Akh.. I swear I have been living in this side of the world for so long, that anything beyond that is so foreign to me! I tried everything! I tried talking to Arab guys who have been living here for years, born here, and even ones that recently came here, and the worst ones are the ones that just came to this side of the world. They think that Arab girls here are so cool and so open, and living the western life. The moment you tell them, “no, I don’t do that, I am Arab and Muslim,” they reply back, “interesting.”

What the fuck is so interesting about being a good conservative traditional person? What’s wrong with living a normal life and being raised well? I am not saying I am so extreme, on the contrary, I am pretty normal and carefree, but I was raised a certain way; the Arab way and I stayed that way! Not only that, they think my blog has all the answers! My blog is not the answer to who I am. It’s a diary of what I think! I never ever represented my self negatively or ever had strange thoughts as an Arab living here since I was a kid. Never! I just talk about my self, who I am. I am me. A simple Arab girl that happens to be cursed since child birth to navigate the world and end up here!

So, when guys ask me stupid questions like, “how many guys you have been with?” Or, “how many you slept with?” Or, “have you ever dated a non-Arab and why not?” I would just be in shock from such questioning. This has not happened once or twice, but several times from guys I randomly chat with. I am sick of it by the way. That’s it! No more! I rather be alone forever! What do people back home think of us? Is this the image that Arabs back home have of us? I don’t think so! I swear that’s not us.. I think the problem is that I don’t understand Arabs back home. I think they are the ones that are messed up. So messed up that it makes us Arabs here wonder who is better? Who is still following the proper Arab way of life anymore?

It really makes me wonder, do people still believe in God? Or they just use the name of God to justify their actions? I don’t understand people at all. I always hated discussing religion or culture or politics with people, but some people seriously push it and I am dumbfounded by their interrogations.

Guys long time ago used to ask a girl, “what do you do for a living? What are your ambitions? Do you want to have a happy life and have a family?” However, now? NOW it’s an interrogation session from have you loved before? How many? How many you been physically intimate with? And why? And was it just Arabs? Do you consider non-Arabs and why not? What the fuck????? Seriously! The world is so messed up! I think I am growing old fast that anything new is shocking the hell out of me. I try to be open minded, but seriously, some things are not even worth the discussion. It’s a dead end. I am going in one direction, and they are going into another. We will never meet!

I am so confused and wondering what happened to the world. What am I rebelling about? The traditions? Or how the traditions have changed to the worst? Or how Arabs are not making sense anymore? I don’t understand them. What happened to Arabs? The good Arabs? Do people know anymore what it is to be an Arab? We are loosing our identity, and I.. I .. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I want to know what it is to be an Arab. I forgot who I am. Who am I? What am I? Am I still an Arab? Or are they Arab?

What is an Arab?

17 comments

Chikapappi tagged me.

What is your favorite quotable line from a Movie?
Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.
THE GODFATHER II, 1974

Who is the most famous person you have spoken to?
Former prime minister of Canada, Jean Chrétien

How many bags/boxes of Potato Chips are consumed at your place in a month?
I seldom eat potato chips. So barely any a month.

Who is your all time favorite Cartoon Character?
Uncle Scrooge

What foreign food dish do you prepare from scratch and serve?
Foreign? I eat and make Arabic food mostly. But are burgers considered foreign? lol

What is your favorite section of the Supermarket?
The bakery section. hehe

1. Answer the above questions in a blog posting.
2. Identify the people who you are going to tag
3. Acknowledge who tagged you.

I am tagging everyone!

2 comments

I grew up in an environment that is very different than my sister’s. My sister was born in USA, and raised in Canada all her life. She speaks Arabic sometimes like Armenians did long ago in Lebanon (ie. Masculine and Feminine phrases are always mixed up), and she cannot read or write. She recently took a voyage to the middle east, Lebanon to be exact to see the family. She saw and stayed in the Palestenian refugee camp that has been there for 60 years. She heard guns in the middle of the night, she saw how poor people are, no electricity, muddy streets, water to be bought because the sink’s water is not healthy, and people who barely were living day by day. She saw the war torn area of Beirut from the Israeli invasion in July 2006. She saw 2 weeks ago Hassan Nasrallah in his car with people cheering down the streets when the 3 prisoners were freed from Israel and over 120 bodies returned to be buried. She saw so much in 40 days than she did in her almost 13 years of life.

I felt bad for her because she saw everything that our parents have immigrated from country to country to avoid. She saw why we were refugees and separated from other family members. She saw what it is like to be a Palestenian and Lebanese and how such a beautiful land was torn to pieces by political war fare and a neighboring hateful country. I felt bad for her. That’s the reason I refused to go to Lebanon. I refused to go because I didn’t want to see what I lived my entire life trying to avoid and forget. Also, I refuse to go to Palestine because I will not step into a land that is mine but I am not allowed to live in. I just felt bad for my sister, she saw too much, and finally understood.

She came back sad, broken hearted because she saw most of the family. She saw cousins, aunts, uncles, and was happy to realize that the family is big and she had other people that loved her as well. That we are not alone in this world. But she asked, “why can’t we all live together?”

Funny how attached she got in 40 days… that’s what I tried to avoid. I didn’t want the attachment because I didn’t want to go back to Canada with the constant questions, “why God us? What have we done? An entire nation? An entire culture? Why did we have to be spread all over the world and cannot be with the people we love?”

