Learn to read then listen.
As human beings, we are curious to know things about other people. It is just curiosity, nothing more. For me, a lot more people than I expected read my thoughts. They don’t use it against me in any way. I hope they don’t and never will. I think my site is more like a little secret between me and others. For them to read, and maybe when I feel like talking, for them to just listen to a better truth. Or even ask. I don’t mind. However, they realize the difference in my true personality and what I write and question it or compare it. It scares me. Sometimes I forget what I am writing and why I am writing it. At times I feel so self conscious and I feel that I am writing for a certain audience, and I don’t want to. I don’t know half the time what I am writing. A lot of times I forget and I have to read what I wrote again when people comment. I forget my thoughts and reasons that I wrote such things. I look back at certain posts and see the majority of comments are on certain critical posts. Posts when I was angry and unhappy and my thoughts were all over the place.
Now, I am very calm and I am checking my site and seeing what I have missed and who said what and why. I learned to just let it all out. Tell my story. My side of the story that people I know in person don’t want to listen to.
I have also been getting so many non-Arabs commenting telling me that they are not attracted to my site because I am Arab. On the contrary, they like my site and are daily readers because someone else out there is not afraid to speak out. I am not afraid. However, I am terrified of the things I unconsciously say. I look back and realize that I was seriously drugged or something when I wrote many of my posts. Also, I got lovely sweet comments to my email of Arab females happy with what I wrote because I was in a way representing a stronger voice for Arab girls. For once, I was proud to be an Arab and I have contributed something so small but means something bigger to someone else.
So a lot ask me about my mood and my thoughts when I am writing.
I write when I listen to music. Very soft romantic tunes or ambient music. I am very picky with music and I listen carefully to the lyrics of the songs. I imagine my self in those 4 or 5 minutes and try to live a short tale. Try to relate it to my life and start writing. I think it is a trick or a way for me to write with more feeling and more honesty.
This is what I am listening to now. Probably one of the best songs I have ever heard..
I am just a person writing down thoughts. Please just read.. then listen.