It’s Friday night, and I am sitting here pondering the reason why I am still here. I really am. I don’t know what my purpose is anymore. What is the purpose of my existence?
My problem growing up that I was always surrounded by negative energy that it made my life miserable. I couldn’t handle it. I didn’t know how to react. I just sit there and wonder, why me?
Doesn’t anyone think like that? Or perhaps like me?
At times I wonder who would care to miss me? Am I worth the remembrance? Did I do anything in my life worth remembering? And if I didn’t, what can I do?
My life has become really closed. Nothing is working to my advantage and I just sit there day dreaming all day. However, I just end up more miserable and crying. I think I suffer from uncontrollable emotions that are causing me physical harm. I have been waking up in the middle of the night with short breaths and rapid heartbeats. It’s like I woke up from a nightmare but I can’t remember anything. Also the lack of sleep is killing me.
I keep asking my self. If I sleep, what do I gain? Nothing.
If I don’t sleep I can avoid the nightmares and the physical pain that I have been suffering from.
It has gotten to that point in my life where I don’t care if it is a week day or weekend or any day of the week. It is all the same. Every day is pointless and I am not moving forward.
The reason I keep writing on my blog is to get some feedback from other human beings. To feel that I am not alone in this world and someone does care. That I am alive.