Comments on: The Arab forbidden love http://www.rebelliousarabgirl.net/2008/02/03/the-arab-forbidden-love/ Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values Thu, 18 Mar 2010 13:41:10 -0500 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 hourly 1 By: Elaine http://www.rebelliousarabgirl.net/2008/02/03/the-arab-forbidden-love/comment-page-2/#comment-42624 Elaine Thu, 19 Feb 2009 17:35:08 +0000 http://www.rebelliousarabgirl.net/?p=1365#comment-42624 Actually, you made me feel a lot better. I live in the Middle East; had an encounter with "Ziploc" who'd spent way lots of years in London and Canada before returning to ME and parents- everything you said: the roughness, the acting like a 7 year old, totally tongue tied (still!) when I'm around, completely unused to being comfortable and relaxed around a woman (I made him laugh a lot). There was some sort of identity implosion and a couple months of frantic repentance- he's going the arranged marriage way now as an enthusiastic and obedient Muslim... I thought I was drinking bad water or something, thinking, "Did this guy know love is okay? Had he ever /been/ loved?" But reading you, I now know that smell is a midlife crisis core meltdown 10 years from now...pity, because I genuinely like him and we share many friends. Actually, you made me feel a lot better.

I live in the Middle East; had an encounter with “Ziploc” who’d spent way lots of years in London and Canada before returning to ME and parents- everything you said: the roughness, the acting like a 7 year old, totally tongue tied (still!) when I’m around, completely unused to being comfortable and relaxed around a woman (I made him laugh a lot). There was some sort of identity implosion and a couple months of frantic repentance- he’s going the arranged marriage way now as an enthusiastic and obedient Muslim…

I thought I was drinking bad water or something, thinking, “Did this guy know love is okay? Had he ever /been/ loved?” But reading you, I now know that smell is a midlife crisis core meltdown 10 years from now…pity, because I genuinely like him and we share many friends.

]]> By: nawar http://www.rebelliousarabgirl.net/2008/02/03/the-arab-forbidden-love/comment-page-2/#comment-42278 nawar Tue, 03 Feb 2009 17:12:46 +0000 http://www.rebelliousarabgirl.net/?p=1365#comment-42278 :vangry: Oooooh For Allah's sake! You know nothing about Arab Love stories.....!!!! Read Arabic literature buddy.. and see madness in Arabic Poetry... Arab are the ancestors of Love. Forbidden.. Ha. :vangry: Oooooh For Allah’s sake! You know nothing about Arab Love stories…..!!!! Read Arabic literature buddy.. and see madness in Arabic Poetry… Arab are the ancestors of Love.
Forbidden.. Ha.

