How do you know they are the one?
I am the type of person that needs to understand and plan everything in my life point to point. I like to know everything with no surprises or anything. That’s just the way I am.
So, I make a lot of observations about people, especially guys and girls that end up together. How they met, why they decided to be together in such a short period of time, and what made them be “the one.”
I don’t know how two people fall in love anymore. I really don’t, and I think I will never understand it. I thought I did, or felt that I did, but I was wrong. What is love? Frankly, I don’t understand what it is because I heard people say it so many times without really meaning it. I think being a Capricorn completely distinguishes us from the rest of the world. Did you know that people like me don’t believe what others say at all? We learn it the hard way, and out of 20 words that come out of someone’s mouth, we barely believe a letter?
I think that’s why I have such a negative view of the matter because does a guy actually think that saying, “I love you” is enough of a reason to get married to them? Obviously not. Does age matter with love? No. I think one day I will be capable to understand what love is and why a guy would say it to me. I don’t think that meeting someone and them liking you and saying I love you in such a short period of time is a reason to be together forever. I find relationships that have love as a bond is a good stepping stone to start something interesting for the future. That wait time is enough for the love to grow and blossom so two people will find out if they are really meant to be with each other forever.
Why am I so pessimistic? Well, because I find it really hard to understand relationships anymore. I find it hard for two people to ever be in love and the reasons why. So every time I hear about people getting engaged all of a sudden, I think and wonder, why?
Another thing I don’t understand is how guys ever fell in love with me, or thought they did. I don’t understand the reasons. Some guys don’t give me a reason at all. After 2 or 3 conversations, they go insane and want to be with me because they never met a girl as articulate and speaks her mind with ease as me. I keep thinking to my self, “Why me? My bluntness now is cute and mystifying, but can you stand it in a year or two?” I think that is my problem. I don’t trust guys that easily. I don’t believe what they say, and I keep telling them that I like time to get to know you, but they don’t have time or don’t want to wait. So, if they don’t have time to develop a relationship to turn into love, then why they want to get married to someone forever if they have no patience?
That’s one of my issues. Another issue is younger guys that are just crazy about me, but don’t show it or talk, but their actions speaker louder than words. I just stay quiet or wonder why the hell me? I am not the last girl on earth.
Ahh.. I will just keep my self this way. I feel old, I am not that pretty, and I have a messed up mentality and view of life. Maybe some day someone will change my mind. If anyone met that person can you please tell them that I am a blogger, and I got too many thoughts and one day this site will bite them in ass and make them cry from humiliation. I think that’s the biggest test! Can they handle my blog!!?
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Like a sleeping lion heart you lie in wait for the perfect mate. someone who completes you; yes, no? i dont know anything about capricorns but it seems that your pessimism is holding you back from being emotionally involved….i know you dont need advice but im just kinda in the mood to help, so hear me out.
there is this thing called a porcupine complex. i used to have it when i was younger cus i was an over-emotional wreck. basically the closer you get to someone the more you feel like you could hurt them. so say you find somebody that you really enjoy being around….now its 1-2 yrs down the road is that relationship still on an even key? if that person is still wanting to be with you, do you feel obliged by destiny, or is it courage that keeps you going? sometimes you just have to suck it up, especially if you really want to be with that ‘one’ long term.
in the words of dinah mulock a british poet
Friendship — Oh the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are — chaff and grain together — certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with the breath of kindness blow the rest away…
personally i love it when even a friend tells me they love me. some will agree saying that “love is a word that should neither be abused or over-used” which is true because then it loses its meaning. but if you really feel it at the moment why let the moment pass without gracing their ears with such a lovely phrase?
love is not simple. it never has been. we have fought wars over it. there is no reason why you should come to terms with love in a few years. you have your whole life to decide so don’t feel rushed. personally i think its good that your stubborn and dont give into guys so easily cus some girls….sheesh..
so u say you like to plan? how bout this….five year plan here it is…
plan to choose life that you want and not what somebody tells you you should want. Plan to worship because in order to love one must learn to worship (purely my opinion). plan in these five years to know what your strengths and weaknesses are. but im sure that you already know what they are. now find those strengths, not weaknesses in others, because as soon as you start to point out weaknesses in others then the weakness pops up in your own self. in the words of the dalai lama “We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves.”
make that peace…end that enmity…be the strength you wish to see in the world…out with the bad in with the good….i totally believe in you…
I had a few guys who thought they were my “one” … but with D it feels different than all the other guys. I can be myself with him and he is completely comfortable being his true self. My family liked him right away and my sisters already consider him to be their brother. I feel at home with his family.
I don’t know how I knew. All of a sudden, it just was.
