Arab girls changed. Or maybe they haven’t.
I am not going to generalize an entire population of Arab girls in any way, or try to explain things that are not already obvious to most of us. To some this may seem like a shock, and to others it is as normal as seeing a girl and guy make out in front of them at the bus stop.
So I repeat, I am not generalizing or speaking about a selected group of Arabic girls who supposedly come from an Muslim family and have extremely religious families.
I will explain first the concept about being an Arab Muslim girl. We do not live under a man’s rule. We are not forced to do anything we do not please. I am sorry the Western media shows our culture to be prejudice against women. On the contrary, our culture requires women to be equal to a man, work, raise family, and back in the old days, women fought side by side to a man in wars. Women are supposed to be chaste before marriage, and so are MEN. Like I said, the equality of both genders in all their actions and life style is a must. That’s how an Arabic Muslim society is. So I am done explaining the truth about our culture.
So I hear stories about Arab girls and guys, drinking, the sex, the clubs, the drugs. It is all stories that circulate between the community. It is more of sinful gossip you hear. It is shocking to the ear, however, it is not something most of us believe. Most of us think, “that’s just absurd!” Or, “Haven’t their parents raised them and taught them anything?” Or, “No way, her/his mom is extremely religious and went to Hajj (pilgirimage to Mecca).” Or, “Look what the Western world done to them!” And so on. Lots of excuses and rubbish that is heard between the community. No one believes it, and no one knows the truth. No one really speaks of it nor a girl or guy brag about it to their friends. It is a hush hush situation.
Maybe I am just getting too old. Back in the old days when I was 18 or 19. I heard this crap. I never believed it. It was just absurd for a girl to have a boyfriend. If a girl did, it would be a guy she was eventually going to marry. That’s how girls and guys meet. It was a rebellion of the late 90’s early 2000’s. A girl and guy did not want an arranged marriage. They wanted things to be done their way and for them to meet their life partner.
Simple. Understandable, fair, and makes sense. (Simple and innocent love story that ended in marriage.)
However, as time passed, I kept hearing more direct rumors. I am sorry, not direct. I hear it from Arab girl’s mouths!
One time I was sitting with a Lebanese girl who had a guy she liked studying in Toronto. (200 km from my city.) This girl was extremely pretty and guys here were dying to have her as a girlfriend. I was sitting there, and another Palestinian girl passed by. She didn’t even go to the University, but her Sudanese boyfriend did. 
She was talking to my friend, and was explaining her boyfriend situation. The Lebanese girl had extreme fear of marriage and didn’t want to sleep with the guy and didn’t want to get married till she was 28 or 29. (Fear of men?) Anyways, the Palestinian girl was in shock.. She said, “what? you don’t sleep with him. It’s normal. Just take birth control pills like me.”
The Lebanese girl’s mouth fell open and so did mine. What the fuck did we just hear?
This was about 6 years ago.
So now I guess things changed. It has become a non-hush or secretive thing. It became an every day thing you hear. Not a rumor, not a secret sinful thing to hear, no no. It was words coming straight out of a girl’s mouth.
One Arab guy said to another friend of his, “Why should I marry this girl? Who would come to our wedding? She slept with all my friends. Who would I invite then?”
Since the Arab community is very close and everyone seems to know everyone else. Arab girls no longer found interest in Arab guys. (They had enough of them.)
So I heard more interesting stories. Since the stories are permeating a lot quicker, and things are more clear out in the open, Arab girls decided that since they are not virgins, no one really wants them from their community, they would find someone else. Yes, I swear to God I am not lying. It has become a desperate measure for them to find “any” guy. Just so they will always have that feeling that they are desired physically and loved by “any” guy.
Disgusting? Yes. Absurd and ridiculous? Yes. Shameful? Yes.
So what the hell happened to our morals, religion and culture? I guess that’s what the Western media tried to really explain. “Arab women are enslaved by men that they are not respected.” Maybe, it is just those women who fucken do not know how to earn that RESPECT!
God it sucks being an Arab girl. Just hearing stories of this crap makes me sick to my stomach and fearful of what our society has become.
