Today I realized that summer will be over in a month and half and no more of this constant temperature change. One day it is in the 20’s and this week has been brutally hot in the 30’s. With a really bad ozone layer over Canada, sun protection is a must. I never been so red and almost burnt as I did in this country. I can’t wait for winter! The snow is great! Anyways, today was just another day. I went to work and I got a lot done. I am almost near completion of version 2 of the game I am making. I want to get it done by the end of August. Hopefully before! It is hard work and at times I feel so unmotivated. Also my boss is on vacation for the past 4 weeks and I feel at times that the people at work are becoming too loose and unmotivated. However, what can I do? I just get paid and work. I just want to finish my work now and ignore people and problems.

Also I have been checking out more movies to watch. I got so many and I have been going a lot to the theater this summer. I sometimes go a year without going to the movies. The next movie I am interested in watching is Star Dust. I think it will be entertaining and different. I haven’t seen Claire Danes acting in a long time. I liked her as an actress since the days of My So Called Life. Damn I loved that show.. but they ended it! I wanted to see what happens next.

Random Thoughts, Sleepy Post

It seems I have ignited the biggest controversial topic in the Arab blog sphere yesterday. People thought I did it for popularity or to form an Arab girl alliance. (Which is a bunch of crap cause I am not that friendly and I don’t even chat with girl bloggers online. I only have one best friend and that’s it!) So I did it to get it off my chest and to prove my point. I don’t need for people to agree or disagree with me. I just wanted to say my opinion.

First off, I want to explain something to the numerous bloggers out there who don’t pay for their blog and use free blogging services and hosting. I pay for my domain name. I pay for monthly hosting to have my site up. I designed my site and coded it and I do maintenance on it. I write daily of my opinions about things that concern me. I did it for my satisfaction and as a hobby of writing.

Did you read the last paragraph carefully? I used a lot of “I’s” didn’t I? Well, that’s because it is my website.

So once a visitor comes to my site and disagrees with me and throws a stupid comment and I disagree with them, they get furious.They claim that the whole point of the blogging world is to share opinions and visitors must be heard. It’s the other way around. It’s bloggers that have to be heard! We write, we control comments and visitor reaction. I never said my website was a place for people to ridicule me and say whatever they want. It’s a place where I address my opinions and if someone educated enough and is worth arguing or having an adult conversation with, then I do so out of respect. They respected me, then I respect them. Simple as that. However, some don’t understand that, and eventually I ban them because I have zero tolerance to people who have no respect to the website owner. They usually get mad because I am not agreeing with them. Why should I agree with them? It’s my opinion and I am sticking to it. I am the owner and I am providing a free service. You are not paying to read my site. You are not paying or giving me the satisfaction from website hits. My website has enough visitors a day, and thank God that’s enough. I am not asking for more. I don’t care about such things.

However, I noticed that people out of no where come to my website that seldom or never have posted and they throw stupid comments or argue with me on controversial issues. If I wanted my website to be so popular and I wanted so many visitors I could have done that every day. I have so many controversial topics in my head and I can write from now till I die about them. That’s how many opinions I have.

Some people have addressed the issue of other bloggers starting a blog war against me or something stupid like that. It’s funny, I had numerous ones in the past. You know what I did? I just posted a few lines in my blog to retaliate and they got mad and ended it there. I am not the type of person who will ignore people’s comments towards me. No.. oh no. I will retaliate and I will defend my self. I didn’t choose the word rebellious for no reason. I did it because I know I am! I know I have made mistakes in my life, but I know how to get back on my feet and talk back. That’s what makes me stronger, and those who really know me or those that read my blog carefully will know that about me.

So I whine, I complain about life, I address my mistakes and my concerns, but that’s because I AM ADMITTING THEM! How many people out there really say what is on their mind? How many people out there admit their mistakes?

The blogging world is about a blogger’s opinion. Respect the blogger. It is their site!

Also, I have never gone on other people’s blogs and argue with them or even write NEGATIVE opinions. I never did and I never will. If I don’t like someone’s post or blog I just completely ignore it. I have nothing to say to them and no reason to fight with them.

Moreover, I had people saying, how can you attack the most popular blogger in the Arab world? Who what? It’s not even the most popular blog in Jordan. By the way, I AM NOT JORDANIAN! I am Palestinian! Anyways, it’s popular. Popular for what? I think Sabbah’s blog is more popular and Bakkouz and Moey. There are so many good Arab bloggers out there who are far better. They address real life issues about politics and social life. They have one issue and they stick to it. They are not afraid to state their opinion and they make sure people respect them. It is hard to do and I am no where close to that level.

I know this post sounds arrogant of me. However, I had to explain my point of view. I just don’t get people. It is my site. Critique all you want, but do it in a respectable manner without throwing accusations and belittling me. I am not like that and I will never accept such behavior. I don’t allow it in real life, you think I will allow it on my site?

Angry, They said what?, Whatever!

