The white won’t go away
No matter how much I dye my hair, the white will always show. It won’t go away. It is a permanent sign of age, stress, and life’s curse towards me. I guess I am saying all these words out of pure defeat. Life defeated me. I don’t want to say I hate my life, I said that enough in the past. I just gave up. I just can’t stand anything anymore. I left work this morning because I can’t stand it anymore. I can’t stand seeing in my email various resumes of other people who I know are better than me doing the work that I was hired to do. It hurts. It really does. The only reason that I am stuck and wanted at this job because I seem to have this curse called graphical talent. I don’t have a talent. I just try my best to do whatever job I am given so I can get paid and pay off my loans! It’s enough I put up with this job with no benefits, nothing. Just a stupid contract I have to renew every year. I am a programmer. That’s it. Why aren’t I ever recognized as a GIRL WITH A COMPUTER SCIENCE DEGREE WHO CAN FUCKEN PROGRAM and ACTUALLY HAS SOME CREATIVITY!?
I have a Bachelors Degree of Science in fucken Computer Science. I was educated to become a good programmer. I wasted over 35,000 dollars so I can be one and I am still paying for it. I know stupid powerful languages such as Java, C, C++ and I am actually GOOD at them. And with a University education, I can actually program well unlike those with college diplomas! Of all three, I am the best in the C language. I didn’t go to University to become a graphics designer. If I wanted to then I would have not dropped Art class in grade 11 when the stupid gay teacher said that I will never receive high marks because I came from the US. Although I showed him a portfolio of my work and awards from the US. He purposely kept giving me 50’s and even failing me because he hated my guts and couldn’t believe that a 16 year old can do half the crap that I did. (I haven’t painted or made any sculptures in 10 years!)
Now, the same scenario again. After 10 years. 10 fucken years and I am treated the same way. People in upper management don’t really give a crap in what I do. The moment they are not satisfied with my work, they go fucken put a logo contest or hire another company to do the work. This is what happens when there is a rapid change in management. People act stupid and want to satisfy their superiors by wasting money to hire professional well known companies to do the work. What do I get in the end? Wasted hours of trying to do something nice for them for free, and a slap in the face. It’s like I am nothing. Just a worthless pawn to them that they can do whatever they want. (That’s why I said I wanted to be a manager and it’s the only thing I know I will be good at. I can’t stand being a pawn in this stupid game!)
So I left work this morning with my laptop. I took it so I can do some work outside where there is a window so I can see nature since I am stuck 8 hours a day in a dungeon. Actually, I left because I wanted to sit alone and cry my eyes out. (I am still crying till now.) Oh how much I hate my life, hate my work, and I can’t do anything about either of them.
Anyways, anyone out there interested in hiring a minority programmer? Being an Arab and a girl is a double bonus for your company. I have a computer science degree. I am good at programming, I make kick ass GUIS, and I am great at project management. I got over 5.5 years of experience and I am cursed with a graphical talent. So it could be a double bonus for your company too to hire a minority with multi-skills!
If anyone is really interested in the London area, give me a shout and I will send you my resume. I am not really as bad as my blog seem to be. I am just an emotional girl. Just like any other girl with life’s daily problems. It’s inevitable. However, from my writing style and expressions you can see that I am great in writing English! And no, I don’t have an accent! I am pure English speaking and I spoke it all my life and went to private school when I was younger to learn it. However, I will be picky about salary. I got too many years of putting up with crap that I should be paid well with benefits to shut me up and give me the incentive to do kick ass work! I am a good worker who is actually worth the money. Really.. no joke.
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Wale! why do you feel threatened!? You know this is rezq – it’s in allah’s hands ok! Never think any human would take your place *slap* 7mara! WHY think that way dimwit! especially when you know what you are capable of! Just take a break & look for something else girl, something that challanges you instead of this place that makes you all gloomy!
As for the hair, show me! I can’t believe it!
lol.. I will show you on webcam later.. right now.. not in the mood.. wallah I feel so sick.. my heart is just racing and I feel so sad.
Yes someone please contact mona and get her a better job!!!
As for the white, that’s actually genetic, there’s a genetic predisposition, I can thank my masters in genetics for that piece of knowledge
As for 35,0000, My education so far cost about 3-4 times that much and unlike you I’m actually NOT working
See, it could be worse!
hi asoom.. I know what you mean.. but once you finish school, people will hire you and respect you for your education. I graduated and nothing.. same old me before and after.
In Canada, you technically get paid to do your masters and phd with various graduate scholarships.. you should move to Canada!
I would love to see you display some of your graphic talents here regarding various themes.
Mona, it’s like that for the phd, but not the masters. Actually the masters wasn’t too expensive, it was really the undergrad!
I feel for ya. Management can be annoying at times.
With your education and talents you should be able to get a job nearly anywhere you want Miss Mona. No matter how bad it feels…you have to remember that change is the only constant in the universe. Things will get better..