I got bored.. of everything..

I don’t know what’s wrong with me lately. I think I really am sick and tired of everything. I really am. I think since I have such unappreciative people I am working for I am so sick of what I am doing. I wrote about what happened a couple of days ago here. That got my motivation at an all time low. It is making me hate what I am doing. I used to love it and it was the only thing that kept me sane, but when you are working for someone and they completely unappreciate and not care how hard you work it really makes you sick of what you are doing. This also reminded me of another project website I was working on a three months ago and the person I was working with completely back stabbed me and made me feel like shit. Read about what happened here. I over reacted and I agree but why do people do this to me? I feel like I am so weak and I am not concentrating on work anymore. I feel like whatever I do no one will like it. I feel like my skills are hitting rock bottom and I am just not as good at what I do like I used to be.

It does make me sad really. At the same time what am I to do? I see people around me at work and they don’t seem to have that extra emotional caring about their work. They just come to work cause they have to. I am slowly getting scared of work and I am trying to just focus and not be afraid. But I am always afraid. People ask me why I didn’t buy a car, why I don’t go on vacations, etc. I can’t afford it and I am scared about the future. I am not a permanent employee and any day things will just end. So I am just putting half my salary now towards saving bonds. I just wish I didn’t have stupid student loans. Why do I have to suffer from loans? It’s all my fault. I should have never taken student loans and I should have just worked. My brother got his first degree paid for completely by my parents. When it came to me to go to University, my dad just didn’t have anymore money saved, and he was off and on with work. So now I have to suffer for it. I was getting around $10,000 a year of loans with summer school.

Life sucks. I am working to pay loans. People think I go shopping or always buying stuff, on the contrary, I go to the mall every day cause my bus stop is there. To walk around! To see people! Last time I bought anything expensive was my computer, and I had to put that on credit card! That was it!

My other problem is that since I am bored and have no real direction at life I tend to get mad easily at anyone cause I hate everything. Well not hate hate, but I am so I don’t know how to describe it. Sick and tired of everything!

Angry, Blah Blah, Whatever!