I found this image on Flickr and I thought it was BEYOND adorable.

Yeah.. you can tell I am bored and I haven’t slept much (5 hours?) and just browsing the net I tell ya and going to be spending my day not posting anything personal and just pics or videos. I am tired of writing about my life.

Quote:

You liked it
When I had to stand
On tippy-
Toes
Just to kiss you.
Then I’d come crashing
Down,
Smiling
Like I
Had saved the world.

Random Thoughts

This is scary!

Blah Blah, Funny

I think the past week was a bit hectic and depressive, but I guess I need a brake. I really do. I can honestly say that my job has caused me the most stress in my life, more than anything because I let it be, because it was a part of me.

So I forgot about that for today. I tried to just be normal and enjoy my time, although I am suffering from extreme anxiety and I don’t know when it will ever stop and I can’t even get my self to mentally stop it. I wake up in the morning to a variety of emails from readers feeling bad for me and to tell me that they feel the same sometimes, or they have gone through this before. However, I think to my self, “do any of you really know how I feel?”

I sometimes look at my self in the mirror and see those black lines under my eyes, and the white hairs that creep out from my skull, and think to my self, “am I old or I made my self look old?” It was bad enough the sudden weight gain of about 30 pounds in 1.5 months back in 2004 from extreme depression, but still, what have I seriously done to my self?

Lately, as I mentioned the other day that I have been chatting to a really nice guy, that is so ideal to the picture I drew to my self a few months ago of a guy I want to be with. I know many of you seriously bitched at me and though I was crazy, but I made mental adjustments of what I want. Obviously it wasn’t perfect or exactly the same, but I really can’t get my self to change my entire life just like that. Not only that, he doesn’t live where I live but two hours away, and I haven’t met him, and the meeting would probably not happen for months, and I am a bit skeptical about his financial problems, although he is an engineer. However, I always asked my self this, “why the hell are Engineers attracted to me? Is it because I have super powers and I know what standard deviation and Pascal’s Law really mean? And I know how to use Autocad?” :hmph:

So anyways, I am just not in the mood to like anyone anymore or even bother. I strictly said that I wanted friends, and this really was my problem all along. I tried so hard in the past to find love and relationship that will last, but I was lacking friendship. What’s wrong with being friends? It’s so hard for people to understand that I just want to be friends, and being in any relationship or even thinking of liking a guy again is pretty much impossible at this point. I am really not in a mental mood to go through this again, and I think it would be a big mistake if I did this soon. I need to solve my life’s problem’s first before I commit to anything or try to go on to another step in my life that really I am not ready for and I don’t want to be in at all in the present time.

Random Thoughts

Last night I had very hard time sleeping to the point where I was just completely out of breath at times and I felt I had no control over my heart rate like I usually do. I don’t know if it was anxiety or just plain stress of thinking, but it hurt, it really did.

I woke up this morning and I was a bit better, and went about my daily activities. However, as afternoon came I just kept feeling that I was freezing to death, and I don’t know why. I even wore a sweater inside the house, but I am still far too cold. I have been trying to breath a bit better because I just keep feeling chest pains and my heart is going to just burst out. I think I need something to completely calm me down. Coffee this morning didn’t, and I feel that I am a complete addict now to coffee that if I don’t drink it I will get a headache.

I don’t know what to do, even laying down to take a nap is impossible because I keep feeling that I am out of breath.

Random Thoughts

Stumbleupon. What is it? If you got a blog and just want to increase your presence in the internet world, then you need to get stumbled. It is the best social networking tool out there. I know, I get stumbled a lot and that’s how I get various audiences.

So why am I talking about this? To get seriously stumbled and so many people to visit your blog and take interest in it, then you need many people to actually say that they like your blog. Not just one, not just two, but many! This is what I decided to do, I want people to help one another by stumbling them. A few days ago, there was a great activity where bloggers added one another to their favorites on Technorati. Now, we can do the same by stumbling.

Try it today, and see the difference!

EDIT: the links posted in the comments are for your choosing to stumble. I am tired of fucking idiots coming here threatening me and reporting me to stumbleupon, and since most of you didn’t even bother stumbling one another and only seeing this activity as fun and a way to advertise your site on my blog, then good for you! You are a sport unlike the other fucking morons of the world out there who think they are the traffic police.

Random Thoughts