numerous technical languages and can use my knowledge to help ANYONE in any field! I am not so focused on one thing in life and ignorant about everything else in the world!

Aaaghh she makes me mad!! I seriously need a vacation now! I can’t wait for the weekend. I am going out all day!!

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I have severe distinct tan lines. I went from normal tan to dark tan the past week. The heat is unbearable. When I was looking at my tan lines I remembered how badly someone’s skin colour can be towards others. I remembered biased comments from people as I was growing up. However, I remembered one thing, and one thing only that made me wonder how racist Arabs really are. Or they are just plain ignorant. So this is what happened about 6 years ago…

I was with my friend, she is a Palestinian like me but wore a hijab (veil). So we were sitting on the bus and we sat near a friend of hers that I never met or seen before. She was very white, a Palestinian and also wore hijab. I was introduced to her, normal right? Well, instead of saying hi to me she shocking said, “You are Palestinian! Palestinians are white! You look Indian.” Obviously I was half in shock, the shock of me looking dark like an Oriental is normal, I get mistaken as one all the time, but not from an Arab. This girl was from the same country as me! She was that ignorant! Since when are Palestinians all white! Hell, most Palestinians I know are dark! Most main cities of Palestine are ports on the sea! So no, we are not “all” white. My friend, however, was in shock and didn’t know what to say. I looked at both at them and thought to my self, both idiotic pathetic people.

So I look at my self now and see how the sun is killing me and giving me such a dark tan and thinking, I got great skin pigments that observe the sun. It’s great getting a natural tan and not wasting money to artificially get one! hehehe.. I try to make the best of every weird situation.

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Today was just my normal day. Nothing “dramtically” exciting in my dictionary happened today. Wait I just said “dramtically exciting”. That is such an oxymoron. However, that’s human nature, drama is exciting. Hence my life and my readers that love to come here and read my drama. Anyways, I went to work this morning, and worked on my work. My boss came in and asked about my progress and I told him I was moving along like planned. I like making cute games for kids. It’s so much fun! Any who, then he was still concerned about my vacation days. He keeps repeatedly asking me to take vacation days. I keep hearing the same thing over and over at least 2 or 3 times a week. I don’t think he realizes that the more he says for me to do something the harder I resist. I am such a stubborn person. hehe.. Yes, one day he will sneakily take my keys, access card, my laptop and restrict my access to any computer. I wouldn’t be surprised if he does it next week! So, he told me Monday is a national holiday. I said, “I know. Canada day weekend. Duh!” He said, “you can take all next week off if you like.” So I was like hmm, I haven’t planned anything, so no. (I never plan anything anyways! hehe).. Anyways, I was tired of the vacation thing and I wanted to act like a spoiled annoying demanding kid and test the waves and ask for something that I know no boss would say yes to. So I said, “if you want me to take a vacation, how about a month.” He looked at me and actually thought about it. I just laughed and thought in my head no way he will say yes cause he paused and was thinking. hehehe.. So I said, “I don’t think it’s a yes eh? He smirked and said, “ok, you can take a month off but before September, we get busy in September and it is better since it is summer.” In my head I thought is this for real? Why is he saying yes. No boss on earth would say yes!

So, the evil and lazy thoughts instantly came in my head, a month, what can I do in a month? I can be a lazy bum who will do nothing. Then I thought that if I took a month off that I will get so used to it and not go back to work cause it will be such a new lifestyle change. It would be like me being in highschool and summer vacation just started and it would be a drag going back to school. Hmm…. So through my 5 seconds of instant thinking and random images in my head. I said bluntly, “NO“. Then I laughed and I just continued my work in disbelief. Cause if I said yes it will cause such a big problem with co-workers and other people in general. I wasn’t going to risk my chances or even think about it.

However, I will take a nice 2 weeks vacation someday one day. I will when I have more money and I plan my ultimate lifetime trip. Since I got nothing else to do with my life, I might as well plan the ultimate trip! Hehehe. I can’t wait. If I start now I will have 3 or 4 years to implement it. The biggest drag is that I need more money and no loans to worry about. DAMN you student loans. Let us learn for free! Education is supposed to be FREE like in Russia and most of Europe!

My family should have moved to Russia and we could have lived in nice cool weather and I would have not minded freezing to near death in the winter! Hehehe.. Moscow would be nice to visit.. Hmmm.. I should put that down in my list of adventures.

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Wohooo.. finally.. I still love art and drawing, don’t get me wrong, and I still love to play computer games, however, I am going to start making super duper awesome scrapbooks! I will start with making the flickr collection. So I downloaded numerous pics from flickr that I found super gorgeous. From various places in the world and things I love! Oh man I spent so much buying stuff! And I print everything off my 4 year old awesome All in one HP 1315 printer. It’s an amazing printer!

So now I will start making my second real scrapbook. I made one last year for my trip to Prince Edward Island. It;s so cute! Now I will make more..

Yaay I feel like a kid with a multi color non-gayish rainbow lollipop!

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