I think the worse feeling that I have ever felt in my life is guilt. Guilt for making someone else unhappy and sad or mad at me. It is what really makes me depressed and I really hate my life. I wish that I can just say at times sorry a 1000 times and people to actually believe me.

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I was showing someone today this website (Stuff White People Like) which I found it quite humorous and I am taking a liking of it. Therefore, I added it to my list of RSS feeds. I think many visitors or some think my website is similar to that. That I take a common Arabic lifestyle situation and I critique it in a funny way. Well, I do sometimes but I get ridiculed for that and being called westernized.

So back to my main thought, I showed this website to someone who is Arab, and that person said, “haha.. Arabs complain and make fun of them selves even more. It’s probably all they do!”

I didn’t say it, it was just a random Arab who was not born or raised here and knows that. Everyone complains about their culture and society. However, if I DID than PEOPLE will THINK I AM RACIST AND WESTERNIZED and my website is just BAD. PA-LEASE!

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I got this cartoon from Cagel’s site. It’s sad that this is what interests our young minds now a days. Not helping others and fixing the problems in the world, but keeping up with other’s lives and waiting for them to fail or succeed in life. It’s so alien and so strange if someone talks about helping humanity. Why help humanity? Entertainer’s personal lives are a lot more fun! BS! I hate the media and how it brain washed young people’s minds with garbage!

I refused buying a magazine about celebrities and junk for my sister today.

She begged me and I said, “didn’t you get a similar magazine last week?”

She said, “but this is different, it has different stories and different pictures.”

I said, “what? I will only buy you books, but garbage like that buy it with your own money.”

Then we got into a huge fight in the middle of the mall and she said, “why don’t you fight with me in Arabic! Why you embarrass me in English?”

I said, “it is easy for me to SPEAK English and I don’t care if I embarrass a spoiled child!” She got really mad. I didn’t care. It shut her up. I was never this obsessed with garbage.

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Today I went to two seminars at the University for ethics and bullying. The first one was about ethics in general. The speaker talked mostly about the way children are taught and how they behave as they grow up. To understand the problem of adults is to see how children are raised in this society we live in. As adults in the work place we have to understand that no one is the same and we have to learn to accept one another and ethicaly speak to one another. We are all human beings and we should not call each other any name that degrades us as human beings. That person is no longer a human being, but an “it.” Just an object that is beneath our feet if we use derogatory name calling such as labeling them as vermons, bitches, cockroaches, or weasels. They are no longer human beings if we call them that and we are labeling them as “it” and not “thou.”

Then comes the bullying. Such an interesting subject. I won’t get into detail but we all know that in a bullying situation, there is a the bully, the bullied, and the bystandard. The bystandard is the worse because they just sit there and watch. They don’t talk or involve them selves in the situation and just let the bullying happen. They just don’t care about the situation or consequences. For the bully, to deal with it is not to make them just say “sorry.” It won’t work. Just tell them to STOP IT! Don’t EVER do it again! For the work place, obviously it is a criminal offense and no one should ever tolerate such behavior. The bullied is the target and they are the ones who don’t talk. They are afraid and just tend to ignore it. Why? Because higher authority won’t really believe them and just tell them to ignore and get over it. They don’t try to help them or try to resolve it. If they do, they go to the bully and tell the bully to “apologize.” Not to end the problem completely by enforcing the bully to STOP it or else.

It is quite an interesting talk. I can’t stand listening to such a talk cause I am too emotional when it comes to bullying. I was bullied and ridiculed through out my school years. I had direct sexist comments and racist comments said to my face. All I did was go home and cry my self to sleep. Now, the same thing. Nothing changes. People will always be racist and sexist no matter where we live and no matter what we do in our life. I mean it is enough to go to work and suffer listening to people who don’t care about work and just there to get paid and have zero passion to what they do. They joke around by insulting one another and thinking that it is ok to do so. If they can take a joke and think lightly of anything said to them cause they don’t care, then everyone else should.

Ah no! First, I don’t take jokes, I was raised to not insult others, and I was bullied throughout my life that I don’t want to suffer through this at work too. I am just really at a very depressive edge in my life. I am trying so hard to just ignore people and not get involved in anything and just do what I was paid to do. It is so hard and my head aches are so bad that I don’t know how much of it I can stand. However, I am not giving up and I am still looking for a new job. I need to feel that I am worth something and I have an objective in my life. Not just to have a job and be paid, but I want to do something and make a difference using my abilities and skills. Oh well. I just have to be patient and not give up and hope to God I don’t loose all my nerves and explode one day from my built up anger.

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I always wondered about this. What is worse? Being physically sick or emotionally sick?

I think emotionally is a lot worse. Physically you suffer and can be healed, but emotionally you are screwed for along time. In my case many days, months, and years.

You can tell I am unhappy and very moody. I am extremely beyond that point of unhappiness and at times I just want to scream from how angry I am. I think I am just going to quit everything and just sit and do nothing for a while. I am exhausted and tired of life. I really am and I just need peace and quiet.

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It has been a few days now since we moved to our new work space at work and it has been horrible. I have actually been cringing and feeling so moody from the small space. I feel trapped. I am beyond claustrophobic and it gets to me and makes me so moody. The noise and people in such a small space is so irritating that I have suffered a severe migraine all day. I couldn’t think or problem solve anything today.

I don’t know how much of this I can stand. I am becoming the ultimate moody person and I can’t stand anything. The headaches are getting so bad. I don’t know what to do. It’s so frustrating going to work. I used to enjoy going to work, but now, I just can’t wait to leave and go home. I feel that I have earned my freedom when I leave work.