9 comments

I slept for about 2 or 3 hours last night, then I just sat there watching Arabic satellite till mom, my sis, my sis-in-law and niece came back from Lebanon! Yay! What did they get me? A LOT OF STUFF.

This is obviously my favorite. I just took a picture of it now with my horrible camera phone. I requested a Palestine necklace, but this one tops them all with love! (I Love Palestine (flag)) Mom also got me a gold necklace with my name on it and a flower. I also got watches and earrings and lots of other accessories.

Mom got me a brand new Guess bag also. She said it was $180 dollars but she got it on sale for a bit less than that. She kept saying that she wanted to get me Coach shoes but since I have big feet (size 9.5 or 10) that she wasn’t going to get 9 and risk it because it cost too much! Anyways, I got more bags but fake, and also wallets like D&G and Lois Vitton.

I would have taken more pics at home but forgot. They got me eye liner. Not one bottle. Not even two. Three? NO! I got about 15! I got all kinds of eye liners such as pencils, crayons and powder that is made to protect your eyes and help with infections and stuff. I guess that’s what Arab men and women use in the dessert from the sand storm. Hehe.

10 comments

I believe in dictatorship for the good of people. I believe that I should rule for the sake of equality. I will unite the people to work for a common cause and for the well being of themselves and others. Everyone would have food and homes. Everyone would be working towards the greatness of human civilization!

That’s what a crack head would say and most politicians believing in such thing as democracy and desperately want people to vote for them! (Vote for me! I want power. I mean I will make people happy and all equal!) But let’s be honest, all I want is power! Screw people!

I am a Capricorn and I dont’ believe in votes! I take what I want! Moreover, I think the goat is a fine animal, probably the best animal ever! Well, next to Leos. That damn lion always gets in my way! Anyways, look at goats. What can a goat provide? Goat provides humans wool, milk, meat, and lots of company and loud noise! We are great.

So, if some day I become a dictator and you fall under my rule, just remember this: “I don’t take no for an answer and the possibilities are endless!”

—–> If you are wondering why this post does not make any sense is because I am tired. I have been busy all weekend and I drank a lot of coke, ate a lot of candy, and I feel light headed with all the sugar. Excuse me. I will come back another day with a better post that does not portray my inner thoughts and desire of being a dictator. Remember, I started the rebellion, and it will end soon to make room for something bigger!

10 comments

She is looking for me. I am in hiding. She sends me messages to the evil satanic website called Facebook asking where I have disappeared to. At times I wonder why she doesn’t abuse my cell phone and leave 10 million messages. Am I not special enough? Or 6 am wake up calls is all she can do! However, in reality, I am just ignoring her. She replied back earlier that she hates me, but we all know she checks my blog all day waiting for me to dedicate a post just for her! Oh the love!

Kirmal 3yoonik ya habla!!
(Just for you!)

Oh by the way.. TOOZ!

Anyways, I will be back later. I am busy!

3 comments

I will begin by saying that yesterday’s post was very interesting. I ask people every now and then a question and the answers pour in. Some were interesting I might say, but most of you had a common theme in your answers which is understandable. You perception of me is based on my writing, and I have been a bit erratic the past few months.

Anyways, I got an email yesterday from a girl named Farah. It was one of the most interesting emails I have ever received so far. The email was really nice and made me question a lot of things about my self. However, I answered her in the most pessimistic possible way and she never replied back. (Sorry Farah!) I mean what else would a person like me reply back saying? Meh. In Arabic I would say, “ta2eet wa siret be nos 3a2el.” So I will post it because it is interesting, and probably a lot of people think like her. Honestly, I used to think that way, I really did.

Farah wrote:

As salam alaykum, wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuHu

Dear Mona,

I am an Italian Muslim girl who reads your blog since a long time. You have to know that we are of the same star sign and we have lots of things in common. I am single since a long time and I ask myself “why?!!” I have values and I am a religious person; I feel good looking and bighearted. I don’t feel like there’s a enormous problem with me. So I ask myself why are men afraid of me and don’t come close to me although they like me? so when I am sad, I read this words and I understand:

“Women are like apples. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don’t want to reach for the good ones because they’re afraid of falling and getting hurt. So instead, they just take the apples from the ground that aren’t as good, but easy to get… The apples at the top of the tree think there’s something wrong with them, when, in reality, they’re amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along - one who’s brave enough to climb all the way to the top.”

You might think I am presumptuous and full of myself…but I prefer to believe that I am an apple on the top of the tree rather than believe that I am wrong in this world. I write this because, I have noticed that you often ask yourself in your blog, if there’s something wrong with you, exactly as I do, too.

The answer: No, Mona. Just wait for the one who will climb until you.

This is what I replied.

Salam Farah,

Thanks for the email. I really appreciate, and I understand your point of view and I agree with it completely. However, you think, well, I am on the top of the tree now. How long will I be up there? When will the person come and take me? What if it is taking too long, wouldn’t I wither and no longer be the great beautiful apple I was before?

Think about it.. your point is right.. but nothing lasts forever, and the wait is a killer!

So what do you think? Do you agree with me or her? And what would you have answered? I am curious to hear people’s views about this subject. Especially us young adults in their late 20’s.

20 comments

What do you think of me? Tell me your honest opinion, and no emails please. Just comment on this post only.

39 comments