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I’m all for morality although not so much as to say sex before marriage is all that bad and I don’t see living together first as wrong either. I do think sleeping with random people and non stop parting and drugs is stupid but to each his own and I’d never project my view’s on others. What I do feel you are saying is that for an Arab girl to marry outside her religion/ethnicity is wrong. Am I correct? I personally don’t see anything wrong with this. I am a Christian, although not a good one, and my wife is not but we don’t feel anything wrong with it. We both respect each others views. I can see how some people may have a problem with being with a person that does not have the same beliefs but I disagree with anyone being told that can or can’t , or shouldn’t , by anyone else.
I agree with you Bill. However, I am talking about the culture as a whole. Arab culture is known to be conservative and rules are rules. When someone brakes the rules, then one looses their respect.
Morals are subjective, and change as our society evolves and progresses. Are people supposed to be stuck with what they are born into, or are they allowed to chose their own way and not be stuck in a society they never chose?
Forgive me but this is going to be longer than usual.
Beleive it or not. These Arab girls are more progressive and mature than their parents and other Arabs. Sex does not have to be something shameful for them. They have learned to enjoy it and not hide their sexuality. Arabs want sex just as much as Westerners but they are taught that it is dirty and the only “respectable” way to get laid is to get married. I don’t think kids should be taught sex is something that needs to be hidden. Why make it so shameful? It’s better to deal with it maturely and be responsible about it.
Also, about the whole Arab women are not oppressed or controlled. I’ve spoken to a Saudi girl about your age and she says the opposite of what you say. She told me boys are treated better than girls: Given more rights, better food, more material possessions etc. She also says most women-including her friends are suffering from depression and are unhappy because their marraiges are arranged and they are pressured to have children they don’t want. Wife beating is common and the women must endure it in silence. Sexual abuse of young girls is also common but is never spoken of.A woman attains her “status” through her sons. As you know, once a woman has a child she is known by that child’s name – for example, this saudi girls mother was known as umm mariam. Once a boy is born, the name changes permanently to that firstborn son’s name.
As for the men they are totally pampered until they are about 7/8. At that point, they are exposed more to the ‘male’ world. They eat with their male relatives, go to all boy schools, etc. There, all is based on seniority. The youngest are treated quite brutally. Submission to your elders is of the utmost importance.
I am sure this is why they treat women badly – to offset their own feelings of inadequacy. Physical beatings and sexual abuse are somewhat common. Their elder brothers, uncles and even father would not be immune to beating the child as well. Older boys often sexually abuse the younger, as they have no other outlet for sexual feelings, and are taught to despise their urges.The women in the household allow the boy free rein. The sisters must be subservient to him. He gets the best food. His health and education are most important.
They are often touched sexually to calm them. For example, when a small boy cries or has a tantrum, one of the women might fondle and masturbate his penis until he is calm or smiles. He is allowed access to his mother’s breasts while she is nursing or just to suck on. They are taught that they are responsible for their sisters’ moral behaviour. Family honour is everything.If a sister is known to have contact with a boy outside the family, this diminishes the brother’s chance of marriage and implies he cannot control his family. Honour killings are almost always done by the father and brothers, not by a hired assassin.
Jason.. your westernized view points and talking to the most oppressed and closed minded Arabs (Saudis) made your answer very stupid. You know nothing about our religion and culture. So give it up! Your answer was stupid and I didn’t bother reading the whole thing. When I first read your first paragraph I thought it was so typical of westernized people to think that way.
So give it up and don’t bother answering or posting about something you DON’T KNOW about. ok?
Mona why you angry? I wasn’t talking about religion. This is what she told me. I’m not making this up. She’s just telling it like it is even though it’s not pretty to look at. She’s not the only Arab I’ve spoken to who has told me similiar things. Are they all telling tall tales?
Do you really think Arab women around the world are treated wonderfully by their family and society? You yourself have mentioned that your mother always disrespects you and has never really said anything nice to you in all your life. That your brothers education was payed for and yours wasn’t and so on. Is that equality?
It’s funny how seriously you take my blog writing. It’s hilarious when I read your post.. you think I am treated like crap or something? She is a mother like any other mother out here. My brother’s first degree was paid for, his second one wasn’t. He got student loan just like me because my parents could not afford it.