Great advice Brian..i dont know about Mona, but i sure did need them !! :cute:
I can say I’m like you Mona in so many ways: I can’t trust guys, never believe a word they say, can’t understand how the emotion “love” decides all of a sudden to grow within me to invade all of my being, that nothing i do or say or think is safe from it..in some cases, i wont believe it when im told that im loved, can go on for a while humoring it and trying to find any other explanation for it, but out of the blow, and without any introductions, my resistance break and a dam of love just floods the place!!
and the funny thing is, when i fall in love, i truly literally am blinded of all the fatal flaws in my partner…its ridiculous! i know they exist and i know that i won’t be able to take them for long, but i keep pushing and denying in the hope that one day, they would just disappear! (not that am flawless…but i know what my flaws and i dont really love myself :laugh: )
But few years later, when that love is gone and im bored and have nothing to do but go through my mental diary, and i start looking back to what happened and wonder where the then-partner is now, the inevitable question pops up “why did i love him? why him? why did i cry and weep when it was over? why did i think love is not possible if it isnt for him? why, after so many months and maybe years, i still remember him?”
and i never find an answer
the confusion, it just sux!!
Mona stop saying you’re old and unpretty…you are wonderful,funny, although I haven’t met you personally…
When I read your posts I find in your words something similar to my character..I am a capricorn too, and you know, we are really stubborn :laugh: and so we never believe in what others say…
but as regards love, Mona, none knows what it is…None will ever been able to tell you how that feeling is..’cause that is why love is fascinating…but the day you will honestly fall in love with a guy, you will know it is love, this is the most important thing…
Erica summed it up pretty well.
All these things you see as negatives of why people might not like you won’t even matter. When you find the right person they will accept you completely and more than likely will love those little things you do.
There are a lot of idiots out there you should completely shut out, but you have to be open for the right one to get to know you too.
Great advice you guys. I read everything.. don’t worry!
Damn Brian, you’re beep bro!
As far how do you know when they are the one. I have asked my married friends, from all different cultures, religions and upbringings and they all tell me the same thing. You just know.
I don’t know you very well, but I think you went through some tough stuff with that guy from your ‘previous life’. I really feel that, that guy took your innocence and vulnerability and I think you need that leap of faith to fall in love and to act on that feeling if you get it. You seem like you are an analytical person who weighs the pros and cons of every situation. In my humblest of opinions, I don’t think you can do that when it comes to love and trying to find the one. I understand not wanting to waste time in a situation that you know is destined to fail, but if you get that feeling, don’t over analyze. You may end up missing out on something special.
I hear you…I am going on 40 and happily single yet men seem to trip over themselves to want to go out with me. I am articulate, funny, led an interesting life however keep men at a distance…maybe because of the past…or perhaps I still hold a torch for my Omani ex…who the hell knows but at least as I approach this next decade (ack ack) it is comforting to know that even 20 somethings find me attractive…they can worship from afar…lol.
ahhh ! wat was it anyway ? oooh u were wonderin wat love is , ‘n’ ys still feel lost bout da whole idea of barny song :
i love u , u love me , let be together for ever .
love is : just a word for god sake ! its not a medical complex or a rocket science !! jeez !
love is a package of things :
mutual understanding , safe ‘n’ secure relation , intimacy , a much closer circle of friendship , a roller coaster with up’s and down’s , an open mind and heart.
sure sure u got yer own cute ‘n’ fuzzy side where ya go blabin and lol over here ‘n’ lol over there !
but thats just a drama , or yer own space
u can go talk bout mosquito life circle or the nano technology for all i care but that doesnt make ya smart !
smart is a social act , including an actual give ‘n take with other people not just nick-names ‘n’ avatars !
u can perform a whole night of charm ‘n’ witty jokes , yet that doesnt make ya funny enough
cuz fun also is a social act
the point is
a real stomach butterflies , not just a phisical reaction for a chemical atarction
u will fall in love when :
1) his opinion matters first
2) u only feel safe with him
3) u dont need 2 explain yer self arround him
4) he completes u and that means he let ya flow yer boat and when ya zig he zag
5) he like 2 share mostly everything with u , even shopping , or watchin a lame mexican soapra
6) he apreciate u , and doesnt take u for granted
7) mutual trust and believe
and ( you will find him girl )
I guess this is where me and you agree on something. I thought I knew what love was… I thought love was when you give yourself to someone and would stand by that person till the end…
I guess what I did not know is that love is a 2 sided thing… You will never know what the other person really thinks and that is where TRUST comes into it… And you can never fully trust ANYONE but YOURSELF! That is what I have learnt.
But we have different versions of love. I know I will always love my children and nothing they can ever do will stop that.
Love is something that Humans have made up… I really do believe that love between a couple is a virus and a drug… We need it but we also HATE IT! I do.
I wanted to say something but Brian’s comment stole the show. Excellent comment Brian. God bless your heart!