I don’t miss me.
It’s Friday night, and I am sitting here pondering the reason why I am still here. I really am. I don’t know what my purpose is anymore. What is the purpose of my existence?
My problem growing up that I was always surrounded by negative energy that it made my life miserable. I couldn’t handle it. I didn’t know how to react. I just sit there and wonder, why me?
Doesn’t anyone think like that? Or perhaps like me?
At times I wonder who would care to miss me? Am I worth the remembrance? Did I do anything in my life worth remembering? And if I didn’t, what can I do?
My life has become really closed. Nothing is working to my advantage and I just sit there day dreaming all day. However, I just end up more miserable and crying. I think I suffer from uncontrollable emotions that are causing me physical harm. I have been waking up in the middle of the night with short breaths and rapid heartbeats. It’s like I woke up from a nightmare but I can’t remember anything. Also the lack of sleep is killing me.
I keep asking my self. If I sleep, what do I gain? Nothing.
If I don’t sleep I can avoid the nightmares and the physical pain that I have been suffering from.
It has gotten to that point in my life where I don’t care if it is a week day or weekend or any day of the week. It is all the same. Every day is pointless and I am not moving forward.
The reason I keep writing on my blog is to get some feedback from other human beings. To feel that I am not alone in this world and someone does care. That I am alive.
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I looove FouseyTube!! All of his videos are... 
Mona your not alone. You have many people on here who are about you… Maybe we can be there to give you a hug or tell you in person it will turn out ok… But we can try what we can.
Life sucks most the time… but if it never sucked we would never know when we have great or amazing times.
Omigosh… you’ve written the words that I’ve thought of for years now. You’re not alone. Just look at my blog. Every other day, I’m fucked up. I was all day today… and the entire week. But there has to be a reason God is keeping us around. Maybe to inspire others, somehow? I know it sounds cheesy but when I make the baby I look after (I’m a part-time nanny) laugh, for a second, everything is wonderful. I’m not saying let’s all go have babies to feel better… My point is that those tiny rays of hope have to be signs that there’s something good for us here; we have a purpose. Maybe your readers could be one for you?
All human life is boring when there is no meaning attached to it. you have a cause and u also have talent. find more creative ways of serving the human dignity. its my new word after bush ruined freedom and liberty and human rights) good luck my friend we all have a message all we need to do is deliver it. our time on earth is countable our achivements are not. make this world a better place.
So we never forget mention palestine
you are definitely alive otherwise u wouldn’t be able to tweet that i received like 5 mins back…2ndly ppl do care or else they would read ur posts here or you wouldn’t have followers (a.k.a stalkers).
But i think you have got to a time where you actually need to ‘reboot’ your brain. However its kind of a lengthy process (takes hours) but it really does help someone to get out of some sort of mental madness (similar to what you are experiencing).
and btw its not BS…it does work and it kinda helps you to find the purpose of your life and how you can live your life to its fullest.
if you wanna know abt the process..lemme know..& I’ll try to help you out. Cheers
Hi buddy,
am myself a well loved child of depression.
my tips-just realize this isn’t you.
just a phase.
dancing 2 random music,running etc do work.
try getting pleasure from small things. I get all
the vegetables with care and cook a nice healthy meal
as if my life depends on it. it works for me.
some thing else might work for u.
nice aimless evening walks do help.
d important thing is to give d world a miss
Let me ask you this, what things inspire you the most in the world?
Nothing at the moment is inspiring me in any way.
Ouch
I am sorry you feel that way, seriously.
btw I just noticed something – do you realize you have John Mccain ads all over your site?
Hello Eric. I have no control over Google ads. What I see is links to Arabic dating sites. I think Google ads are just posting ads based on the demographics of the visitor.
Hi Mona! Again, that’s a really sad post
And you know it’s easy to post a comment on a blog like this but when it comes to human interaction yada-yada-yada a lot of people aren’t caring very much.
Nevertheless, you should try to figure out what makes you wake up in the middle of the night. There could be a lot of reasons and in most cases you are aware of them.
Even the familiar ones like debts and lack of social interaction… I think you should actively take action. Whatever that means in your situation.
Best Regards from Germany
Markus
Oh goodness, you are not alone dear. You are precious and a wonder of God as we all are. Your life and thoughts are important. You have and do contribute to the world. I cannot imagine your life, nor you mine, but I can empathize. I know you desire the same things I do in life. Peace, a home, family, meaningful work, leisure time, enough food. We are miles apart in two very different places, but we share this tiny blue planet. You are in my thoughts. I wish you well.