You need to really stop taking what people write in blogs and what you hear from others as the be all and only truth out there.. Seriously.. stop taking it too seriously!!
Yes I do think you’re treated badly. People who are treated well by family don’t try to commit suicide. I don’t believe you want people not to take what you write seriously. I think that’s why you made this blog in the first place-to have people value your thoughts and feelings. You’re just saying “don’t take stuff seriously” because your angry at what I wrote about Arabs. You don’t have to agree with me but please don’t insult me by calling me names and laughing at my comments.
Hi,
Being a Pakistani living in Saudi Arabia I have the opportunity to see things happening in three diff worlds. Even in pakistan and Saudi Arabia the new found emancipation by girls have changes the concept of morality. This have lead to a generation of girls and boys who are “rebelling” against the traditional concepts and taking over the concepts of west or what they see of west on TV and net. Although we hear stories of dating and pre marital relationship but I stil think thet are still rarity and not norm. But the fact that the girls and boys of current age are actively talking about it is a harbinger to the things to come. LOL that maeks me feel so old!!
I think there’s some confusion here between culture and religion that should be clarified. Bill, in Islam it’s forbidden for a muslim woman to marry a non-muslim man, and so is premarital sex, so this isn’t a matter of anyone’s personal opinion, it’s faith!
Mona I used to be like you, I never believed those stories about this girl or guy this and that but twhen I got older than I actually physically witnessed things so now I don’t put too much past anyone. Nowadays people’s facebook pictures and youtube videos ‘out’ them!
I think the the domino effect has alot to do with the widespread problem in our communities. It’s only takes one or two bad apples in the first place to corrupt the rest-it’s just not glamorous to be a goody goody. The problems that they had in my sisters generation (she’s 17) were totally unheard of in my generation (I’m 23).
“So what the hell happened to our morals, religion and culture?”. I think the better question to ask is “so what the hell happened to our religion?”. Morals and culture alone don’t hold very much substance. If you do something that’s against your culture alone who cares? people might gossip about you, so what? As for as morals go, well who defines what’s moral anyway?
However, with Islam we’re taught about accountability for our actions. You will have to answer to a higher authority for what you’ve done-an authority that’s higher than our culture, morals, society, country, and whole damm world! If you fear God then everything else should just fall into place.
As a teenager if you put a beer down in front of me all the peer pressure in the world wouldn’t have made me drink it because I knew it was 7araam and that Allah (swt) was watching me. If it wasn’t for my faith then I probably would have given in because then what would the big deal be?
As far as Jason guys, I’m not even going to address what you’re saying except to say you’ve either chosen to focus on the most extreme minority in the arab world or you’re believing someone’s made up shit cause I’ve never heard of half that stuff and I’ve lived in the middle east. Either way,noone’s interested in discussing the deviant ways of the extrememe minorities in the saudi community, every society has those!
sooooo sorry about the double response I know it looks annoying! the page wouldn’t let me post first so I kept refreshing and it ended up posting twice with one cutoff paragraph! I’m sawwwyyyy
Jason – I suggest you stop posting on my blog. Please and thank you. If you do, I am completely ignoring you and I will let ARABS and MUSLIMS who comment on my blog to reply to you instead.
Tauqir Rana MD – yah.. things are changing rapidly due to the media, TV, internet. It is scary but no one can stop this.
Asma – I agree with you. Religion is more important than anything.. I was describing morals because the morals we have are based on our religion. You see that’s the problem with Arabs and Muslims. It is interwined. I donno. I just want to stay away from such girls and guys. It is disgusting.
this is nothing what i heard the other day on TV in egypt and the Arab world these days young guys and girls to justify there affairs and having sex before marriage the natural way and islamic ay they are getting married by a tattoo both the guy and girl have done on there body
or the CD marriage when the say there vows on CD or on cassette tape ,or blood marriage just to justify having sex ,wallah it’s getting scary to hear such thing ,may god don’t punish us with there sins wallah it 7aram ,but know one care maybe for man he doesn’t care but what about the girl the Arab muslim girls they don’t stop and think about the honer there family the future husband who would come and ask there hand in marriage on day forget all that don’t they think about god that’s he is watching that he he will punish them for that sooner or later whats happening to us Arab and especially the girls ,i balm the media the opens to freedom that way they r doing all the wrong way i blame the TV the family i don’t know what say Allah i can say may god show them rite way .
mohammad THIS IS NOT A DATING SITE! I am removing your posts!
