As I was sitting there all day at work doing a half ass job. (lack of motivation).. you know.. one of those days. I started thinking about what I really want in life. I guess when you are at an all time low and unmotivated to do anything productive, then all you can do is wait for the light.

What light you may ask? Well, as I was walking in this horribly cold weather, I realized that fall is here. The leaves are turning yellowish/orange and everything is whithering slowly. But everything comes back right? Whatever goes down, goes back up. Right?

So what am feeling right now? I feel a bit lost and confused, but in a good way. I can’t really have a master plan now for life. I need to brake it up to many pieces first before going on to the next step.

What are those steps? I need to slice it down first in my head before I write it out.

All I am thinking right now is that I am hungry, cold, tired, and wanting fudge so badly. I bought fudge yesterday from the grocery store but I hid it.  :lol: I had to. I needed to hide my statch of substances!  Hehehe.. Also, this girl sitting next to me now just mentioned sushi.. and I want sushi too. Damn.. I want so many things as I am speaking. But they are all food related. I love food. Why can’t food just taste bad? Especially fudge. Can’t they just be bad? Just for a day?

Oh god I am getting hungry writing this. Maybe I will write another post later tonight when I am not hungry. Maybe then I will have a plan.

Blah Blah, Funny, Random Thoughts

I was thinking about my name. Mona.. what it means.. and do I actually like my name? Does my name effect who I am? I always liked my name for several reasons. It is easy to say, an international name, and has a simple meaning in Arabic. It means a wish or desire. However, a lot of times I don’t like my name and I don’t even like telling people my name.

First off, I don’t like my name because it is too famous. I don’t like my name because people in English speaking countries say it differently than the rest of the world that it lost all meaning. In English it is pronounces “mowna”, and in Arabic and other countries it is pronounced “muna.”

So what name would I have preferred?

My niece if named Malak (Angel). Who named her? Me. I named her that because I always wanted my name to be Malak instead of Mona. I really wanted that name. So I was thrilled that my niece was named that.

Now, I can’t do anything about my name. I got to live with it. Although I know that you can legally change your name. But why would I insult my parents cause of a name change?

So I always thought of my favourite names. I like the names Meriam, Noura, Layla, and Zeina. I just love those names because they actually have a good meaning. Unlike my name that means a wish or desire. What the hell am I wishing for really?

I want a new nickname. I could have easily masked my blog and used a different name than my real name Mona. But like I said, it is an easy international name. Simple. Right?

I want to be named hmm.. *thinking*

Blah Blah, Funny, Random Thoughts

I was watching a TV show and they had a clip from this song. I love it so much.. It is nice and I got it from Bakkouz a while ago.     

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

What do you think? It is really nice.. I love calm calm music.

My taste of Music

A conversation were truth just creeps out without me realizing it. Makes me wonder really how others perceive me in real life. Am I just loosing my mind at times?

