Don’t we all? Let me talk about life in general. Life sucks. Life sucks so much that there is no point to dream, to hope, or to plan anything. Best thing to do is just sit and wait for nothing. At least none of us would have to bother with what tomorrow will ever bring. Who cares. Really.
Well, planning. I don’t plan anything. You could say I am carefree, but in reality I am just uncaring. Then the hope. I used to hope. I used to have some hope that tomorrow is going to be better than today. That went down hill sometime between last year and today. Then there is a dream. Dear God why do I bother to dream? The worst part is, that I dream of ever such great things in my unconscious world. Don’t I wish I just lived in my unconscious world? I mean seriously. We spend 1/3 of our life sleeping. Why not just sleep the other 2/3? At least life seems a bit better there.
Why am I talking like this? Cause my life as we know or as I know it is collapsing in front of my eyes. I think I had an anxiety attack around 11 am and it all went down hill from there. I tried to calm my self and be cheerful. Nop. Can’t do that! Then around 1 pm I pretty much couldn’t breath anymore and just sat there hoping I would just die. Am I depressed or what? Then around 2:30 pm, I pretty much lost it. I think I pretty much had an epiphany of what really my life has become. It has become nothing. It winded down to nothing.
I was always at the edge. Just hanging by a rope, and today, of all days I became what I feared that I would become.
A lifeless soul with a sugar coating of depression.
For those people who want to be philosophical and tell me that I should think of other people and how life is a lot worse for others, all I can say is BITE ME! We are all individuals and each to their own.
Fuck I hate having a blog. Worse place to write this crap.