I think the worse feeling that I have ever felt in my life is guilt. Guilt for making someone else unhappy and sad or mad at me. It is what really makes me depressed and I really hate my life. I wish that I can just say at times sorry a 1000 times and people to actually believe me.

Random Thoughts

I was showing someone today this website (Stuff White People Like) which I found it quite humorous and I am taking a liking of it. Therefore, I added it to my list of RSS feeds. I think many visitors or some think my website is similar to that. That I take a common Arabic lifestyle situation and I critique it in a funny way. Well, I do sometimes but I get ridiculed for that and being called westernized.

So back to my main thought, I showed this website to someone who is Arab, and that person said, “haha.. Arabs complain and make fun of them selves even more. It’s probably all they do!”

I didn’t say it, it was just a random Arab who was not born or raised here and knows that. Everyone complains about their culture and society. However, if I DID than PEOPLE will THINK I AM RACIST AND WESTERNIZED and my website is just BAD. PA-LEASE!

Blah Blah, Funny, Ranting as usual!

I got this cartoon from Cagel’s site. It’s sad that this is what interests our young minds now a days. Not helping others and fixing the problems in the world, but keeping up with other’s lives and waiting for them to fail or succeed in life. It’s so alien and so strange if someone talks about helping humanity. Why help humanity? Entertainer’s personal lives are a lot more fun! BS! I hate the media and how it brain washed young people’s minds with garbage!

I refused buying a magazine about celebrities and junk for my sister today.

She begged me and I said, “didn’t you get a similar magazine last week?”

She said, “but this is different, it has different stories and different pictures.”

I said, “what? I will only buy you books, but garbage like that buy it with your own money.”

Then we got into a huge fight in the middle of the mall and she said, “why don’t you fight with me in Arabic! Why you embarrass me in English?”

I said, “it is easy for me to SPEAK English and I don’t care if I embarrass a spoiled child!” She got really mad. I didn’t care. It shut her up. I was never this obsessed with garbage.

Angry, Blah Blah, They said what?

Today I went to two seminars at the University for ethics and bullying. The first one was about ethics in general. The speaker talked mostly about the way children are taught and how they behave as they grow up. To understand the problem of adults is to see how children are raised in this society we live in. As adults in the work place we have to understand that no one is the same and we have to learn to accept one another and ethicaly speak to one another. We are all human beings and we should not call each other any name that degrades us as human beings. That person is no longer a human being, but an “it.” Just an object that is beneath our feet if we use derogatory name calling such as labeling them as vermons, bitches, cockroaches, or weasels. They are no longer human beings if we call them that and we are labeling them as “it” and not “thou.”

Then comes the bullying. Such an interesting subject. I won’t get into detail but we all know that in a bullying situation, there is a the bully, the bullied, and the bystandard. The bystandard is the worse because they just sit there and watch. They don’t talk or involve them selves in the situation and just let the bullying happen. They just don’t care about the situation or consequences. For the bully, to deal with it is not to make them just say “sorry.” It won’t work. Just tell them to STOP IT! Don’t EVER do it again! For the work place, obviously it is a criminal offense and no one should ever tolerate such behavior. The bullied is the target and they are the ones who don’t talk. They are afraid and just tend to ignore it. Why? Because higher authority won’t really believe them and just tell them to ignore and get over it. They don’t try to help them or try to resolve it. If they do, they go to the bully and tell the bully to “apologize.” Not to end the problem completely by enforcing the bully to STOP it or else.

It is quite an interesting talk. I can’t stand listening to such a talk cause I am too emotional when it comes to bullying. I was bullied and ridiculed through out my school years. I had direct sexist comments and racist comments said to my face. All I did was go home and cry my self to sleep. Now, the same thing. Nothing changes. People will always be racist and sexist no matter where we live and no matter what we do in our life. I mean it is enough to go to work and suffer listening to people who don’t care about work and just there to get paid and have zero passion to what they do. They joke around by insulting one another and thinking that it is ok to do so. If they can take a joke and think lightly of anything said to them cause they don’t care, then everyone else should.

Ah no! First, I don’t take jokes, I was raised to not insult others, and I was bullied throughout my life that I don’t want to suffer through this at work too. I am just really at a very depressive edge in my life. I am trying so hard to just ignore people and not get involved in anything and just do what I was paid to do. It is so hard and my head aches are so bad that I don’t know how much of it I can stand. However, I am not giving up and I am still looking for a new job. I need to feel that I am worth something and I have an objective in my life. Not just to have a job and be paid, but I want to do something and make a difference using my abilities and skills. Oh well. I just have to be patient and not give up and hope to God I don’t loose all my nerves and explode one day from my built up anger.

Angry, Blah Blah, Random Thoughts, They said what?

I always wondered about this. What is worse? Being physically sick or emotionally sick?

I think emotionally is a lot worse. Physically you suffer and can be healed, but emotionally you are screwed for along time. In my case many days, months, and years.

You can tell I am unhappy and very moody. I am extremely beyond that point of unhappiness and at times I just want to scream from how angry I am. I think I am just going to quit everything and just sit and do nothing for a while. I am exhausted and tired of life. I really am and I just need peace and quiet.

Blah Blah, Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!