Tame me and I will sufficate.

One thing I can’t stand in life is being tied down to anything. I want a level of freedom where I can make my own choices and I finalize my decisions and no one else can stop me. I hate also hanging at the end of the rope and not knowing if I am going to fall or climb back up. The worst feeling on this earth is being unstable and tied to this instability. I wish I could just be free and not have to worry about anything. I tried so hard the past few weeks to just hide my feelings, forget my current situation and think positive. It works for a day or two and unconditionally starts again.

My anger level has reached maximum. I cannot stand being me right now. I don’t think anyone wants to be in my situation. I have numerous times to tell my brain to shut up. Like today, who in the world sleeps at work? **raising my hand depressingly!** I can’t even look at the computer screen anymore or think to do anything productive. My level of enthusiasm to learn new things or even do anything productive has decreased so much. I feel like I am suffering from a fatal illness and I am going to die soon. I feel like who cares what I do or accomplish or learn anymore, no use. No one will care or remember me by anything I have ever accomplished in my life. I have to be useful and do something. I am just suffocating this way. No one understands how much I hate being useless. I have spent my entire life trying to accomplish something on a daily basis. Either school, clubs, or work. Now, I just don’t know what to do.

I am just going insane. I am really suffering from depression and hateful of my life. I want to do something and be something. That’s my problem. It’s my Capricorn curse! I hate being who I am sometimes because I can never control my actions at all. I can’t control anything. It drives me insane.

Enough of my rants.

So I spent all evening trying to read up on blog advertisement and joined many blog networks to promote my blog. I just got tired of having almost one particular group of audience that visit me from Arab aggregates. I don’t talk much about Arab issues and I want to communicate with so many people out there.

Also in the new year, if I didn’t go completely insane by then, I will change the blog template. Until then, I will have to figure out a new template to create from scratch. Although I love this template because I spent 3 days making it and testing it, but I got to change. Change is always good.

What else am I thinking? Hmm. I don’t know. I lost my level of concentration and thought. My brain is always in different directions and I can never focus. I don’t even know what focus is! So sad. I know. I don’t remember the last time I focused on anything. I think once I tried and I ended up with a really bad migraine. I don’t want to focus again.

End note.. this is one of my favorite songs I have ever heard in my life. So amazing. I always love listening to it. The words are amazing and make my heart melt.. lool

Blah Blah, My taste of Music, Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!