Uncontrollable Dreams

Is it me or I have the strangest and weirdest dreams ever. I got sick of sleeping because of dreams. I have dreams of people and things at work too much. Maybe I need new surrounding and meet new people. Seriously, it is disturbing. It is enough that I go to work now with my heart not in it anymore. Although I try my best to concentrate and finish up loose ends, but just everything around me there is so gloomy and people are either depressed or just there to fill up time that I find it hard to smile and be happy anymore.

Today, I got a job interview by email for some place in Toronto. I was like ah, I am not moving to Toronto for 3 or 4 months contract. I didn’t even apply for it. I think they found my resume on some job site or through recruiters. It is really getting frustrating.

However, at times I feel like I was meant to stay and not leave this job. The more I try, the more I feel like someone is telling me, “no, you stay till the end or else.” It’s like if I leave I feel like I have left an entire life behind me and I am letting everyone down. I don’t know what to do. All I can do is just keep looking for work and just wait. If I was meant to stay I will stay, and if I was meant to leave soon, then I have to.

At this point of time, I don’t know what to do with my life. I am in midlife career crisis and I have no idea if I want to continue in this career path or find another. I love computers and programming and graphics design, but I don’t know if I was meant to do this for the next 5 or 10 years. I know I was meant to be something else or someone else, and I just drifted in this path.

“Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.” ~Confucius

Anyways.. we just need some Karma and Alicia Keys. Did I ever mention she is my favorite singer?

“What goes around, comes around, what goes up, must come down.”

Blah Blah, Random Thoughts