Today marked the beginning of incredibly unbelievable times. A shocking time. A time where I have never ever experienced joy and utter laughter in my life. I felt like I have finally accomplished something. Someone out there is realizing that I HAVE accomplished SOMETHING. I am actually GOOD at something! I finally realized that I may have a PURPOSE in life. Someone might actually recognize me for something! Yesterday, I was thrilled for two reasons:

1. I got a phone call from a department on campus for a job position that I didn’t even remember I applied to! I then discovered I applied for it about 3 weeks ago when I suffered from manic insanity depression mood. If you were keeping up you would remember what happened. Anywho… it is a technology teaching job and designer! In that sense.. more details later. I thank Sapphire who actually mentioned the idea that I would be a good teacher a couple of days ago in the comments for my post post about work. It’s funny how you guys can actually analyze my writing and behaviour and come up with such judgments. It seems to be true!

2. I went shopping yesterday and spent all night dancing!!

However, today was more exciting and sad.

1. I got a call back with exact interview time for that job (in two weeks) and there will be a panel of 5 people interviewing me. 3 professors, 1 manager, and 1 human resource lady. Wow. I was like FUCK! SCARY!

2. I began implementation and setup of my mini-business I am doing. Just a little bit more tweaks and I will be launching soon by early next week. I need a marketing plan implemented on the weekend. I am spending a lot so I can make A LOT!

3. Around 2 pm today, which was the same exact time the human resource lady called yesterday, (it seems to be their time to call people), another human resource lady called. The one in charge of the entire friggen University! I was dumbfounded! I kept thinking in the back of my head of what the hell did I apply for that the official University human resource lady is calling me for!

She said, “you available next week?”

I said, “sure..”

She said, “how about Wednesday.”

I said, “ok, no problem.”

She said, “I will e-mail you right now the full job description to review and please bring with you all your references.”

I said, “OK!”

She emailed me the official job description. A SEVEN page document. Then I read the title of the job position, and I said, “WHAT THE !!!!!” God just decided to send some angels my way. All that desperate prayer and depression has gotten God sympathizing with me so badly! Were you people praying for me too? Seriously! I LOVE YOU ALL!

Last Friday when I heard the news that our work will not be funded anymore, and going through an appeal process and next year will be ever so gloomy job wise if things are not going to go positively, a shining light hit my way. Friday night, when I was sad, crying, depressed, unsure of what I should do and what the future holds, I applied for a job position that was just posted the day before. (I apply internally on Campus since I work there and it is easier to do so.) The job is for a main programming job for the second or third busiest sites on Campus. A really important University job. I was like, whatever, I will apply for anything. I am desperate and I am scared.

Tuesday morning, I looked at the job postings with my co-workers, and it was gone. Job postings are held for at least a week on the system then taken off every Thursday afternoon. I was like huh, this is weird. Oh well. They probably took it off cause they found someone really fast. It is like a standard I have seen that jobs are placed at least a week on the system. From Thursday to Thursday minimum. So I was a little shocked and I was like, what the hell, who cares. I wouldn’t even be recognized for it.

BUT, I WAS! I WAS! *JUMPING HYSTERICALLY UP AND DOWN* I was called in for the interview for THAT position! I was more in shock today than I was yesterday! The interview for the first job is not for another 2 weeks, but seriously, what the heck!! I am speechless. I am so happy only because I was JUST considered. At this point I don’t even care if I get the job or not. I was RECOGNIZED. That’s all I care about. To be recognized for achievements so I know that I have done something in my life and others want me!

However…

4. I am sad because I don’t want either jobs. I really don’t. I want to stay at my current job. I have sincere emotional attachment to that place. I put up with it so much through bad and good times. I can’t imagine going off to work at the University and not going to that exact same place anymore. To not see my boss anymore and just thinking how much he had to put up with me for 5.5 years and didn’t fire my whining ass till now. It makes me sick just thinking about it. I shut my brain today. After all this excitement I have convinced my self to not think anymore. No more thinking about tomorrow. I am going to take things one step at a time and no more thinking.