]]> By: Eliazia http://www.rebelliousarabgirl.net/2008/02/03/the-arab-forbidden-love/comment-page-2/#comment-42249 Eliazia Mon, 02 Feb 2009 18:54:35 +0000 http://www.rebelliousarabgirl.net/?p=1365#comment-42249 That's not true I think I'll volunteer with a couple of stories. I'm from Dubai my sister is happily married with one annoyingly spoilt kid and she's been with her husband for 11 years, they've been married for 5. My cousin met her husband at 16 he was 18 now she's 21 and he is 23 they're getting married this summer, she met him in starbucks of all places and they've been together and in love ever since and he'd just recently went to her family to propose. Tragedies? One of my friends met his girlfriend when he was 17 now he is 23 they're both from dubai. They were head over heels in love and I can vouch for that too! One day he was at the mall waiting for her, an hour..two hours her phone was off, he called her sister she wouldnt pick up. Finally he managed to get her cousins number from one of her friends. They told him she was in the hospital, she'd gotten into an accident. By the time he'd gotten to the hospital she'd already past away. He couldnt confront her family because as you well know mona it's not appropriate. I swear to you this guy was CRAZY in a fun way! After Asma died he lost it. His sister tells me all he ever does is sit and stare at her pictures. I remember in high school we had this super hyper girl in class who hugged EVERYONE including the teachers lol. She used to annoy me..anyway.. Her boyfriends name was Jassim, and they really did love each other. One of her so called friends who'd wanted Jassim stole her (My friend Laila's)phone saying she wanted to call her mother and sent a message to Jassim pretending to be Laila telling him not to call her ever again. She edited a message on her own phone from jassim making him look like a love sick puppy that desperatley wanted her and that she was acting all righteous saying that she couldnt "Do that to laila" Anyway long story short, she'd made sure they werent talking. Anyway a while later they got back in touch and they decided to meet up to talk things over. Laila was waiting for jassim to pick her up. He didnt show up. She finally called and his phone was switched off. This was on thursday. Friday (You know how fridays are with arab family's, a sacred family gathering that included gossip gossip and more gossip) she was at her grandmothers house when she calls Jassims identical twin Mohammad (Yes he had one and they were inseparable) His phone was switched off. She called their best friend who was studying in Australia. He said he'd call her back. When he finally did hours later, he was crying. Jassim and his brother Mohammad were with their friend and they crashed into a speeding car when they got out of the car they found Jassim laying on the road a few feet away bleeding. A big part of her died that day and she never forgave herself. Now she does EVERYTHING for his brother, essays, projects, gives him money buys him presents but she told me once, Although they look absolutely alike, Mohammad isn't Jassim. She took an overdose and her parents packed her off to london and I havnt seen her since then. Excuse my spelling. xx That’s not true
I think I’ll volunteer with a couple of stories.
I’m from Dubai my sister is happily married with one annoyingly spoilt kid and she’s been with her husband for 11 years, they’ve been married for 5.
My cousin met her husband at 16 he was 18 now she’s 21 and he is 23 they’re getting married this summer, she met him in starbucks of all places and they’ve been together and in love ever since and he’d just recently went to her family to propose.
Tragedies?
One of my friends met his girlfriend when he was 17 now he is 23 they’re both from dubai. They were head over heels in love and I can vouch for that too! One day he was at the mall waiting for her, an hour..two hours her phone was off, he called her sister she wouldnt pick up. Finally he managed to get her cousins number from one of her friends. They told him she was in the hospital, she’d gotten into an accident. By the time he’d gotten to the hospital she’d already past away. He couldnt confront her family because as you well know mona it’s not appropriate. I swear to you this guy was CRAZY in a fun way! After Asma died he lost it. His sister tells me all he ever does is sit and stare at her pictures.
I remember in high school we had this super hyper girl in class who hugged EVERYONE including the teachers lol. She used to annoy me..anyway..
Her boyfriends name was Jassim, and they really did love each other. One of her so called friends who’d wanted Jassim stole her (My friend Laila’s)phone saying she wanted to call her mother and sent a message to Jassim pretending to be Laila telling him not to call her ever again. She edited a message on her own phone from jassim making him look like a love sick puppy that desperatley wanted her and that she was acting all righteous saying that she couldnt “Do that to laila” Anyway long story short, she’d made sure they werent talking. Anyway a while later they got back in touch and they decided to meet up to talk things over. Laila was waiting for jassim to pick her up. He didnt show up. She finally called and his phone was switched off. This was on thursday. Friday (You know how fridays are with arab family’s, a sacred family gathering that included gossip gossip and more gossip) she was at her grandmothers house when she calls Jassims identical twin Mohammad (Yes he had one and they were inseparable) His phone was switched off. She called their best friend who was studying in Australia. He said he’d call her back. When he finally did hours later, he was crying. Jassim and his brother Mohammad were with their friend and they crashed into a speeding car when they got out of the car they found Jassim laying on the road a few feet away bleeding. A big part of her died that day and she never forgave herself. Now she does EVERYTHING for his brother, essays, projects, gives him money buys him presents but she told me once, Although they look absolutely alike, Mohammad isn’t Jassim. She took an overdose and her parents packed her off to london and I havnt seen her since then.

Excuse my spelling.
xx

]]> By: End of that awful year | Rebellious Arab Girl http://www.rebelliousarabgirl.net/2008/02/03/the-arab-forbidden-love/comment-page-2/#comment-41320 End of that awful year | Rebellious Arab Girl Wed, 31 Dec 2008 18:16:48 +0000 http://www.rebelliousarabgirl.net/?p=1365#comment-41320 [...] The Arab forbidden love Yah.. the touchy sensitive subject about Arab [...] [...] The Arab forbidden love Yah.. the touchy sensitive subject about Arab [...]

]]> By: Nasra http://www.rebelliousarabgirl.net/2008/02/03/the-arab-forbidden-love/comment-page-2/#comment-40932 Nasra Mon, 15 Dec 2008 01:05:40 +0000 http://www.rebelliousarabgirl.net/?p=1365#comment-40932 Hey Mona and other people, this topic is very complex and from personal experience I'd like to add that parents at first react to 'protect' their children from what they see as a danger. Whether thats because they see them going against tradition or some other perceived fear. When I had introduced my husband to my parents they weren't happy,arab families are notorious for the way they treat their daughters in law (sorry for generalization) and my in-laws haven't excepted my existence. To this day his mother sends him pictures of potential brides, and his father has never spoken to me. Sometimes it hurts but most of the time I understand that its prejudism based on their idea of what I present and not of who I am, and that says more about them than about me. Hey Mona and other people, this topic is very complex and from personal experience I’d like to add that parents at first react to ‘protect’ their children from what they see as a danger.
Whether thats because they see them going against tradition or some other perceived fear.