My headache won’t go away and I feel so dizzy. I think I am going to sleep and sleep for the next 14 hours.

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Let’s say we all know that life’s big lessons is dealing with people. That’s understood and well known. A lot of times I wonder why some companies ask for so many years of experience in working with or on something that doesn’t really need that much experience. It’s all about how well you work with people. People are the problem. It’s not your skills at all. I think that they look for what kind of person and how long you worked in a previous place.

To me that is pure BS. I like people to an extent and I can work with people as long as we ALL have the same objective. However, personality wise, I am not really that impressed with social people. Everyone has this major obsession when they first step foot into a new work place with these exact thoughts, “will other people like me as a friend?” Not as a co-worker, but they want friendship so badly. They find it as a safe first step. Make friends so you can act like an ass but have your clan of friends backing you up all the time.

I call it “work gangs.” I hate it, I hate it, I really hate it.

I hate the fact that if someone doesn’t make friends at work, or if certain people don’t want to be friends with them, they go crazy and all they do is talk about it. “They don’t want to be friends with me, I tried so hard to please them, but they have problems trusting me.” Ah, yah. It’s nothing personal, but having friends at work is a very bad idea. I will tell you why, and there are two reasons for that.

One: if you are friends and you end up fighting or whatever, then the great interpersonal skills have completely vanished. You took it too far to the point that you can’t even look at that person’s face or talk to them anymore. You just jeopardized your work right there!

Two: if you are friends then they know TOO much about you and you never know what they will do to you behind your back. How many things slip out of their mouths about you? It’s not true friendship believe me. I know. I really know.

I’m talking about this from experience. What have I learned? Don’t make friends at work. Be nice to people, tolerable, but to an extent. Making real friendships at work is pathetic and a waste of time. It only leads to problems and people hating you if you do something that doesn’t please them. It will make your work suffer completely.

So you really want friends? You want to make life time good friends, DON’T FIND THEM AT WORK! If all you do is wanting to hang out with your co-workers after work, or parties, or gatherings, then really you don’t focus on your work at all. Other people who hear about these events will get offended and kind of left out thinking that their co-workers may not like them at all and more hostile negativity will inevitably occur.

All I can say, don’t try too hard to make friends at work. Be friendly, nice, tolerable, social during work hours, and that’s it. That’s how you practice your interpersonal skills. That’s really what serious work places want! No one likes a joker or ass who says whatever they please thinking it is OK because co-workers should and are FRIENDS!

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Simple war defense analogy: random sticks laying around are easily broken. Put them together, tie them together, and they are not so easily broken right?

Well, to me everyone is a random stick, and I don’t give a crap because I am a solid pipe and not easily broken. I honestly don’t give a shit anymore about anyone or anything. Everyone wants to just have fun and not care anymore about what they are supposed to be doing in life, then I will just control my anger and just do what I got to do. No one is worth it and I can go to sleep at night knowing I didn’t waste my day and life being like everyone else.

What a cheap wasteful life some people live.

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Women tend to be natural jealous creatures. It’s in our blood. I don’t know why. However, there are various types of jealousy. There is extreme, moderate, and somewhat careless. I am the moderate type. I got to admit that. I do get jealous, but I do it with a good reason. I do it to either make me feel better, or to feel worse and have a reason to fight.

However, some women take it to the extreme! Too extreme that they start accusing their spouse/boyfriend and go behind their back to find the “answers” they want. They would do crazy stuff that I don’t even want to discuss. It’s not that they are just psycho, but it is all because they don’t trust their significant other.

It’s all about trust.

No trust = Jealousy = Doing psychopathic crazy stuff.

Are women the only creatures that get jealous?

NOP!

Men get so jealous to the point that they would question the girl of where, who, when and what she was doing constantly. To the point where the girl can’t stand this at all. It’s all the same. Jealousy is jealousy.

For Arabs.. jealousy is great! Arab chicks are psycho!!! Arab guys are psycho too! The jealousy bug is our blood! The reason Arabs get jealous quickly is because a lot of Arab relationships are a one time thing with no prior experiences. So they don’t know how to contain their jealousy because they never loved before. So they love someone, get married to this ONE person and that’s it. So they go through an entire relationship in such a short period of time. So all the relationship bugs must happen, and obviously one of them is JEALOUSY!

All I can say good luck to everyone. If you are an extremely jealous person, then count your days cause most people can’t stand it!

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The past week has been nutz. Since I have joined entrecard a month and a half ago, I have had crazy amount of different visitors. I love it! However, the problem is that I really want to answer every email, messages, and comments. I do read everything, and I try my best to answer as quickly as possible. So bare with me, if I didn’t answer you, it doesn’t mean I didn’t read it. I do read everything! It’s just if I step away from my computer for an hour I get swamped with emails. I love it, and at the same time I loose focus. Oh well, I need an email answering bot! That will solve my problem.

So don’t worry. I read it all! I will try to answer too. I have 20 read emails and I have answered like 5 in the past hour! I am so lazy. Sorry.

Also, I want new ideas and new suggestions from my readers. What do you want to improve with my blog? Any changes? Any additions to my blog? Different plugins maybe to enhance the site? Suggest and I will look into it. However, I am not changing the template! Not for another year! lool

I am really considering the auto bot email replier, but it won’t be personal at all, and it is a personal blog and I have to be personal.

I swear, blogging is a full time job. Answering emails and various questions takes half my day!

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