Ladies and gentleman. I have an announcement to make about a particular blogger. I will tell you a story first. This blogger has made a social network for Arab bloggers and he added me to it without my knowledge. I appreciated the gesture and I kept up with his blog as well and became an active commenter on his blog. I actually liked his blog and I found him a very educated person who has very interesting thoughts. He seemed from his writing as an intellectual with a lot of knowledge of various subjects. I wanted to talk to him more. It was my choice. I am very open and I love talking to people that interest me as human beings. So I added him to msn and I started the chats.

When I talked to him, he was a completely different person. He turned 180 degrees from his writing style to this horny guy who only used sexual innuendos. At times he would suggest that I should go over to his city and maybe try to get a job. I told him why would I go alone to this city? I am not even American and I have no interest in doing so. I just found it odd. He then kept telling me more and more about his girlfriends and his sexual experiences with them like it was an ordinary every day matter to him. I kept asking him and wondering why is he so fake in his writing in his blog. Why can’t he be him self?

After a while, I just lost interest in talking to him. Last time I talked to him, all I said was hello and then he started using sexual connotations that only a low class guy would say. I was fed up, and I said change the subject or else. So I did and I tried to talk to him about another subject matter that was more serious and he said, “who do you think I am? your boyfriend?”

That’s when I blocked him off msn. From my disgust I removed the link to his social Arab blog network and to his personal blog too. I just removed him and I never talked to him again.

This was 2 months ago….

Last week, he posted a messaged on my blog which I pretty much didn’t bother to answer properly. I didn’t delete it because I like to give visitors the freedom of expression. The same day, I get a phone call to my cell phone and I didn’t know whose number that was since I removed his number from my address book. He leaves me a message saying, “why have you removed my blog links from your blog?” I was surprised that someone would go to that extreme to call me and ask me that question. In my case I didn’t know who it was first. I was like who has my number? Was it my EX? Was he off somewhere on a business trip and calling me? I had to hear 3 more times to understand the message and make sure I am hearing it right. Remove link? I was like who is this? It’s not my EX. He doesn’t have a blog. So I used my trusty google friend and looked up the area code. It was Washington state.

I was like Aaah. It’s Sam from Qwaider planet.

I then got an email 2 hours later from him.

Qwaider <xxx@xxxx> Jul 27 (5 days ago)
to “Mona <xxxx>
date Jul 27, 2007 7:21 PM
subject Mona, you owe me an explanation

I tried everything, even calling you
And I heard absolutely nothing back from you. All I’m asking to to know what’s wrong. Did I piss you off or something? Did I upset you? What is going on!!?

You can just reply to me and say whatever you want, you could do it in a civilized way. I would have done that to you!

Anyway, if you have something to say, I’m all ears, and if I made any mistakes I’m willing to apologize. But I would really want to know why! I’m not asking much

I called, and tried to get in touch because I thought we were friends.

I read it and I was like, should I ignore or tell him the truth? I just found it odd that after two months of me not talking to him he would notice this.

So I replied back,

Mona xxxx <xxxx@xxx.com> Jul 27 (5 days ago)
to Qwaider <xxxxx@xxx.com>
date Jul 27, 2007 7:58 PM
subject Re: Mona, you owe me an explanation

Hello Samer,

It’s funny that now you bother.. I have removed you from my blog like 2 months ago. I just find it funny that now you realized it. Didn’t you notice that I don’t post on your blog and I don’t chat or talk to you? I’m sorry to ask this, but are you a bit slow? Really.. I was surprised you called you or bothered. I just found it very odd to see that NOW it bothered you.

Anyways, the reason I removed you because I can never ever have a normal conversation with you. Every time I talk to you, you use sexual innuendos and act like a savage horny animal. It was getting boring and I was totally fed up with it. I wasn’t able to say hello, how are you without you throwing in some stupid comment. And when I tried to have a serious conversation with you, you would reply to me saying, “who am I your boyfriend?” Which I thought was completely pathetic and uncalled for. You treat me like I am nothing and think I am one of those stupid Arab girl who just want to chat with a guy for fun..

To me it was not the case and I just wanted to have friendly conversation with other human beings on this earth!

If you want to remove me from your social rss feeds I don’t care. That’s your choice. I blog for my self and to interact with people. That’s all. I don’t take it THAT seriously.

Thank you,

Have a nice day

-Mona

He replied back after that and said,

Qwaider <xxxx@xxx.com> Jul 28 (4 days ago)
to Mona <xxx@xxx.com>
date Jul 28, 2007 12:09 AM
subject RE: Mona, you owe me an explanation

Yeah, I am slow. I don’t go around looking who has me, and who removed me and all that good stuff.
Your action was uncalled for but, it’s completely up to you what you decide in your life.. A little notice to other parties would really be polite and helpful

Anyway, as you have probably noticed, I didn’t pay attention because … well, I’ll leave that to myself.. Instead of saying something smartass

Good luck, have a wonderful life as for other community services I provide. Don’t worry, I don’t let personal judgment get in the way.

