To be in love.. once again.
Lately I have been just feeling mellow about life and people. I guess after a while and having such bad experiences in the past, that thinking about love in general is quite tedious. I don’t really know how to describe it. I guess sometimes I wish I can just be more open and give someone else a chance. I find it hard to open these doors again. I feel like I am just removing the bandages of the past.
Sometimes I just feel that I am in love with someone. I guess when you are alone and have no real desire of living life, that anything in your head is possible. The day dreams, the continuous talk to one self really makes a person wonder about life. I am not saying that my previous delusional posts have anything to do with what I am feeling now, but sometimes I just wish things were just “normal.”
I don’t know how to define normal. I never had a normal life. I never had anyone like me for who I am. I never considered my self pretty or anything special. I don’t think highly of my self like some other Arab girls think on a daily bases, so I really just think that no one bothered to like me for who I am. At times I wondered why I was liked in the first place. If my personality and way of thinking is absurd and does not deem appropriate for an Arab girl to be so opinionated and knowledgeable about life, then why I was liked in the first place?
I know things I say are completely bazaar and are not making any sense, but sometimes time catches up on a person. Days pass, years pass, and things stay the same. That is why I mentioned in my previous post about time. How time goes by so fast that we are not keeping up with anything anymore. We cannot keep up with life around us. We are not keeping up with being in love anymore that everything is so technical and impersonal. When was the last time someone sat down and wrote a poem or written a letter in their own hand? When was the last time someone kept calling you and wanting to see you all the time?
Now.. what is love? Now people fall in love and break up over the internet with a click of a button.
I just cannot fathom the idea of being in love again. It is just too hard and thinking about it hurts; being lonely and sad seems more gracious to the soul. I know I am pessimistic about these things, but it has gotten to the point and I am at the age when I am fully awake. I look back and think, what the hell did I do to my self? Could I have prevented it? Could things have changed if I allowed it to? Maybe not.
I just look at my self in my mirror every day and think to my self, “what the hell did I do to my self? What did I gain from life being so naive and stupid and helpless towards the most uncontrollable emotion a person can endure?” I just wish that I can get this melancholy feeling out of my head permanently and hoping to God that it will stop.
When will it stop?
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I looove FouseyTube!! All of his videos are... 
that’s funny me and you both had posts today about love, but yours is more serious
aaawwww don’t get down on yourself! He obviously wasn’t the one and just have faith in God that ‘the one’ is out there! Are you into spas? well if you’re not then start! Although superficial getting pampered for that hour or 2 or 3 does wonders to make you feel pretty and better about yourself!
I was feeling the same way today. Maybe there’s some kinda vibe in the air, or Venus is in orbit
When I start thinking these same thoughts, I just remember there is something called fate, and naseeb and destiny, and that if things don’t happen now, they will sometime. It will hit you like a ton of bricks, and it will be super special and nothing anyone, not even you, can say or do anything to stop it. It’s tough to stop looking for it, and to open up yourself to it again. Sometimes we still don’t heal, that could be part of your fate as well. Try to make the most of whatever situation you’re in, and work your way to happiness. It’s not you hunny that’s “wrong”, maybe this is the way you are meant to feel now, but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.
I feel like everyday & Arab girls – most I mean – lack self confidence..
Due to previous bad experiences too, I find it hard to define love or trust those feelings as as I keep saying, they are taken for granted… Why do you think you ain’t pretty! mashallah you are FINE…
I came to the conclusion lately, I feel like that cuz of loneliness & boredom…
Asoom – I tend to be serious from time to time!!
Queenie – thanks for the advice.. that was sweet!
Chikapappi – thanks for the compliments.. you are sweet.. and yes. maybe I am saying all these things because I am “bored”!
I have to say I can somehow relate. I ask myself everyday if it is possible to fall head over heals again. No is the answer I usually come up with. However I saw many broken hearts fall in love again, so perhaps it is possible.
The way I try to look at it, not that I succeed, is that you have to hit rock bottom to shine again. Imagine all those strong, beautiful emotions you once had for someone and multiply them by 3 or 4. Thats the kind of love you’ll end up having for your ‘one’.
Or maybe I’m just a romanticist
Oh, love, this is really a very complicated and controvertial subject that you are discussing Mona.
I guess, I have a special personal view of love.
I have never fell in love but I did admire and like some guys…
I think it is somehow weird that a girl like me in her 25 year, as emotional and romantic as me didn’t fall in love yet. But it is just because, I am a very demanding personal and I cannot feel such strong feeling easily.
Anyways, The concept of LOVE means to me that 2 people must exchange strong feelings of respect and especially the ability to sacrify whatever for the other person.
In other words, the person who loves is supposed to be able to do miracles for the sake that their relationship succeed and last forever. Also, the person who loves is supposed to be aware and to be conscious of all the negative things in his lover and at the same time he is accepting them and focussing only on the positive things he likes.
The person who loves is supposed to forgive whatever the other person did. he is supposed also to be happy for all the positive realizations and success the other person achieved without feeling jealous.
Finally, two people who loves each other are supposed to be able to think loudly, to be completely transparent, to understand each other only by looking at each other…
This is what LOVE means to me.
Hmm..it makes me feel sad that enough people on this blog which is a small sampling …can feel about love like i do..although i suppose i take it to an extreme. I believe one of the worst things you can do with love..is go looking for it…you usually find something else… and its usually distasteful..but i suppose thats a generalization. To me…Love is trust… without it…its nothing..its about caring about someone else more than you do yourself..its about listening more than speaking.. I am a very closed off person and have been burned every time i’ve come out of my shell…so for me…i can say..Romantic Love does not exist…but i sincerely hope for the rest of you…that any trials and tribulations in this area will soon pass.