Here is the problem in my house hold, which caused my uncontrollable anger and disturbed thoughts. It may have caused this whole problem of me to begin with! Anger. When one person is pissed off at the other, then they take it out on someone else. In this case me. It’s a horrible domino effect. You have parents who continuously fight over the stupidest things which leads to no talking to each other. Then they pick a target to throw more of their anger on, in this case, me. It’s ridiculous. The problem is that it got to the point where I am getting disgusted by it. I no longer can stand living within these walls anymore.
At times I wish I was deaf or blind. This way I don’t have to see or hear anything anymore. I would be happy. Just living in silent darkness where nothing can bother me. I then wonder how long do I have to endure this childish behavior from adults. It’s becoming such a stupid occasional routine.
I mean this is Arabs.. the old Arabs that is. The ones who get mad and angry and just tend to ignore each other and put the kids in the middle of it. Our generation seems to just get a divorce instead. I know girls who got divorced the night after the wedding, or during the wedding party where the bride just leaves the hall. I am not saying that divorce is ok. Obviously it is not. That’s why you have to learn to communicate and marry someone not for their looks or money! Sadly, even love seems to be such a common word that is lost all meaning. It’s just the society we live in, this angry fast paced society where people can’t stand one another. It’s just sad. No compromises. Nothing. Just anger! I am so sick of it. I wish I was not an angry person and just be calm and uncaring. Kind of cold with no emotions. It’s the only way to live without a headache!