I might be a typical arabic guy in many things, but I think few things about me are different.

Again, thank you for taking the time to respond back to my email . I wish you good luck .. And I assure you I won’t be bothering you again

I ended it there, I didn’t bother and I didn’t want to make a big deal. Life moves on. Right?

So I am a loyal reader of Moey’s blog. I love reading and I comment whenever I feel that I have something to say. It’s an interesting blog and I enjoy reading his thoughts.

So Moey had a problem with some people and posted this blog entry.

I didn’t read people’s comments. I just see if the blog owner has replied to me, and that’s it. Today I read Moey’s post to reply to some blog visitors and I saw Qwaider’s comment and Moey replying, “some people do not understand… what can I do?”

So I read Qwaider’s comment carefully and I was like wtf. He didn’t mention me or anything, but it was like a smack in the face and it was like indirectly written to me and he knew I read Moey’s blog. It was like he was thinking that “I will tell you off and make sure you read this.” This is what Mr. Qwaider wrote:

Qwaider
Take it easy my friend. Rest assured, many people (my self included) love you the way you are. And would never judge you. No body’s worth it. People who think that removing a friend off their blogroll is their way of punishment make me really laugh at how juvenile their way of thinking is. It’s like this, one day you have someone on your blogroll because you like their ideas. Then something happens, and now you just hate everything about them?! LOL

So I decided to write this post. I don’t care if it was directed towards me or anything, but his thoughts and ideas were completely stupid and he needed someone to tell him off. I knew exactly what it meant. And I just needed him to push my buttons to address this issue. To show everyone that people who are bloggers are fake and they write a bunch of crap in their blog about anything to get hits and visitors. It gives them the power of popularity that they are craving. Although they write non sense and about any subject to be diverse and having their friends comment. Yet us real bloggers who post about every day life and our inner thoughts and problems and even things we like get humiliated and ridiculed. They don’t care who they hurt and they don’t care what they say. As long as they get the satisfaction of gaining more visitors. I mean how many posts did Qwaider have in the past few months about the site visitors and the popularity of his blog and social blog network? It’s like his inner most satisfaction is the HITS he gets to his site.

Anyways, thanks for wasting my time posting this crappy post. I just needed to vent because someone had to tell the TRUTH of this hypocrite.

Updated: August 7th, 2007 – I am turning off the comments to this post. No one will be allowed to comment anymore. I stopped replying and I said I will no longer bother with this post. It is history. So get over it people!

Angry, Ranting as usual!, They said what?, Whatever!

It’s been a year since I saw him. A year of misery I had to endure and a year where I had to fight all temptation and live through agony and hate of my life. I have been thinking about this for the past week or so, of how my life has been and how much it has changed over the past year. I was having a conversation with my friend about this and she was asking me, “will you ever go back to him since he seem to still care in his own way?” I knew if I said yes that maybe she had hope for her love to get back to her. It was her way to give her self some hope of her future through my actions. I told her simply without hesitation, “when the glass has been broken and shattered to many pieces, how can you put it back together? With what glue and where to start?”

I wanted to sound as cold and careless about this subject matter as much as I can. Last time he emailed me saying, “lots of people brake up, so what?” In my head I thought, “why was he still bothering to contact me then and arguing back. Why was he still constantly checking this blog and trying to see what’s up with my life?”

Maybe he is hoping that I have moved on and found someone else and maybe he can go on with his life. I don’t know what is going in his head, I never knew what was going on really, and I was never able to understand such a person. Also, I wasn’t anything special. I know I am nothing special. I am just like any other Arab girl. I have noting unique about me or anything. Maybe I am being too harsh about my self. I know I am a unique person. I did change a lot and I know that I have.

I have become stronger as a person, however too emotional. I cannot stand anything or even hearing stories about relationships and love. I don’t even like romance movies anyways, I only watch action and suspense. I don’t even like going to weddings or engagement parties. I feel jealous and hateful towards other people’s love that I feel like crying during the ceremony and at times I do. I keep telling my self, why did theirs work out and I couldn’t maintain mine. I just find it hard to understand. I always think what if we are meant to be with one person in this life, and that’s it. What if you only fall in love once and that’s it?

These thoughts always puzzle me. I tried many times to talk to different people, to move on and meet others. I just cannot force my self to have more than one conversation with that person. I loose interest so quickly and I just ignore. Maybe deep down inside my head I don’t want to meet anyone. I don’t want to fall in love because of the fear of falling in love again. The emotional turmoil and sadness I would have to endure all over again.

I know this is not a positive way of thinking about this. However, what am I supposed to do. Things have changed the past year in my head. My perception of life and love and love and life has changed completely. It got to the point where I hate it and I am disgusted by it. By the way life is. I just can’t stand how much a person sacrifices for the person they love, and they are not appreciated and not loved back. It is just sad.

Blah Blah, Random Thoughts, Sleepy Post