When I had introduced my husband to my parents they weren’t happy,arab families are notorious for the way they treat their daughters in law (sorry for generalization) and my in-laws haven’t excepted my existence.
To this day his mother sends him pictures of potential brides, and his father has never spoken to me.

Sometimes it hurts but most of the time I understand that its prejudism based on their idea of what I present and not of who I am, and that says more about them than about me.

]]> By: Non-Arab Girl http://www.rebelliousarabgirl.net/2008/02/03/the-arab-forbidden-love/comment-page-2/#comment-40577 Non-Arab Girl Sun, 23 Nov 2008 20:29:19 +0000 http://www.rebelliousarabgirl.net/?p=1365#comment-40577 Thanks, i wish my muslim arab bf would read this. :D goodluck to you too! :) Thanks, i wish my muslim arab bf would read this. :D

goodluck to you too! :)

]]> By: Mona http://www.rebelliousarabgirl.net/2008/02/03/the-arab-forbidden-love/comment-page-2/#comment-40567 Mona Sun, 23 Nov 2008 14:10:51 +0000 http://www.rebelliousarabgirl.net/?p=1365#comment-40567 @Non-Arab Girl - Good luck to you! @Non-Arab Girl – Good luck to you!

]]> By: Non-Arab Girl http://www.rebelliousarabgirl.net/2008/02/03/the-arab-forbidden-love/comment-page-1/#comment-40564 Non-Arab Girl Sun, 23 Nov 2008 10:55:53 +0000 http://www.rebelliousarabgirl.net/?p=1365#comment-40564 hello mona! thanks for addressing the "issue", i like it :) i love my bf, he is an arab. i hope your article will give him the courage to tell his parents/family about me. i am hoping the same to all the arabs dating non-arabs/non-muslims. arabs wake up! =) hello mona!

thanks for addressing the “issue”, i like it :)

i love my bf, he is an arab. i hope your article will give him the courage to tell his parents/family about me.

i am hoping the same to all the arabs dating non-arabs/non-muslims.

arabs wake up! =)

]]> By: A reply to Sunshine http://www.rebelliousarabgirl.net/2008/02/03/the-arab-forbidden-love/comment-page-1/#comment-40433 A reply to Sunshine Tue, 18 Nov 2008 06:51:17 +0000 http://www.rebelliousarabgirl.net/?p=1365#comment-40433 I think your relationship issues have nothing at all to do with race / culture. NOTHING AT ALL! true as it may be that Arab men don't know how to love, the problem is really in the TYPE of man YOU PICKED. You could've gotten this BS from any man on the planet, this one just happens to be Arab. LET HIM GO...today, right now. DO IT! Go get the book, "Why Men Marry Bitches", suck it up, find your ovaries and drive on sis. If a man doesn't know he's found gold, when he sees it, HE DOESN'T DESERVE TO HAVE IT! as much as your love for him would like to CONVINCE him that he does. men like this think of women as OPTIONS. they are confused by the teaching that it is acceptable and expected that they will HAVE lots of options. they feel it is their birthright since they ended up with a penis, instead of a vagina and all the prophets (pbut) did it and said its ok. this is the reason they have no conscience about it. I think your relationship issues have nothing at all to do with race / culture. NOTHING AT ALL! true as it may be that Arab men don’t know how to love, the problem is really in the TYPE of man YOU PICKED. You could’ve gotten this BS from any man on the planet, this one just happens to be Arab. LET HIM GO…today, right now. DO IT!
Go get the book, “Why Men Marry Bitches”, suck it up, find your ovaries and drive on sis. If a man doesn’t know he’s found gold, when he sees it, HE DOESN’T DESERVE TO HAVE IT! as much as your love for him would like to CONVINCE him that he does. men like this think of women as OPTIONS. they are confused by the teaching that it is acceptable and expected that they will HAVE lots of options. they feel it is their birthright since they ended up with a penis, instead of a vagina and all the prophets (pbut) did it and said its ok. this is the reason they have no conscience about it.

