Wrapping up life, or is it just a week of it?
The weekend is here, and I honestly am tired. Mentally tired that is. Like I had bad days or a bad week before, but this week was just horrible. I can honestly say that I am just tired of life. I want time off from life.
When I was in my teens I felt all the time in high school that I needed time off or was really sick of my life. I mean it got so bad that I swallowed an entire bottle of some medicine that I can’t remember what when I was 17. I don’t know why I did it, but it did get to a point in my life where I questioned my self and I gave up. What happened after? Hmm. I threw up the entire bottle. It was disgusting. I was sick for the next two days. My white blood cells were working over time.
Another time when I was 22 I over dosed on Advil. I just kept taking one after the other waiting to feel anything. I felt that I had an ever lasting head ache and won’t go away. What happened to me? Nothing. That’s what amazed me. Headache medicine does nothing to you. I just sat there swallowing, and my EX kept looking at me thinking I am nutz, then he took the bottle from me and I laughed. I told him, “what’s the point? Life sucks.”
I guess I am crazy, or was crazy, or just totally crazy. However, I kept my head together and stopped thinking about my self. I just decided one day to stop thinking about my self and think about other people instead. Thinking about other people is not a good idea. The reason is because you spend your entire time worrying about someone else that you forget who you are. You forget what your purpose of life is. We all question our selves at times, and want to just focus our lives on someone else to forget our problems, to forget our pain. Why do we do that?
So what have I spent the past two days doing? Moping around. Trying to put a smile on my face or to think positively about anything, but I can’t get my self to do it. I try, but being fake is so hard. That’s the one thing that I can’t do. I guess I would have sucked as a lawyer.
There are just far too many thoughts in my head.
What I have done the past two days was just browse the net. I did some searching for my website on Google and see who is linking to it and what people are saying about me, and I found a Palestenian website that has nominated me for best female blogger. I didn’t know about it, and the contest is practically over. They picked the top 10. If I knew I would have at least advertised it on my site or something. I need to seriously keep up to date with the world. However, just the thought that someone out there thinks I am the “best” just gives me hope. That I feel that I made this website for a reason. There are obviously people I love talking to and know in person too who read my blog and that makes me happy because they care. Knowing that complete strangers out there who recognize me and nominate me for being the “best” was just amazing. I don’t think I have ever been honoured like this before at all. I was honoured for being my self.
I also went to other blogs that mention me and they talk about me and also say that I am a famous blogger. The best thing about that that I am not famous amongst Arab bloggers. I am recognized or talked about in non-Arab blogs. I like that. Most of the visitors and commentors are not Arabs. Honestly, that’s what I was trying to represent from the beginning, and maybe it is what everyone from any race or culture has to say, “I am me, and you are you. We are different, but we can have the same thoughts, the same feelings. Those are not any different. It’s human.” I got an email yesterday from a guy in the States saying that he was shocked to just read the title of my site. He asked if my name is allowed in my culture? My name? Rebellious? Ah? Was I trying to represent my culture or am I representing to the world that I am what I am. It just happens that I am Arab. So what? I am sick of the stereotypes really. So what if I was Arab? I am Palestenian would that make it any different or worse? I just want people to realize that I made this site to tell people that I am Arab, yes, but I think and share my feelings like any body else. I am not afraid to speak out and you can relate to me as I can relate to you. I am not different really, but it just happens I am born to this culture. Is it my fault?
Loading ...
well, I’m finally speechless.
if you were some weird fruit/canine hybrid – it would be a mellon-collie. hang in there.
ha
ha
haaaaaaaaaa
I never laughed so much from a comment before. loool Ah you made my day.
:rofl: :lmao: :lol: @Canucklehead’s comment
Certainly it is not your fault at all. All the people was born in some culture and have right to say what they feel. You shouldn’t feel sad, I understand that you feel I had and I have that same feelings. I can help you and I wish to be a friend. Don’t worry about that crazy people is just because you are famous! It’s the price!
it’s not your fault……………..
At first we all are human beings we are born free and equal in dignity and rights. Everyone is entitled to all the rights and freedoms, without distinction of any kind, such as colour, sex, language, race, religion, nationality or else. Everyone has the right to life, liberty and security of person, belief in you and proud to yourself who are you! Don’t think so much which makes you disturbed. Just remember one thing “Effort is important, but knowing where to make an effort in your life makes all the difference.”…… say cheese
Okay, now I woke up and I am wide awake/concentrating and I can write a proper comment about this.
Mona, let me address my opinion honestly.
The crap going on Arab world-wide is not your fault, not mine, not anyone with brain’s fault. It is someone’s fault of course, but this someone is not a single person, its an entire community/culture, a choice to stand defensive and all weak, act like a lame wimp instead of standing its ground tall and show the whole world its true colour, its uniqueness, the defensive position made us look weaker, lamer, weirder, through the decades. Now, special people like you and others are getting this.
Okay, long speech? Well, life doesn’t suck, its just unfair, I know it is. But what are you going to do? Just sit there and whine? As far as I know, you are not whiner :think: – I see you were always been proud of yourself, keep it up! Don’t let this turn you down.
As for the time you over dosed on Advil, I’ve been there myself, I’ve been depressed and I thought that over-dosing on something will just either end my life/misery or just make me forget about the crap I am living in.
I have had bad times during high-school myself, I entirely changed from mom’s perfect boy to a crazy brat who enjoys doing what is wrong just for the sake of it, I over dosed, I gone insane and more. But it did me no good.
I realise that we’re not living in a perfect world, sadly being an Arab/Muslim would make narrow-minded people abuse you, no matter how smart/unique/amazing you are. Stupidity is international and you know it.
Now, as for the “best female blogger” part. You know, I second their opinion. 90% of why I started blogging is your blog
Cheer up Mona, don’t exhaust yourself.
Let me advice you. Just do a clean and boot on your self. I had tried it couple of times and it works
Looking on the bright side summer is coming. Really it is. :bounce:
:whee: See? you SHOULD cheer up :bounce:
I feel too much. Just can’t relate to over dosing on anything to try to feel something. I do understand addictions and crazy behaviour though. I’ve been there.