Sleepless nights causes stressful days

One thing I hate about my self is my horrible sleep. I wake up in the middle of the night because I have very strange dreams that sleeping is out of the question. I don’t know what is wrong with me. The dreams are sometimes extremely accurate and sad, and other times is complete nonsense. This caused my sleep to deplete by 1/2 of it’s required time. Most of the time I only sleep for 5 or 6 hours. So you can imagine my zombieness with only 2 or 3 hours.

So you may ask what is wrong with me and why I am like this? I have no clue.. but I do have a fear of sleeping because of dreams. I used to have nightmares constantly growing up. It became worse as I grew older. Sometimes I don’t believe it, and at times I can’t believe how real they are. The past 4 or 5 years my dreams have been a future telling of events. Real events of my life.

I had two horrible dreams in my life. One dream I remember with complete accuracy from six years ago. I dreamt that my teeth are falling and I just watched it fall and did nothing about it. I then looked at them and there were 4 of them. It was a bad omen and cause of that dream, I had 4 years of awful luck and life that I became utterly depressed and even suicidal at times.

My other dream, I can’t remember it for the life of me. However, I woke up in shock, my heart was beating real fast, and I couldn’t breath.  I spent 15 minutes trying to regain my breath first and to normalize my heart beats. What did I dream? No clue. Maybe it is better that way, however, it is what I fear most of my life. Waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to breath. Or not waking up in time to catch my breath.

We all know that dreams are temporary death of our bodies. However, this unconsciousness scares me. You can say I have a phobia from sleeping, although I love sleep. It rejuvinates my brain, my stress of life, but to be scared to go to bed? Only I would suffer from such things!

So last night, awake fully at 3 am. It was like I planned to wake up at that time or something. So I looked at my alarm clock and just tried to close my eyes. Nothing. I sat on the computer for a bit and thought maybe that my eyes are trying too hard to read the text that it will become droopy and lazy again and want sleep. Nop. I was fully awake.

I sat back to sleep then my mom came in my room at 5 am to tell me to eat sohour (breakfast). I washed my face first than went to eat a cheese sandwich. I hoped to go back to sleep for an hour, but nothing. So I sat playing games on the internet for an hour. Went to bed at 6 am. I felt dizzy and tired, and bam. I fell asleep, yet my brain was too active to sleep so I woke up in shock and it was only 6:30 am. So I got up and fell on the floor because my head was hurting too much. I got up and told my self, “no, not today. I have so much work and little time to accomplish it!!”

I got to work very stressed out, but was too angry and headachy that I wanted to do something productive. I wanted to keep my brain active or I would have seriously passed out. I wish I was able to drink coffee.. but no can do. No can do.

Aah, so I spent the rest of the day like this. Trying to keep my self awake and joking around and talking. It was the only way.

I wish I can just sleep tonight and just spend tomorrow doing my other work. Aaakh.. I want sleep so bad.

Blah Blah, Whatever!