]]> By: Tammy http://www.rebelliousarabgirl.net/2008/02/03/the-arab-forbidden-love/comment-page-1/#comment-40432 Tammy Tue, 18 Nov 2008 06:38:44 +0000 http://www.rebelliousarabgirl.net/?p=1365#comment-40432 Great article as I happen to be in this very predicament right now. Actually, its been ongoing since March 2008 when his father said no. I have children already (who are 15 & 17), he is Moroccan, I am Caucasian-American, and let me see... what was the 3rd reason??? Oh yeah, I'm 4 years older. (me 34 & him 30) I'm sure 4 years younger wouldn't be a problem. I have gone through tremendous efforts to make this relationship work. I flew to Morocco to stay with him and his family for a week and I was his first and only sexual experience. Then, I left everything behind in the US, my kids, my home, my job, my pets. (thank god for supportive family) I converted to Islam, not just for him, but because it makes more sense than Christianity and I know it is crucial for two people to share the same beliefs. I moved here to the so-called muslim country at his request. But, the topic of our future is too much pressure for him. Our relationship has finally ended 10 days ago with these words... "Family is against that marriage, Should we ignore them and do what you want?" We spoke a little here and there, but basically I am now ignoring him and moving on with my life. I know he still loves me because it shows and even still, I only see the positives for why we are good together. but this pressure to chose and go against his father's opinion (which isn't even an islamic one) is too much for him. his respect for his parents is part of the reason i love him, because I have seen his tears, and have felt his pain about this. but he is torn, so here we are. so, I am still here in the UAE, living and working and wondering what the hell am I doing here!? Although I promised my love I would not write his father again, I did. I am very real with his father. Real and respectful. I pleaded with him to give his son the opportunity for a better life, as life here in the UAE is hard for non-natives. I also asked him to keep my letter between me, him and Allah and so far he has. I asked him to just go to his son and give him his support for the decision he wants for his life. Maybe he's hoping that his non-response will be the solution to our break-up, but his family did not know i was living here. my love will go vacation with his family in about 2 weeks and I have nothing to lose. Without his father's approval (his mother and other family likes me and approves by the way) anyway, without the chief's approval, its the end, so I have nothing to lose by writing him. The funny thing about discriminating people is that THEY PRODUCE THE VERY RESULTS THAT THEY BASE THEIR CLAIMS ON!!! My love and I have been together almost 1 year and our struggles have not been due to age difference, race/culture, or my kids. The sole source of our problem is his father's opinion. anyway, good topic, thanks for posting it. Great article as I happen to be in this very predicament right now. Actually, its been ongoing since March 2008 when his father said no. I have children already (who are 15 & 17), he is Moroccan, I am Caucasian-American, and let me see… what was the 3rd reason??? Oh yeah, I’m 4 years older. (me 34 & him 30) I’m sure 4 years younger wouldn’t be a problem.

I have gone through tremendous efforts to make this relationship work. I flew to Morocco to stay with him and his family for a week and I was his first and only sexual experience. Then, I left everything behind in the US, my kids, my home, my job, my pets. (thank god for supportive family) I converted to Islam, not just for him, but because it makes more sense than Christianity and I know it is crucial for two people to share the same beliefs. I moved here to the so-called muslim country at his request.
But, the topic of our future is too much pressure for him. Our relationship has finally ended 10 days ago with these words… “Family is against that marriage, Should we ignore them and do what you want?”

We spoke a little here and there, but basically I am now ignoring him and moving on with my life. I know he still loves me because it shows and even still, I only see the positives for why we are good together. but this pressure to chose and go against his father’s opinion (which isn’t even an islamic one) is too much for him. his respect for his parents is part of the reason i love him, because I have seen his tears, and have felt his pain about this. but he is torn, so here we are.

so, I am still here in the UAE, living and working and wondering what the hell am I doing here!? Although I promised my love I would not write his father again, I did. I am very real with his father. Real and respectful. I pleaded with him to give his son the opportunity for a better life, as life here in the UAE is hard for non-natives. I also asked him to keep my letter between me, him and Allah and so far he has. I asked him to just go to his son and give him his support for the decision he wants for his life.

Maybe he’s hoping that his non-response will be the solution to our break-up, but his family did not know i was living here. my love will go vacation with his family in about 2 weeks and I have nothing to lose. Without his father’s approval (his mother and other family likes me and approves by the way) anyway, without the chief’s approval, its the end, so I have nothing to lose by writing him.

The funny thing about discriminating people is that THEY PRODUCE THE VERY RESULTS THAT THEY BASE THEIR CLAIMS ON!!! My love and I have been together almost 1 year and our struggles have not been due to age difference, race/culture, or my kids. The sole source of our problem is his father’s opinion.

anyway, good topic, thanks for posting it.

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