I’m mentaly tired
I have never felt so depressed in my life. I am just tired of my life. So bored. I go to work, and there is nothing to do. I spend my time looking for other jobs out there where someone can give me something to do. I just feel useless and no one wants me to do any work for them. So I left work around 2:00 pm. I just felt if I sat there anymore I would explode.
I don’t know how my co-workers get by every day. They either play games or browse the net or whatever. They don’t care. I can’t stand being in this situation where I don’t know if I will have work or not in a month. I can’t even stand not working now and getting paid to do nothing. There are no expectations at all from me. 
No body wants me.
I think there needs to be a new method in applying to work. A personality test that will determine if you actually like what you are doing and if you are willing to work. I want to work. I don’t want to be a useless human being. I got a University education for a reason and put up with a lot of crap at work for over 5 years. I know how to work with people even though most of them piss me off!
Now I feel that I all I have done and worked so hard for all these years is gone down the drain.
I am not even looking forward to my interview next week. They probably have someone else in mind and conducting interviews with potential candidates for legal human resource reasons. For a record! Stupid records! Why waste our time? Why bring our hopes up and make us suck up during interviews?
I hate someone giving me hope. I like pure factual things infront of me. Is or is not going to happen and reasons why. God, I am such a noratic person. I used to be such a day dreamer, but now, I am too realistic! I hate it! I hate being a realist. I was always an idealist.
Why did I change so much?
I used to be this quiet nice person who didn’t need much or want much from life. However, I grew up! I want more because I deserve more! I deserve too many things because I have the drive to want it.
Why do I keep blogging about everything that is on my mind? It’s like I have this audience and they are expecting some daily news from me. My life sucks! What’s so interesting about it? My blog has turned to any other blog. A diary of thoughts. My blog was a place where I can rebel from life. Am I rebelling or just purely complaining about reality? I want to be in control! I lost control. Now I am just useless and no one wants me. Meh!
I decided to make dinner, and I wanted to go all exotic. I love oriental food because of all the spices and great taste. I was looking up recipes of onion bahji’s, one of my favorite appetizers. I am a sucker when I go to Indian restaurants and I always want to get me some of those things. They are so addictive! It’s unbelievable. As I was browsing the net for recipes, I found a lot of videos as well of how to make those little suckers. I also found some interesting ones where potatoes are used. So I came up with a little nice mixture for the batter, and spiced it up more. I didn’t want to add cilantros or parsley. Too much work and I am lazy! I really hate chopping stuff. Onions were worst! I have super sensitive eyes when it comes to onions. So I remembered once that I read that chewing gum and chopping onions will not make you tear. AND IT WORKED! Wohoo. I chewed gum and diced those onions and I did not cry! GENIUS!
