As I am sitting here at work trying to put all my thoughts together, the appointment with the psychologist has put me in a horrible mood. I hate it when people tell me what’s wrong with me when I know what’s wrong. She said, “you are living in denial, and can’t express your self in any form but anger.” Great! Such a splendid thing to hear in the morning. Someone telling me what I already know. The worst part is, as I got to work, my co-workers are just watching shows or whatever on their computer. I can’t see their screens, but with their huge headphones and their hysterical laughs, it makes me wonder why should I put any effort into working anymore.
The psychologist said, “your problem is not work and people around you, it is how you react to the indifference.”
I just sat there thinking, we are all different, and people are the ones that don’t accept me as being different.
She then said, “the way you express your self is not healthy and will cause long term emotional damage which seems to have started and you are not willing to try and take another path.”
I said, “I can’t do it. I think my problem is I cannot and not willing to accept anything different than what I believe.”
She said, “you need to convince your self that life is full of changes and you have to go along with it.”
I said, “fine.. what am I supposed to do now? Change my whole belief system?”
She said, “no, you cannot change that, but you can try and listen to what others are saying and what they are doing and try to slowly understand and accept circumstances beyond your control. It is a slow change, but we cannot keep thinking and living in the past.”
I said, “I don’t think I am living in the past, but the past keeps haunting me.”
She said, “nothing is haunting you. You are just not accepting the current situations in your life.”
I said, “I guess not.”
She said, “you need to think positively and not let others’ behavior and words get to you. You are suffering from denial.”
She then talked of other methods and self help tips and I was totally ignoring her and didn’t care anymore.
I had to make another appointment and visit her in a month to see how my behavior has changed.
Now I have a huge headache..