Dear Diary,

You are wondering why I am calling you diary although you are a public website for everyone to read. I guess I need to speak to something NOT human and write a few things that I don’t want to directly address someone with since I have been too general and people taking it offensively. You see, lately a lot of people have been emailing me and commenting saying they agree with me or not agree with me. We are back to this white and black view point of things, I guess that is the way people think, which is fine. I don’t want the whole world to agree with me and my way of thinking. I didn’t make this site for someone I don’t know to sway my thinking and making me feel bad about my self or just plain agree with me.

I have been very tired lately with all the constant thinking and I guess I wanted to just talk. However, some people think that is wrong that I do. That I say too many private things. Do I? I barely say anything. I just talk about random life questions, and people think it is private. It’s like people want to silence my thoughts or are amazed of the things I say. I mean, if I don’t talk about life, what am I supposed to talk about? I don’t want to talk about what I did today which is go to work, go home, and sleep. I do other random things, but they are not worth talking about. People don’t care. I don’t care. I read other sites of things that people did and I could care less about it.

I think the problem is that people are not ready to read or hear others speak the truth and to question life. I am not being philosophical. I hate philosophy. It has nothing to do with Arabs or non-Arabs. I have been trying to separate the two, but really, there is no need. At times I wonder why people read my thoughts. What is it about me that grabs people’s interest? I think it is because I say those things that they don’t dare to say. Some think I am dumb for speaking the way I do and I am weak. I don’t think so because they won’t even dare do it because they are scared or afraid “someone” they know will read it. I swear, half the people out there can’t put two thoughts together to make a worthy site. Yet, why am I complaining, I don’t read their sites nor bother reading their comments. I skim through them to make sure they are not offensive, and just approve them. I also get so many emails from people trying to “guide” me.

I swear I read and I am just dumbfounded by what people say. I didn’t stop replying to people because I don’t know what to say. I am just tired of having to argue back at someone’s closed minded opinion of me. I think it is nice that they spend the time writing them, but seriously, why do they bother? I mean, I am a person they don’t know, or do they? Do they know me now? I have been writing online for over 2.5 years now. Does that give anyone the reason to know me? Maybe. I would. If I was reading someone’s daily diary for that long then I would understand them, and relate them. However, some people think that I am trying to represent something beyond the scope of what my site is. That I am taking the name of Arab to something beyond their comprehension. That I am taking the female gender and addressing issues that some don’t question or bother to think of.

Why is that? I keep asking my self why are people so closed minded and will not accept things that are new to them? I don’t agree with them because they took words out of context. They took things out of proportion, and except me to sit down and have a forum of discussion to prove them right. That I am wrong, and they are ultimately right. Do they think my site is supposed to be a democratic forum? That I am a figure head that needs to be either criticized or congratulated based on my speech for the day?

I read and read. At times I think to my self that my site should be a static site with no human interaction and update whenever I receive a whimsical idea. That I should talk about things that interest the masses like music, or movies because reality is too questionable and should never be discussed.

I get so many interesting comments of people criticizing a simple thought and saying, “what about other people who have it worse? Don’t you feel their pain?” I laugh when I read those for the reason that God made humans selfish and only worry about them selves first, and others later. That’s why we are humans. If we all thought about others then there would be no hunger, shelter for everyone, no wars, no class systems, no hypocrisy, no political silent wars, no individuality, etc.

Why am I addressing this issue again and again? There is no need. Humans are afraid of the truth. We all are. We are afraid of trying to address our concerns and be our selves. Why? I don’t know why, but I am not confused because of this. I am confused by bigger issues, and people comment and email me about the stupidest things possible. I questioned things in life that they never thought were questionable.

I know what I did. I am teaching an advanced history class. I don’t just represent useless facts. I question facts. I question human actions that lead to such recorded ever lasting events. That’s what people don’t understand. I think that’s the barrier between me and others.

I wonder what people will think of me now? I don’t care. I never cared, but always wondered how easy it is to hide behind a screen and criticize. I swear I never in my blogging days have ever bothered to go to someone’s site and criticize them. I read many sites, and if I don’t like something, I just ignore and move on. Why should I make someone’s moment of despair any worse? Who am I to do that? What I want to do one day is meet some of those anonymous web people that love to comment on my site and email me. I want to see if they would dare say anything to my face. That would be the day.

I think dear diary that humans are the most interesting people, but I rather talk to you because they don’t want to accept who I am as an individual and make me talk to an inanimate object. See what humans do to one another?

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