LOOOOOOOOOL that’s hilarious!
Hi Jason,
It is maybe true what the girl said about saudia arabia but not all the arabic and muslim countries are like this.
For instance, In morocco, girls study and work and are treated just like guys. But still, girls doesn’t have the right to have sexual reltions before marriage but men are allowed to, not according to the religion, but to the culture.
Also, in morocco, if a woman get abused by her husband she will just call the police.
and Personnaly, even if I am the only girl within my family, I have 3 brothers, my parents loves me so much and spoiled me and they send me to study abrod just like they did with my brothers. They never obliged me to marry someone and my brothers have never been nasty with me.
With all this, my family are vey conservative and religious.
So the point jason, is that you don’t have to generalize what you heard on all arabic and muslim countries. it is even different from one family to another. It all depends on how the parents understand religion and on how much they are educated and civilized.
Yes Mona, I totally agree that arabic girls starts to be desperate, I really noticed that here in canada. But it si not only arabic girls it is also canadian girls.Like I don’t understand what,s going on. Girls, nowdays, they just wnat to stick to any men, just for the status of married women or for a woman in relationship.
I ve also heard that some arabic men they go and asks muslim guys to marry their daughters.
It is just awful what is happening.
I think women should learn to live alone instead of being with jerks who will make them hate their life.
And what’s wrong with a non-virgin girl, if she chose that. She will have to assume that without that we look at her in a bad way, since the majority of arab guys just sleep with all girls they cross. Why we don’t look at them in a bad way. and these guys, they defnitely, don’t deserve a virgin girl because they are just dirty.
And a virgin girl, is a pure innocent strong girl that really deserve the best man.
As in our Koran: Attayebouna lli tayebat wal khabitouna lil khabitat.
I want to make three notes here:
1. Live & let live: if they’re doing the wrong thing and there is a god (Im an agnostic) then they shall be judged.
2. I agree completely with JohnL’s point of view.
3. I hate to say this, but just because you weren’t mistreated, abused or belittled doesn’t mean everyone wasn’t. As a matter of fact, the majority of women in the gulf states, Egypt and Sudan are mistreated in some form or another.
How do I know this? For starters, these women themselves say so. Read the reports written by Arab countries and released by their own governments (not all of the governments of the afore-mentioned states, obviously) which state this. Also, through simple interaction with males (fathers and brothers) one could tell that most of them are biased in some form or another against their daughters/sisters.
This could be a remark like when a cab driver the other day told me (I live in Egypt) that a female passenger of his said (about Mubarak) that she can’t imagine how god can begin to punish him for all the wrongs he has done. The driver turned towards me and said: If a woman says this, can you imagine how a man, _who works all day for his wife and family_ must feel?
OR it could be through direct means of ill-treatment when a young idiotic dude I don’t even know was talking to a friend of mine and said that he slapped his elder sister when she raised her voice (and they were arguing) and that (when we asked him about how his parents reacted) both parents supported his actions because he was the “man of the house” in the absence of his father.
These are not isolated incidents. They happen all over. The happen mostly in poor urban neighbourhoods and areas and in most rural towns and villages. It’s an every day story for most of these women, some of whom cannot even begin to imagine a different form of life because this is the way it has been for them, their mothers, their grandmothers and many generations of females in their families before.
Women in this region are not treated well. Undoubtedly. The differenciation you should be making is that it is not a religious thing. It is not Islam, nor christianity nor judaism that stipulates these women be treated so. It is a practice that has been handed down for generations before any of the three “heavenly religions” came into being. It is more embedded in the psyche of these people than those three religions… making it quite a difficult thing to weed out. As difficult as, say, murder.
Just to be clear again, this isn’t my opinion. I make these statements based on numbers, statements, reports and historical evidence.
It is the sad reality of the matter.
ok i just wanted to say a couple of things. what some people are saying about the way women are treated in the arab culture (not being treated equal to men) is true. But as generations go bye this changes. the more years that go bye the more arab men and women are treated equal. i think that both mona and jason are over doing it on their views.