(11:46 AM) [11:46:04 AM] as: mona listen hun…………wat do u have ur money saved up for? u have to ask urself…………….if this is gonna help u out, then yes its a big payment bas why not……….its something necessary….why wait 2 yrs? 2 yrs is 2 yrs of ur young life
(11:46 AM) [11:46:18 AM] Mo: heek
(11:46 AM) [11:46:24 AM] Mo: i don’t want to spend my money on it now
(11:46 AM) [11:46:29 AM] Mo: so what if i have money
(11:46 AM) [11:46:32 AM] Mo: it is savings
(11:46 AM) [11:46:38 AM] Mo: i don’t know how life will be in 10 or 20 years
(11:46 AM) [11:46:47 AM] Mo: and iam not going to be irrational about it
(11:46 AM) [11:46:56 AM] Mo: i have to put up with crap at work to earn that money
(11:52 AM) [11:52:15 AM] as: and i dotn mean to say that….
(11:52 AM) [11:52:23 AM] as: and yes in 0 or 20 yrs u might need it
(11:53 AM) [11:53:17 AM] as: bas inshaallah u r still working, ur r still healthy and in 10 yrs u will save up more money but if u need to take out 2000 now for something important for ur enjoyment of life, then why not
(11:53 AM) [11:53:46 AM] as: ya3ni wats the point of life if all someone is gonna do is not live it to the fullest they can….at the moment
(11:54 AM) [11:54:06 AM] Mo: maybe
(11:54 AM) [11:54:44 AM] as: i know ur tryin to be careful bas its ok……be really really strict with ur money for just 1 MONTH, and then ur salary for that month can go towards it…thats it just one month
(11:55 AM) [11:55:12 AM] as: anyways….
(11:55 AM) [11:55:18 AM] Mo: aah
(11:55 AM) [11:55:18 AM] as: i dont like to see u unhappy
(11:55 AM) [11:55:21 AM] Mo: heek
(11:55 AM) [11:55:32 AM] Mo: im not unhappy cause of it
(11:55 AM) [11:55:37 AM] Mo: i am unhappy cause of life
(11:55 AM) [11:55:48 AM] as: ur unhappy cos u think ur falling apart?
(11:55 AM) [11:55:51 AM] Mo: heek iam sad
(11:55 AM) [11:55:53 AM] Mo: maybe
(11:57 AM) [11:57:17 AM] as: mona ur doing like me…..please dont do that…….a lot of ppl would kill to be in ur shoes……ur educated, smart, hardworking, good job, great parents, good family, they love u, they support u, ur attractive, active, have good taste….sensible
(11:57 AM) [11:57:19 AM] as: why be sad?
(11:57 AM) [11:57:32 AM] Mo:
(11:57 AM) [11:57:36 AM] as: ur in a good place…..so wat if there is lil problems here and there
(11:57 AM) [11:57:48 AM] as: everyone has lil problems!
(11:57 AM) [11:57:58 AM] Mo: i don’t know why i am sad
(11:58 AM) [11:58:05 AM] Mo: to be honest

Blah Blah, Random Thoughts, They said what?

I was reading ChiKapaPPi’s article about girls and them proposing to a guy, since the guy is too chicken to do it. I found it quite amusing when I read it. Honestly, it would be the worst possible thing for an girl to do.

The problem with our society is the dominance of the male gender. Although, now a days, a woman is probably as tough as a man, even tougher. So taking away from a guy his most precious possessions, the ultimate male power is ridiculous. A guy till this day is as we all know is the head of the family. How can he be the head of the family if his wife is the one that proposed to him? The one that asked him to marry her because he was too chicken to do it himself. Shouldn’t a guy know when a girl likes him? Shouldn’t he be the one, who keeps bragging about his man hood, to ask a girl to marry him?

The problem with our society, if a girl asks a guy to marry him is she will be looked down upon. Society will think she is desperate for him. That it is a one sided love full of desperation. Why should a girl by the way ask a guy to marry her? Shouldn’t a guy go down on his knees and beg?

I’m sorry. I am not trying to be a feminist in any way defending women’s pride, but it is just absurd for a girl to bow down to that level.

A guy goes down on his knees, or as in our Arab culture, he goes to her family and asked for her hand, and not the other way around.

I know. I am right about this because I heard stories of Arab girls who did that. They humiliated them selves and their families to go ask a guy to marry her. I seen it happen. It is sad. But it is a sign of desperation within our society. It is a female’s way to get out of the nest forcefully in any way possible. It is sad. I saw it happen. I witnessed it happen. I suffered through it my self.

Suffered through it my self? What? Oh I probably never mentioned this. :lol:

I guess when you are desperate and want to leave your nest so badly and hate your life so much that you want to get out of it in any way possible, then you ask someone to marry you. However, that will only make the situation worse.

Was I desperate? Yes. I was tired. Alone. Sad. I am probably the ultimate person who says nonsense and asks the stupidest things. I asked him to marry me and I didn’t care if he didn’t love me. I told him I just wanted to leave the nest. I wanted to leave my family cause they were driving me insane. I hated my life and I wanted to change it so badly that I lowered my self to that level. It is pathetic. It is sad, and that’s why I think it is the worst possible thing for a girl to ever do.

So don’t do it or you will end up like me. Desperate, sad, alone and hating life.

Blah Blah, They said what?