Childhood Diaspora

Today was a very exciting day for me. I was browsing facebook as I usually do when I am bored and out of no where I decided to search for this girl I knew in Elementary school in Saudi Arabia. I search for lots of people to see what they are up to in life. So I was in KSA till grade 6. So that was 15 years ago! I am really bad with names, but I remembered this girl for two reasons; we were minority in the class and she is Lebanese, and two, she is blond with blue eyes. Gorgeous girl. So out of curiosity I search for her last name in facebook. To my luck, I found someone that was blond and blue eyed and lived in Lebanon now. I didn’t want to add her to my friend’s list until I was sure. So I asked her a simple question, “Did you live in KSA when you were little? In Ryadh?” She replied after a couple of hours of me asking that and she said yes! I told her the exact school name and she said, “I remember you. You look familiar. You still have those same cheeks.”

That phrase brought me joy and happiness! I couldn’t believe it. Someone from such a long forgotten past remembered me. She didn’t avoid or pretend or forgot me. She said she knew. She remembered. She couldn’t believe it. We were 11! And now 26 and such a world apart! She wanted to talk to me more and added me to msn. Life changed so much, but how can you forget people you knew when you were little? Just simple life. Simple Childhood. I missed it so much. I was taken away from it so quickly without consideration.

After the gulf war many of us foreigners as they called us either went back to our homelands or found somewhere else to go. This is life’s reality. We all took a different path in life.

What brought me more joy that she remembered, she was curious, and wanted to talk more. She wanted to see me again! I was happy for once. I felt that a 15 year time period have vanished from my head. I had a 15 year empty gap in my head. Amnesia of this hard and horrible life. It was all forgotten and I felt I never lived it. I felt I was still a child and we were kids talking again. For a few moments I was happy. More than happy and filled with joy and laughter.

I just wished all day I was a child again. Just innocent and not have to think about anything in life. What made me happier that she is a week younger than me and also a Capricorn. That was double joy to me! Capricorns find each other; even a world apart.

The strange part was, that I wished I still lived in the Arab world. I did miss it, but only for those simple reasons. A simple childhood that I forgot and I remembered again. I wished I was still there, to grow up there and not here in these strange lands. I wish I just didn’t have to leave and just live in my own land. No matter how long I live here and no matter what any of you think of me, I am not a western girl. I am more Arab than anything, but I hide it and don’t want to appear so for a few personal reasons. However, I will never deny who I am. I just want to just go back to these simple joyful days. Just to go back and relive the life I was meant to live.

I wish destiny didn’t play its role and we made our own fate and decided everything in this life. To not let others decide it for us. Not anyone but us.

Every time I am sad and reminiscing the past, I remember this song from the movie Anastasia. Listen to the words carefully for this song “Once Upon a December”. You will realize then why I chose it and how sad life has been. Just remembering things brings a person inner joy.

Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!, Sleepy Post