Having a bad day

I woke up this morning and I was dumbfounded by the fact that it is Thursday. I thought, wasn’t Thursday like two days ago? What happened to the days? I think my stress level has gone to the extreme that at times I see my self crying for no reason and loosing track of time. I would just sit staring at nothing and my eyes start to water and I just break down and cry. I think I am loosing it, big time. At times I don’t understand what my purpose is anymore at what I am doing with my life.

It all started last week when I was rebuffed for maybe the 4th or 5th time as being “over qualified” to be considered for a normal mid level position. I think the shock of rejection for the most bazaar reasons hit me hard. It’s enough I get rejected and feel so low from everything else in life, and I was hoping that I can control one thing, which is work. But I cannot take it anymore. I don’t even ask for a high salary or expect a high salary. I just want a bit more than what I am making now. Something challenging, to be treated fairly, kept busy and to be permanent with benefits. That’s it. I keep reading my resume over and over and try to find a way to change it or dumb it down, but I couldn’t. It was very straight forward and it was what a person with over 5 years experience would normally have. I thought to my self that I was able to get the interview, but why was I repeatedly told I was over qualified during and after the interview?

Am I that ambitious that is so noticeable? I want to move up the ladder. It’s my fate. I hate being in the same spot, it got boring and I will never grow as a person. The rejection hit me hard and I am wondering what will I do now with my life. At times I feel like starting over and just find another type of job that I can start from scratch at. Not really software but something else. I am a good writer, a communicator, very creative and an internet marketer. But who hires for that? I don’t live in California or New York where e-commerce and internet marketing jobs are common.

I was told numerous times that I should consider internet to be my career. Work from home? I don’t think I want to do that anytime soon. It’s too early in my life. I enjoy waking up in the morning and going to work. I feel like I have something to look forward to. I want to experience working in companies with different types of people and learning more about how the world works and making life time friends. People who make a living off the internet are so introverted and so self centered. I don’t want to end up like that. I didn’t make this blog for the money nor to make it a world wide sensation. I don’t want the popularity and money through this. It’s risky and not stable. Blogging is fun, and that’s it.

With software development and big marketing ideas there is always that curve that everyone has to watch out for. It’s a cosine that just goes up and down, and blogging is one of them. Everyone is doing it because it was the “next big thing.” But everything that goes up, must come down. I may not be the best business person or ever will be, but the best thing to do is just keep an eye for the curve. It is exponentially growing so fast right now, and it will go down really hard and I don’t want to take a dive with it. However, I will keep my self entertained with the next big thing out there. I don’t mind. In the mean time, I have to accept the fact that looking for a job is my top priority right now and it hurts. It has been hurting me for months and just hearing the rejection for the stupidest reasons is making my days at my current work dreadful and emotionally devastating.

Depressed, Random Thoughts