I am an RSS active reader, and I have netvibes as my custom page on my browser. I have a collection of RSS feeds from blogs that I like to read and I comment on most. I even follow bloggers who hate my guts, but I like to read their blogs. I don’t hate anyone, because how can I hate people I never met? The writing style is what attracts me to a person’s blog.
Anyways, I was reading some blogs, and I was commenting. Then my mom comes in my room and looks at what I am doing. I was obviously filling up a form to comment on someone’s blog and she says with a big grin, “Are you filling out a resume?”
I looked back at her and I said, “aah no. I am just reading sites.”
She said, “oh.. why not?”
I said, “why what?”
She said, “Why not fill out a resume and look for work?”
I said, “aah.. I am reading and watching TV. I don’t have time.”
I sat there thinking, my family has no idea that I have been looking for work or just semi-actively looking for different opportunities. They have no idea that this is my last year working at the same place I have been working for the past 5.5 years. They have no idea that I might loose my job if we don’t get any government funding at all within the next month. They have no idea about anything. Why? Because if I even talk or bring up any negative or problematic thing in my life, then they will make a big deal and sit there worrying constantly and daily and won’t stop bothering me about it. I mean, I have been going crazy and acting like a nut for the past three months. I can’t actively enjoy or do anything in my life with anyone or anything. The worry is killing me, but I don’t want to discuss it or show it. So I just isolate my self in my room and just browse the net.
It is enough I go to work and try to not think about what’s going to happen the next day or if I am still there. So having to worry someone else is not something I want to put up with.
The reason my mom keeps asking me to find another job because she knows I should be at a higher position and being a leader. She is sick of me being a programmer and wants me to dress up and be something really important. I don’t know why, but she keeps saying, “I want you to be the best because I know you can be!” In the end of the day, I think the reason I keep thinking that I should be at a higher position is because my mom keeps nagging to me about it. She is really sick of my job and wants me to do something else. She has been sick of my job for about 2 years now and has been bugging me to find another. Honestly, I have no clue what I can do. I have submitted my resume to over 30 or 40 jobs so far. Nothing.
People who suggested to help with my resume said they would, but nothing. I don’t know what to do. No one wants to help me, and no one wants to hire me. I don’t know. It is really frustrating and it has caused me to become extremely depressed and moody to the point that people can’t even stand being around me anymore. It is also causing me to not sleep at all for 2 or 3 nights in a row. I don’t know what to do anymore. At times I just feel like it is better to just be alone and to have the whole world forget I exist so I don’t have to bother with anyone or anything. Maybe I should live in an igloo up north and become a penguin’s neighbour. They won’t bug me or question what I do or if I have any skills other than hibernate in the cold!