Everything happens for a reason.. and I am just going to follow whatever I was meant to do in this life, just one step at a time.

This is currently my favorite song because this is how I am feeling right now. This is just the way I are! Do you also like me the way I are??

“The Way I Are” by Timbaland!

Blah Blah, Random Thoughts, They said what?

I decided to start another hobby of taking random pictures of anything. However, this afternoon as I left work I got so excited about something, I will talk about it later, and I decided to go shopping as well. When I am happy, I buy stuff! Hopefully, when I am going to be really happy if my plan A succeeds, since my plan B is slowly being implemented, however plan A is the ultimate plan that will end all plans, then I will treat everyone with something good! I even took pics of the future treatment! lol

Yep, you guessed it. It is candy, fun, and gifts. I am so dorky and high at the moment, it isn’t even funny how crazy I am. I always wondered if I was to ever be a drunk, how would I really act? So I lost the few depression brain cells that were clouding over the other fun me brain cells, and I am super excited and energetic. I also just came from the gym and showered and ate dinner, and I since I used up all my energy, I am feeling sleepy! Zzz..

This is me at work. I have an Acer laptop and a flat screen. What am I doing? I was reading instructions on how to use a camera I bought two months ago. :lol: This is proof that I haven’t been doing shit at work. I am currently on vacation. I am making up 5 years of barely taking any type of vacation, and spending it at work doing nothing. I know, I could be gone somewhere nice and hot, but not in the mood. Now you can really see that I haven’t been doing anything productive. I feel bad, guilty, but I can’t convince my self or have any motivation to do anything anymore.

Santa is coming. He is setting up his station at the mall. All those boxes, are they filled with CANDY?

Nop, candy store is there, that’s where he stocks up!

I don’t like wearing socks at  home, and since we have wood floors and barely any carpet pieces, I decided to buy this fluffy pajama boot that keeps my feet extra warm.

And here I am wearing it. Sorry the flash was so F-ing BRIGHT!

Blah Blah, Funny

I will talk about it later.. but I wanted to start a new beginning with a cheesy but fun song from the 80’s! I am so old school! I should post a Madonna song too! I am just so EXCITED for something that hasn’t even happened yet, but I need a confidence booster and HIGH HIGH HOPES!!! EVERYONE SING WITH ME! LEARN TO EXPRESS YOUR SELF JUST LIKE ME!!!

Funny, My taste of Music

Or maybe not. Lately, at work I have not been doing anything. I haven’t for a while, and hearing last Friday’s news that all of us will no longer have jobs early next year is really sad. About 600 – 800 people. At times I think that maybe it is good to end things. To look forward for a change. I knew working for universities and grant funded organizations will not last forever. I do like a job that I love to last forever, wouldn’t we all? So, the enthusiasm at work has been really low. I never seen this many people depressed in my life. I look and wonder, wow, this is how depressed people look like. Wow.

Once you had that feeling, and seeing someone else having that feeling, it makes you wonder why life really sucks. I am not sad because of my situation. I rather be off work, I have an excuse for a nice little 2 or 3 months vacation. I just feel really sad for other people. At the same time, I will not miss the salary. I could care less about money at the moment. I will in a year or two, but not anytime soon. I planned and planned for all this. I promised my self that I will never ever be broke ever in my life. I saw what it did to other people, and I never plan to ever be in that situation again. One thing I am good at is planning for the worse case scenario.

So what is my best case scenario. No clue. I guess I want to be a millionaire and retire by 35! Don’t we all? :lol:

I guess my dream is to be a manager and lead people to contribute something positive to our world. I guess I like the satisfaction in helping others. I like it. I got used to it and I think it is a good life objective to have. I guess I am more humanitarian in my way of leading my life. I like helping others to get them to do something great!

Wow, I am being dorky today. :lol:

Aah… I guess I was thinking about this for a while of what I would really miss about my work for the past 5.5 years. Jeez. I don’t know where to begin. When you spend the age of 21- almost 27 in one place at the prime of your young adulthood you would remember so much fun times. I guess once you realize that you have to move on to bigger and better things, then you finally know that it is time to grow up and do something big and exciting in your life.