Im palastinian arabic and i love my culture , i think its the best nationality to be we’re a verry strong ppl , yet i hate arabic ppl, the way they think there so limited , they make me sick , premitive and ignorent , they have rules that make no sense , they have words like sharaf they jusstfy killing women with , although it sounds kind of romantic to kill for moral reasons , its awful and thies ppl should be educated , im currently living in israel , buti wish i could go home to canada , i cant go home i have obligations here , but being arabic here sucks
srena if u call canada home that ur heart in not with palestine. and what type of palestinian calles falesteen ISREAL!!!!
nadia i dont understand your question dear lol, its loaded , yes im palestinan , yes im canadian , and yes i live in israel, what do you want from me? thats just the way it is , deal with it honey, and yes i miss canada, and yes my heart is with palestine , your point is what? and the type of palestinian that calles palestine israel is the realistic kind , read the news papper honey, so until you come free palestine youd be a hypocrit callin it palistine.
srena…hyprocite??? how exactly? and just because the newspapers say something doesnt mean its true. I think you have to open ur eyes and not follow what people tell you. I have no problem with you missing Canada. When i leave America I miss it. However, calling Palestine Iseael is something completly diferent. If its called Israel then why do you not say your israelian? And i take it since you told me to go free palestine that your happy with the fact that its under occupation?
come on you two.. no need to fight.. I have been reading this bickering and it is not necessary to do so. If you want to contact each other than tell me..
srena read this.. it might let YOU open ur eyes.
http://www.thepeoplesvoice.org/cgi-bin/blogs/voices.php/2007/11/09/despite_denials_there_always_was_a_pales
hey ,
i really like your conversation. so concerning israel or palestin i dont think so, there is a problem with that. i am arabic too but the way how the arabic community treat each other its really shame. i worked for arabic company n i hated my self to get in there because there was no respect they looked at u as sexuality. i was like what the hill am i doing here. then i started working with some israelis. they respected me alot n i have never felt thsi way. even the old arabic people that they should treat u as their daughters they start wanna get close to u . i m sorry guys i m so upset i dunno what the hill happened to our community
salam Sara,
wherever u go you can find bad or good, and i think those guys u met are totally bad and i am a shame to hear about them as an Arab. like in any place and culture, u always can find good or nasty men, but those nasty men are not really respectable and even know something about respect and religion. believe me, i live in Israel and study for second degree in Tel Aviv university, i see daily life with many colors and all people are humanbeing who can commit errors and make bad things. but the real muslim man who is Arab will never be bad or nasty since he first knows that there is one and only one who owes him explanation (Allah) the most compassionate. lots of times i kept teasing my husband out and kidding with him not to look at any other beautiful girls, u know what he said, he always said my faith to you maybe distracted be Devil but my faith on Allah is stronger than anything in the world.
Dear Sara,
always know that a culture or a religion is not discovered through one person or a group of individuals. there are many people who are led unstraight and even not called Muslims, the same thing with Islam and terrioresim.
thanks for hearing
Whats disgusting for an arab woman to see a non arab guy?? say a non muslim arab guy?? Whyis it disgusting? i thougth islam preached equality, you cant have the cake and eat it too either be muslim or be arab dont mix and match values of one with the culture of the other.
Whats disgusting for an arab woman to see a non arab guy?? say a non arab muslim guy?? Whyis it disgusting? i thougth islam preached equality, you cant have the cake and eat it too either be muslim or be arab dont mix and match values of one with the culture of the other.
hey…..
things r changing now a days… so dont mixup the topic with culture & religion…
as i respect every religion & do believe in god.. but when it come to the religion level then…i know only one religion that’s HUMAN BEING….
when u talk about the *respect* .. simply u respect others and obviously other will respect u….
so, now its depends, how u take it & think it..coz as every one is not like u .. to think like u.. the way said on ur blog & the way ppl commented.
now wen u talk about culture.. it also varies from person 2 person.. how he/she takes it. some people follow it, some may do not.. n some are follow their own..
however, whatever i said above directly or indirectly relate to the topic discussion…
just have a closer look on ur figures….and try to understand… why they r not equal? if u find the answer then u will know..what i am talkin about…