Oh man, today was such a boring day. I woke up and did nothing! I even went jogging for a bit than I got tired and walked all over my neighborhood. Damn there were expensive huge houses that I never seen before. I was amazed and I wished I was living in one of those mini-estates. I kept walking around and wondering what those people do for a living. Doctor? Lawyer? Business? I just kept guessing as I was walking by. My favorite neighborhoods were the ones with lots of trees that made it look like a forrest almost. It was nicer to walk in. So after that I just felt tired. I went home, ate lunch and I felt horribly tired that I fell asleep watching TV on the sofa. I just felt so weak. Till now I feel weak. Then I tried to put one and one together and remembered that all this week I have cut down my caffeine intake. Only twice this week I drank coffee. The days that I did I was full of energy. I was awake. So am I really addicted that I am sleepy all day cause of it?

I want to cut down on coffee and sodas (cola ) I miss cola. That sweet bubbly taste that I miss so dearly. Aah.. (I’m fantasizing!)… But every now and then I will get my dose of java by drinking a caffe mocha. I love that drink!! hehehe.. I miss coffee!

Note: Image used is from http://negative-infinity.deviantart.com/art/Coffee-Love-15581176

Ranting as usual!, Sleepy Post

Today was a very exciting day for me. I was browsing facebook as I usually do when I am bored and out of no where I decided to search for this girl I knew in Elementary school in Saudi Arabia. I search for lots of people to see what they are up to in life. So I was in KSA till grade 6. So that was 15 years ago! I am really bad with names, but I remembered this girl for two reasons; we were minority in the class and she is Lebanese, and two, she is blond with blue eyes. Gorgeous girl. So out of curiosity I search for her last name in facebook. To my luck, I found someone that was blond and blue eyed and lived in Lebanon now. I didn’t want to add her to my friend’s list until I was sure. So I asked her a simple question, “Did you live in KSA when you were little? In Ryadh?” She replied after a couple of hours of me asking that and she said yes! I told her the exact school name and she said, “I remember you. You look familiar. You still have those same cheeks.”

That phrase brought me joy and happiness! I couldn’t believe it. Someone from such a long forgotten past remembered me. She didn’t avoid or pretend or forgot me. She said she knew. She remembered. She couldn’t believe it. We were 11! And now 26 and such a world apart! She wanted to talk to me more and added me to msn. Life changed so much, but how can you forget people you knew when you were little? Just simple life. Simple Childhood. I missed it so much. I was taken away from it so quickly without consideration.

After the gulf war many of us foreigners as they called us either went back to our homelands or found somewhere else to go. This is life’s reality. We all took a different path in life.

What brought me more joy that she remembered, she was curious, and wanted to talk more. She wanted to see me again! I was happy for once. I felt that a 15 year time period have vanished from my head. I had a 15 year empty gap in my head. Amnesia of this hard and horrible life. It was all forgotten and I felt I never lived it. I felt I was still a child and we were kids talking again. For a few moments I was happy. More than happy and filled with joy and laughter.

I just wished all day I was a child again. Just innocent and not have to think about anything in life. What made me happier that she is a week younger than me and also a Capricorn. That was double joy to me! Capricorns find each other; even a world apart.

The strange part was, that I wished I still lived in the Arab world. I did miss it, but only for those simple reasons. A simple childhood that I forgot and I remembered again. I wished I was still there, to grow up there and not here in these strange lands. I wish I just didn’t have to leave and just live in my own land. No matter how long I live here and no matter what any of you think of me, I am not a western girl. I am more Arab than anything, but I hide it and don’t want to appear so for a few personal reasons. However, I will never deny who I am. I just want to just go back to these simple joyful days. Just to go back and relive the life I was meant to live.

I wish destiny didn’t play its role and we made our own fate and decided everything in this life. To not let others decide it for us. Not anyone but us.

Every time I am sad and reminiscing the past, I remember this song from the movie Anastasia. Listen to the words carefully for this song “Once Upon a December”. You will realize then why I chose it and how sad life has been. Just remembering things brings a person inner joy.

Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!, Sleepy Post

Today I decided to cook! I wanted something healthy and cute. I love making small things that require a bit of work. It brings more joy in cooking. I didn’t like what was cooked today at my house. They made Moghrabeyeh (a well known Lebanese dish of something similar to couscous with a side of chicken and onion soup thing.) I am not a big fan so I barely ate it. So at the gym this morning the instructor was talking about ice cream and rice cakes for some odd reason. Then I thought, I have not had rice cakes in forever! So I went to the grocery store after to pick up some ingredients. I wanted to put a twist on it and make it more vegetarian. I am not a big fan of meat by the way. (I used to be a vegetarian for 6 months!) So this is the recipe that I came up with. It’s yummy!

1 cup short grain rice

3 or 4 Asparagus sticks

Sweet potato

Corn Meal

1 egg

Mozzarella Cheese for decoration

Muffin cooking sheet

Instruction: boil the rice in two cups water until fully cooked. Boil the asparagus and sweet potato and spice it up with salt and pepper. After everything is cooked, make a ball out of the rice and dip it in the whisked egg and then cover it with corn meal. I use corn meal instead of flour. I find it better and gives it that nice yellow color. So place the rice cakes in the cooking sheet one ball at a time. After you are done, place the boiled vegetables on the top and grade some cheese if you like on top of it. Cook it high on 400f for 10 minutes. That’s it! It taste good! hehehe.

Recipes/Food

I was having a conversation on MSN with my best friend today and yesterday about a certain subject. She is away on vacation for a month in Jordan and stuck 24/7 in front of her parents. She is at the point where I was or still am in my life. The parents that drive her crazy and want her to get married and have a life. She kept complaining that she felt like she has no direction in life and she is feeling old and ugly (she is very pretty by the way). She is exactly a year younger then me and cursed with the Capricorn traits. hehe.. aren’t we all? I just told her to be patient and avoid Geminis! Anyways, she kept complaining to me cause who else will listen and help her with her dilema? She said she is getting mad and angry so much like an old bitter lady. She kept talking about how much she changed and becoming too serious and gloomy. As she was telling me these things I felt like I was reading my blog all over again. I mean the only reason we get along and we are friends is because her life is no different than mine. However, I had suffered longer than she has and I am older.

Out of no where I was trying to be more of an adult and trying to be realistic. I wasn’t going to say things to just make her temporarily happy. I was giving her advice that I should have given my self a year ago. So I kept telling her to just accept life and not try too hard to find someone, and thinking that life will be better if she had a guy. Then I thought to my self, yah that’s good advice. I should practice what I preach eh? Then I told her to be realistic. People younger than us are getting engaged and married. How many of those girls have a successful marriage? How many of them just marry for the sake of marriage and not love? I told her we both had a relationship that deemed unsuccessful. We were trapped and we decided to free our selves from it. I told her can you imagine if we were just traditional Arabs and just had an arrange marriage or something stupid like that and had a miserable life? We would be divorced! So what’s better? A bad relationship to learn from or divorce? I don’t know if I convinced her, but I think she wants the whole experience of engagement and marriage and getting away from her parents. Like most Arab girls!

So what to do? I don’t know. For me I don’t care anymore. I don’t believe in love anymore. All a bunch of mambo jumbo. I do believe in destiny and just waiting for life to take it’s course.

Random Thoughts, They said what?