I like being young, and enjoying my 20’s. I enjoy it more with other fun people as well.

The past 3 days had made me feel closer to people at my work. Is it because we all share the same feelings now? A feeling of depression, denial, and realizing how life sucks. At this rate, I will not have to go to a psychologist anymore. I seem to be experiencing the same feelings as most of the people I know. :lol: Oh Lord! I am seriously living in denial.

I hope really for the best. I do pray to keep this job, although it drove me nuts most of the time, and things will hopefully change and we can stay to do better and greater things. I have plans, and I want the drive again to do something about it. Right now, I am at an all time low. No motivation. No caring about anything. I am just so mellow and light headed all the time. I don’t even eat out and I want to have a chicken burger and sushi so bad! **drooling for Crispy Salmon Sushi** All I buy is coffee. Boring! I am just getting food from home and barely eating once I get home. I am saving the money to start my business. The food I eat out = the money I could spend starting a small business.

I am just at an all time depression mood. Facing the reality of my current situation is really hard. Very hard. All my life I felt rejection and unloved, and now, soon, no job! Maybe it is a sign that I need to change my life completely. All that complaining I have been doing is nothing really. Reality is what I have to really complain about.

Reality SUCKS!

Blah Blah, Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!

It’s almost 5 am and I am fully awake and having a great time laughing. Seriously, I have never laughed this much in a long time. I am laughing because as I browse around other blogs, I just keep reading silliness and people spending too much time and effort talking about something that is not that important for the real world to bother with. They keep justifying a point that no one really cares about. How can you get hurt from a bunch of people’s words from the INTERNET? Waste of time. Yet, the issue keeps being emphasized over and over like people care!

Let me explain a few things:

- The problem and the pictures were posted last week, yet I didn’t say or comment about it or brought up the issue at all. Other people did, and I just ignored it and I am requesting higher authority to deal with the problem, and no one else.

- There is a difference between written words and personal pictures.

- I tried to be sarcastic about the problem last week, but people thought I was egotistical and full of it. Hmm.. Ok.. You are weird for reading THAT much into it.

- You can quote me, say whatever you want, post conversations of direct quotes from my site that you don’t like, and judge me from what I said or what I have done, and I am more willing to refute that and talk about it. I can post whatever I please on my site that is not photo related. Factual words to be exact and direct quotes that I feel like discussing and representing to the world.

- Banning people from my site from my hosting service doesn’t seem to work. So I removed all the bans and I am going to let people argue with me (again) so we can solve this problem but I let referral ban stay for fun, because I want to know what is going on. I am not ignoring this problem 100%. It seems people just want to come and see what I will say and want to argue about this problem. So fine, I am open to discussion that I feel is appropriate and I will still allow my spam tool to do its job when I feel like it.

Remember, this is my site, and I pay for it monthly as an entertainment tool, a hobby, and not a place to spread out hate. Hate = waste of money.

Oh, before you go any further, go check out my favorite blogger’s post, and 2 out of 3 people I chose are Jordanian. If nationality was your main concern, then I am addressing it now. Honestly, I judge people from what they are, and not where they are from. Nationality was the last thing on my mind.

Also, in the past there were tens of blogs that posted crap about Palestinians when Iraqi president Saddam Hussein was executed. The blogsphere was in heat, and what did I do? Nothing. I just addressed the issue that people have way too much time to attack one another, and the real problem is not even being addressed. So, I don’t go around ever on other people’s blogs to say anything negative. I never did and I never will. I just ignore and not associate my self with people with narrow brains. Blogging is for fun, and not a headache carrier. There are more important things we worry about every day than a bunch of barely potty trained children.

Let me explain a few more things.

- I only post emails or quote people when I feel they are not being polite about what they have said and go around saying crap about me. You have a reputation to protect; so do I my little friend.

