A lot of people wanted to start having serious group discussions with me and want to tell me their opinions and make me listen to them.. so I will! Here is an interesting topic that I am curious to know more about:

For guys, “what is a very obscure (odd) characteristic do you like in a girl that makes you become more attracted to her.” Same goes for the gals out there, “what is a very obscure characteristic do you like in a guy?” Be honest and explain to me, don’t just say it. We want to know why and have a nice discussion about the oddity!

Funny, Random Thoughts

Oh my lord! Dear Lord! Our one and only savior! I finally found the light. Thank you Lord for showing me the light! I finally know how it feels to be the celebrity I was meant to be! I always knew you had a special place for me in this internet world to be hated and loved equally. Thank you Lord for the balance and the equality! You are surely the one and only Lord with all the power! Thank you God! Amen to that. Hallelujah! May the Lord guide me into the star lights of internet fame. I finally know how it feels to be hated and rumors spreading around using my name. Oh the lord has finally showed me the light into the heart of people who love to hate me. To put words into my mouth and comment under my name for their enjoyment. What fools you are and those who believe you! Oh Lord may he bless you haters for increasing my fan base. Let there be haters oh Lord as much as there are lovers. Hallelujah! Amen to that! Let there be equal joy and prosperity to all of God’s creatures! The spot light is so much to bare. I can’t handle the fame. I think I am becoming, oh Lord, don’t let me say, POPULAR! I am getting blinded by the light of the fame. Hallelujah ma brothers and ma sisters. Amen!

I now know how Britney Spears feels.

I now know how Paris Hilton feels.

I now know how Lindsey Lohan feels.

I now know how Hillary Clinton feels

I now know how George W. Bush feels

Let the lord bless you haters for spreading the name of my site. Your breathtaking sites filled with great words of wisdom is not just funny and entertaining, it fucking increased my web hits by 500%! May the lord bless your hateful hearts towards me and let the Rebellion begin!

The Rebellion has begun my Lord! It finally begun!

Amen! Hallelujah! I saw the light. Thank you Lord!

Let the lord continue his blessing amongst you haters and my POPULARITY to boost!

I love you all! I FUCKING love you all!

I will not post the links of those low lives. I will just sit back and enjoy the hate and the web site hits!

PS. With this prayer you have read with me, we need to take a moment of silence to thank the Lord for this blessing. Amen!

Re-Read the prayer 10 times, and your popularity will also boost. Thank the lord for all his blessings. Amen!

Blah Blah, Funny, Random Thoughts, They said what?, Tweets

My mom’s friend is here from Lebanon. She knows my relatives and just came last week. So she is here, and I went to say Marhaba (hello). She looked at me said said,

“Yikhzy el 3een.. shaklek wallah la falastenyeh wala libnayeh” (Oh my lord, you don’t even look Palestenian or Lebanese).

I smiled and said, “tayeb.. lakan shu shakly?” (Ok, so what do I look like?)

She said, “Wallahi, shaklek zay hadool men america el lateneyeh.” (I swear you look like those Latin Americans)

My mom agreed.

Then the lady said, “la2.. shaklek men heek balad.. zay el mosalsalat el ajaneb ely benshoofen 3al tv.” (No, you look like you are from those countries, like those foreign ones on shows we watch on tv. )

I said, “shakley mexikeyeh maheek?” (I look Mexican right?)

She said, “Eeh wallah.. sa7! Shaklek akinnik men hadool el mosalsalat.” (Yes, you look exactly like those girls from the shows.)

She then said, “kunty atwal akher marrah shoftek feeha.” (You were taller last time I saw you)

I said, “kunet labseh ka3eb.” (I was wearing heels)

She laughed and said, “esmallah, ma inty el taweely be 3eelitko men el banat.” (God bless you, you are the only tall girl in your family.)

So I don’t look like an Arab and Mexico is not a Latin country? I think I need to re-educate my self in geography.. WHATEVER!

Blah Blah, They said what?

As I am sitting here at work trying to put all my thoughts together, the appointment with the psychologist has put me in a horrible mood. I hate it when people tell me what’s wrong with me when I know what’s wrong. She said, “you are living in denial, and can’t express your self in any form but anger.” Great! Such a splendid thing to hear in the morning. Someone telling me what I already know. The worst part is, as I got to work, my co-workers are just watching shows or whatever on their computer. I can’t see their screens, but with their huge headphones and their hysterical laughs, it makes me wonder why should I put any effort into working anymore.

The psychologist said, “your problem is not work and people around you, it is how you react to the indifference.”

I just sat there thinking, we are all different, and people are the ones that don’t accept me as being different.

She then said, “the way you express your self is not healthy and will cause long term emotional damage which seems to have started and you are not willing to try and take another path.”

I said, “I can’t do it. I think my problem is I cannot and not willing to accept anything different than what I believe.”

She said, “you need to convince your self that life is full of changes and you have to go along with it.”

I said, “fine.. what am I supposed to do now? Change my whole belief system?”

She said, “no, you cannot change that, but you can try and listen to what others are saying and what they are doing and try to slowly understand and accept circumstances beyond your control. It is a slow change, but we cannot keep thinking and living in the past.”

I said, “I don’t think I am living in the past, but the past keeps haunting me.”

She said, “nothing is haunting you. You are just not accepting the current situations in your life.”

I said, “I guess not.”

She said, “you need to think positively and not let others’ behavior and words get to you. You are suffering from denial.”

She then talked of other methods and self help tips and I was totally ignoring her and didn’t care anymore.

I had to make another appointment and visit her in a month to see how my behavior has changed.

Now I have a huge headache..

Ranting as usual!, They said what?

I don’t know why I am still awake. It’s almost 4 am and the thoughts of sleeping have escaped me long ago. I guess when you sit all night trying to put together everything into perspective, you then realize how insignificant of tiny beings we really are. I guess the depression and bi-polar thoughts and actions have kicked in. I will have to endure today the sadness of sitting down with a psychologist/councelour at a student development center (I can’t afford a real psychologist) to tell me what I already know about my self.

I know that I suffer from sadness, loneliness, mood swings, irritability, anger, and just hopelessness. I guess the fear of knowing what you really are is someone else telling it to your face.

Who can really help me? I can’t even help my self.

I found writing as my last resort and as a way to speak out, but even then I am ridiculed and made fun of constantly. No one takes me seriously and I am just a no body.

In reality, I am just a sad person who spends most of her time suffering from sleepless nights and crying.

Has anyone ever cried for no reason?

The past year has been so horrible. I feel that I am hated by everyone, and no one ever loves me, or takes me seriously. I am just no one. No one at all. I feel like someone hit me really hard and just told me to shut up and never be happy again.

My biggest problem is that I don’t like change. I was happier in my own little comfort zone. The zone where no one was allowed to change anything unless I said so. I cannot let go of what I love. I feel happier knowing things are just the way they are supposed to be. We always have this hope that what we love and feel secure with will never leave us. Our surroundings will never change, and what we want to plan for in the future is always what we hope for.

I don’t know how I became this utterly depressed person. I suffered off and on from depression since I was 19, but never to this extent that it controls me completely. Things around me changed so much the past year that I no longer can find any joy, or purpose of me. I really don’t know how to be happy anymore and I just get angry and sad all at once. I feel everything was broken to a million pieces that nothing will glue it back again.

I also became fearful of confrontations and would rather just be left alone and no one to talk or criticize or say anything to me anymore. I just want to be left alone. Just be left alone forever.

Random Thoughts