- Give me a reason to allow personal insults to stay on my site? Would you allow it? Does it make you feel important that people you don’t know are posting SOMETHING on your site? OH MY GOD.. someone wrote something, and who cares what it says. I will keep it because my comment counter increased by ONE!

- For the person who made the hate site, that’s fine. I have some idea who it could be maybe; I am not 100% sure, and no, it is not the person who everyone thinks it is and he wrote a post about it on his blog. Oh no, they hate each other, there is a proof from the past and it must be them doing it again. Why the hell would I want to start a problem again when I got sick of it and ended it last time? I know it is not him, and I never mentioned names or pointed fingers. However, there is something REALLY FISHY going on. It seems SOMEONE is backing someone else up and giving them TOO much info about me and providing pictures. There are only a limited number of people that can be accused but I refrain from pointing fingers because I don’t want to be a part of this game anymore. Let a higher authority deal with it. Someone is REALLY playing a dirty trick to start an Arab blogsphere war, and Lord behold it worked.

By the way, to you small headed people, can’t you just go and post a comment using someone else’s name? Most of you have done it before because you were too chicken to post a real comment under your name! I decided to sign into blogger from now on to post comments using my personal gmail so no ONE can steal my identity again. So anyone can track me down with a legitimate gmail account. Think you people! Use some logic for God’s sake!

Did I post a link or mentioned any person’s name at all? No. Why would I give anyone more credit than they deserve? My main problem is who gave my pictures to some silly kid who barely learned to use photoshop well, and made fun of me so badly. I don’t understand why you guys don’t think I should defend my self in any way and I am sinfully guilty. Let’s say I was guilty, who in the right mind steals people’s pictures and spends time doing a shit job in altering them and expect people to take them seriously? Who in their right minds does not understand what they have done is illegal and one of the biggest law suits site owners can face. You want to spread the hate then go ahead. All I can say, two wrongs don’t make a right. So, I am not allowed to talk or say anything on my behalf, right? WELL, QUOTE ME ON THIS, I don’t WANT ANYONE TO DEFEND ME! I know how to represent my self and I don’t want a bunch of INTERNET people to do it for me.

And for the millionth time, the post I have written about how much I hate Arabs was removed to not offend anyone. Someone is taking it to heart and is still crying about it and telling people about it. Oh no, Mona really hates Arabs, she is such a hypocrite. Waaah waah.. Mommy! Internet Mommies help me!! Dear God, it was posted online for barely an hour and I removed it because I didn’t want to offend anyone or stoop that low. It’s unbelievable the number of people who check my site constantly for new posts. Anyways, it was a moment of anger and I snapped out of it. And I apologized for the person who kept crying about it. Seriously, get over it people. I did write a few posts before of my dislike of Arab mentality, and it was just my opinion, and people TILL this day are still commenting on those posts and I let them. I didn’t delete them.

However, I will delete, and ban comments that are directly insulting me. You can judge me without thinking, it is amusing to me, but insulting me will only result in your comment being removed. If you got offended from me removing your comment because you feel that I should be insulted, then tell me. I will put it back and show everyone how hateful you are and you got nothing better to do with your time then insult people.

Plus, the person who owns that site, to be exact, has the IP address showing that he/she resides in Washington DC, USA. It’s an Arab American. I got the IP from him/her posting a silly comment on my site. Yet, now he/she hides his/her IP cause he/she realized that people are not as stupid as him/her and can track him/her down for being an idiot. Who really knows what goes on in people’s head. Yet, the stolen pictures are another problem, because I never associated or have ever known anyone from Washington DC. Also, who ever is writing those posts is seriously high on something. Jeez, I never knew a person can write a bunch of rubbish in two sentences. Even the two sentences weren’t connected together properly. If that someone is really high on something, send some of that shit my way. It seems to attract idiots, and I need to have a broader audience to refute.

Was this post enough for you guys? A good explanation or you need more? Or should I start being sarcastic because I was being serious if you haven’t noticed.

I hope to God that some of you snap out of this and act like adults for once. Don’t let other human beings read your rubbish. You are only hurting your self, not me.

Angry, Blah Blah, They said what?, Whatever!